How? How can we tell girls we care THIS little about them? TRIGGER WARNING - abuse and rape

you say this was something you neither chose or wanted

He tried to make it sound as if he could not control his actions. As if he was possessed by something. If that is the case, he needs to be locked away for life.

Will Willden, defending, said Rowe had never been in trouble before

Only because he hadn't been caught. He has a history of many crimes of abuse though. Why do judges always say this about abusers?

I am sorry for all of you who have experienced abuse of any kind

I'm so sorry, tooth.

The man that abused me abused at least 4 others, not all of us got guilty verdicts. He was sentenced for abusing over a period of 30 years. He got 16 years, could apply for parole after 8 (he's been in prison just over a year). Judge described him as a serial predatory paedophile. He could have got life, but he didn't. He needs to die in there, he is not safe in our society

www.pressreader.com/uk/midweek-sport/20190206/281586651843017

Babdoc
Neither of them bought into the fluffy pink unicorn crap

I think your daughters sound wonderful and kick ass. However, saying the above makes me feel you have feminism all wrong, belittling something that is hyper feminine is sexist. A woman should not be belittled because she likes something different to you and something countless women and young girls all over the world like, it's damaging to the cause. I don't like fluffy pink unicorns and have never been described as feminine, so this isn't s defence of me but of other women who do.

Back to the topic, my heart goes out to the victims here, he perpetrator should've been given more than 11 years and the comments about him losing everything make me mad as hell. He had choices, he's entirely to blame.

It has made me even angrier that downloading abuse images is not considered 'actual abuse'.

The judge says:
"you have been downloading images of pre pubescent children and you clearly have a sexual interest in children.
"Sadly, you translated that sexual interest into the actual abuse of this girl.
Then the article says "here were also 327 images of young girls, including 12 showing serious abuse. "

I have sons and I know they're more likely to be murdered than girls. One of my sons was attacked twice in his teens. In one attack his jaw was broken and in the other a bottle was broken on his forehead. He will always bear the scars.

I was more traumatized by being badly beaten up (broken nose, two black eyes, split lip) than by either of my rapes.

The young of both sexes are very vulnerable.

Sistine, from what you have written, if you have a daughter she will be lucky to have you because you will care and you will believe.

I have 2 DDs and a DS. DD2 who is only in Y2 tells me that the boys in her class already claim that girls are less so I get the fear. And I am doing my best to raise DS to be a good man when he grows and not to think like that. I am glad you started the thread though am rambling myself.

my dd has something I didn't have, and that's me.

This spoke to me so much. I have had similar conversations with DSis, she birthed my beautiful, talented, complex, loving, intelligent, FANTASTIC DNiece. I want better for her than I have had, and I will fight for it, tooth and nail if necessary. DSis knows that she has my full support in sharing my story with DN, as and when she needs to (age appropriately) hear it. I have told DN that I am here for her - she can share, not share, talk, shout, scream, whatever, and i will be here for her. And i will tell her that until i am blue in the face.

Sistine, you have been dealt a heavier hand than most of us. Please know that, today (IWD ), you made a difference to my life, and DN's in turn. Much love, and hope for the future of our girls xx

I feared having a daughter, I didn't know it was a fear until I got pregnant. Then I had a lot of sleepless nights, worrying and picturing things. I was angry at myself for letting myself get pregnant. I still sometimes feel that way to be honest, but at a more manageable level.

I didn't find out her sex until she was born and about two years in I developed what I know now is PTSD, or maybe it's complex PTSD - my counsellor doesn't really focus on the labels, which is one of the reasons I like her.

So anyway, I started seeing a counsellor. One thing that's helped me, that I've discovered through talking to my counsellor, is that my dd has something I didn't have, and that's me. And I am going to do my absolute best to make sure she's properly looked after, informed (in an appropriate way) and has a firm sense of boundaries.

I know it's no guarantee of course, but it helps. And I tell myself that if something bad happens, at the very least she will know (I hope) that she can tell me, and that she will be believed and supported, and that is the best I think we can do.

Sometimes I worry it means I'm not cut out to be a parent but I desperately hope that isn't true.

I very much doubt that’s true

And, fwiw, I worry about DS being exposed to and influenced by the worst of male attitudes/behaviour almost as much as I fear for DD being subjected to it.

I have two adult daughters. I raised both to be kickass feminists. I cant change the shitty patriarchy they have to live in, but I gave them the knowledge and weapons to deal with it. Neither of them bought into the fluffy pink unicorn crap - they have degrees in maths and business, well paid and respected managerial level jobs, decent men as partners.
And DD1 is krav maga trained - she can floor any male attacker in seconds. She’s a radfem and volunteers to provide security at meetings.
I never wanted sons, and I’m inordinately proud of my daughters, God bless them. They’re my gift to the future of the women’s movement!

My daughter is amazing and inspires me
I do a lot to try to teach her to trust her instincts - e.g. if she says she doesn't want to go somewhere with a man, I say fine and sort it out for her rather than tell her shes being silly, it'll be fine etc
I'm still scared for her tho

That you would care deeply about children and want to protect them? Sounds like a pretty good starting point for a parent to me.

One of the many gifts of parenting (Ive found) has been the challenge of having to learn to care for myself properly. You can't bugger off and hide from your problems - parenting has a way of forcing you to take responsibility. It's wonderfully effective at bringing issues to the surface and pretty efficient at forcing one to deal with them in a sensible, grown up way.

To do right by one's kids entails growing up, endlessly. I don't always appreciate this gift but it's there for the taking.

By which I am trying to say, OP, that just as parenting can be unbelievably difficult it can also be amazingly healing. Even the fear can be a gift.

This. Much love to you

You will be fine and good. You speakin* about it. This means you will be fine
My history not the best
. But now you are talking. It will be good. Never let the fear hold you back.

Grow and grow and grow

Know where you are coming from. Sigh

Agree parenting is wonderful and terrifying at the same time. I tell myself it's my job to raise my DDs & DS to be strong individuals with values like mine. They will not be raised with the nonsense stereotypes that men or women can't do things due to their sex. None will be violent or aggressive. If we all do that hopefully the next generation will be better and safer

Op - being a parent is the most humbling and frightening experience - amidst the joy. Keep talking if it helps - there's lots of us navigating through all this.

Mother to a daughter here. My heart lurches quite often when I think about what she is highly likely to put up with and how terrifying the world is for women. I have a son, too, my worries for him exist but just aren't the same as those I feel for my daughter.

I can see the roots of it already, in boys at school, in films, in the endless comments on her appearance, etc. Sometimes I think its getting a little bit better. Other times I think it's getting worse.

But women are strong and resilient and amazing; it's a blessing to me to have my beloved daughter.

I have a daughter. She is my eldest. When she was born I cried steadily for hours as I was aghast at having a daughter. Not because I was disappointed, far from it, but because I didn't want her to have to experience life as a female. And I say that as someone who has 'only' suffered fairly minor assaults and violence, not the horrific experiences that many women have had.