Metro story about male breast cancer survivor 'refused access to support group'

I wonder why Mr McCallion chose NOT to join any of the male breast cancer support groups online. There are several to choose from, a quick google reveals.
Or any of the male breast cancer support groups on facebook.
Or any of the mixed sex breast cancer support groups online or on facebook.
Or any of the mixed sex real life breast cancer support groups that are signposted on the Macmillan site within the Manchester region.

He mentions his awareness of the #BlueGetItToo male breast cancer campaign. I wonder why he didn't speak to them about support groups? That group was set up by a woman, for men's benefit.

I wonder why he specifically chose a female only support group and contacted the press to disparage them when they chose to remain female only?

It's quite a mystery.

If Ally Fogg believes that the group was somehow not "designated" for women, despite the evidence of the story itself, it means he doesn't believe the women running the group are the ultimate authorities over it. He genuinely believes that we need a man's permission.

Yes
Telling isnt it?

I'm harping on about this but it's so revealing. Designate is a very revealing choice of word. It doesn't mean "label" or "announce." It means something like "officially assign to" - as in, someone in authority has designated resource X for group Y.

If Ally Fogg believes that the group was somehow not "designated" for women, despite the evidence of the story itself, it means he doesn't believe the women running the group are the ultimate authorities over it. He genuinely believes that we need a man's permission.

Its astonishing how many males demand 'empathy' of women whilst demonstrating they have none for females.

It seems very likely that many such cases the false allegations are admissions & projections.

Ah Mr Fogg, you walked straight into that one, didn’t you, pet?

I don't think it's clear from the article whether this was a big issue for David that he's complaining about, or whether it's just the slant the journalist has given it.

When I looked earlier some groups are clearly for women only from the name. Others say women only in the group description.

Some say open to all in the group description.

I expect there are some that are women only but the volunteer admins haven’t thought to make that super clear at first glance, but if you were a man scrolling through the search results, surely you’d start with the biggest ‘open to all’ group and then ask in that one for recommendations to other, more specific ones?

There are a couple of pages for male breast cancer awareness with more than 5k followers apiece, so messaging one of those and asking about support groups is another option.

Maybe I’m being too logical-lady-brain about it all

Does he simply think women aren't allowed to claim spaces of our own and that's where this weirdness about "designating" it an all-female group comes from?

& when women do designate a group all-female, its challenged for excluding males who identify as women.

Completely agree with charlie

Oh! I get it now. He means that the group administrators may not have explicitly labelled it an all-female group so that it could be appropriately targeted and reported by TRAs and taken down by Facebook.

What the fuck is he talking about?

replying to myself because I can't get over that question. Does the clearheaded Mr Fogg not understand how Facebook groups work? The administrators set the rules of the group and determine who's allowed in them. Therefore if the group administrators choose to exclude men, it's an all-female group.

Does he simply think women aren't allowed to claim spaces of our own and that's where this weirdness about "designating" it an all-female group comes from? Clearly the group's administrators have designated it all-female, but they may not have sought a man's permission to do so.

He has previous form.

"1/ You'll need to point me to where in the coverage it says these Facebook groups were designated all-female?

...in... the... part.. where it says that... he was rejected from the groups because he's male? Like... in the headline?

What the fuck is he talking about?

Ally Fogg (male Guardian journalist) policing & demanding of women explaining why single sex support groups are sometimes essential.

"1/ You'll need to point me to where in the coverage it says these Facebook groups were designated all-female?

2/ It's a story about the avoidable isolation & marginalisation of hundreds of men with cancer. Whether the solution may be a men's group or a gender-neutral group is by the by, your reaction is nasty & cruel."

twitter.com/AllyFogg/status/1232950818095206404

From the image in the OP

"left alone to feel that real men don't get breast cancer, he turned online to get support"

It sounds to me like he would benefit from talking to other males with breast cancer.

None the less. Women's groups are allowed to focus on women.

Exactly @NatyoCheese.

When you read the article, it becomes immediately clear that he needs support a women's breast cancer group cannot provide.

He speaks of his shock, horror and shame at being diagnosed with what is commonly thought of as a women's illness.

He speaks specifically not about the cancer diagnosis per se being the shocking thing, but that he had breast cancer and about his fears that other men might doubt his masculinity and his manhood.

That is a markedly different reaction from the one women have to this diagnosis and needs a response that can adequately explore and address his emotional and mental needs.

As nowhere in the article is there even a hint of him being treated unkindly (beyond the fact that he was not kindly included in women's breast cancer support groups), there is no justification to assign blame to the women who rejected him (he approached several).

As pp pointed out, the women running the groups most likely told him about support dedicated to male breast cancer sufferers. And probably with sympathy and kindness - he does not claim otherwise.

A women's support group cannot and should not be expected to take care of the particular emotional needs arising from a breast cancer sufferer being male. That's why men founded support groups for male sufferers.

The article would have been much better and much more helpful, had the journalist bothered to explain this and then signposted other male sufferers to the specific support provided for them. It must be a common experience for men diagnosed with breast cancer to not know where to find support. Which is why I don't mind at all this poor man speaking out about this, it is a horrible disease after all, but the journalist missed an opportunity here to do some good with the story.

The replies under:

twitter.com/MBCoalition/status/1232946331976716293

are startling (but unsurprising). There are many young women on twitter are happy to throw women under the bus to get positive vibes from the MRA-minded. I know it's old but it always comes as a shock.

"You have to put men's feelings above your own, even if you might be dying" is the message I take away from all of this. To which I say, not for the first time, no parasan. I'm done with trying to reason with men like that.

Why did he try to join the group in the first place?

Did he not think and try and find a male group in the first place?

Don't get why he is acting in this way and expected to be included full stop.

Natyo, then it's not a relevant topic for this board, is it? First exactly the same reasons already discussed. As it is, the OP is talking about the delightful MRA using it as an excuse to berate women for daring not to centre men in everything. So yeah, still standing by every point made here.

so what does this even have to do with "TERFS"

It's Ally Fogg. One of the ultra progressive men who is forever alert to identify the wrong kind of women so he can scold them and get applause from similarly-minded men. He's been at this for years.

Those of you thinking the man is out of order, have you actually read the article? It’s clear to me from the article he’s not criticising the women who rejected him from the group but is raising awareness about the loneliness and isolation associated with being a Male with breast cancer.

I cannot imagine that a man with breast cancer and a woman with breast cancer are having the same kind of psychological experience.
The physical experience will have some commonalities, sure, but the rest of it?
Nope.

This.

This man clearly has no comprehension of how women's breasts being perceived as sexual is a significant point and something that men do not share.

There are plenty of women who will not want to discuss this in the presence of men for this reason.

There may be very personal accounts regarding sex or personal photos or self image and how the male gaze is relevant.

It is not appropriate for a male survivor to expect to be included for that reason.

This makes the man insensitive and yes misogynistic.

He has an experience but it is uniquely male. He should not expect to be prioritised over and above women.