Help! Where do I start explaining the trans issue to male friend?

Dh struggles with this and says he’d welcome transmen as a man. He finds it hard to see the predatory nature of men and how women feel unsafe a lot because he’s not like that. Gah.
But one thing I’ve said is they’re starting to make toilets gender neutral and I don’t want to share public toilets with men. I’m not talking about TW specifically, I’m talking about men who identify as men being in the same toilet are and walking past urinals etc. These are RL implications not theoretical let’s all be nice to each other guffs.
I also said that for a woman their whole being biologically, historically, sexually, socially and politically revolves around their reproductive system in one way or another so the physical side of being a woman is extremely important.

He’s a man, and not trans. He has no dog in this race. Tell him to keep out.

What do you people do to cheer up when you feel like the insanity will never end?

1. Stop pandering to men who do this. They know full well what a woman is and what they are doing is a form of abuse. (Yes I know many people think thats an overused word.)
   They are getting off on lecturing us that we arent real; stop facilitating them, stop wasting your energy on them.

2. Self care. Whatever that looks like to you, do enough of it.

3. Do something for other women, for women's rights. Do something small every day. Make it a habit.
   Focus your organising and fundraising efforts where they can do most good.
   If you can't speak much IRL you can do something on social media.

Where do I start?
How do I explain?

I get that his view is untenable to you (and lots of us), OP, but then there's another part of me who thinks 'jeez, look at all the women on this thread spending their valuable time working to spoon feed a lazy, misogynistic man to explain why women need rights'.

I would just distance myself, personally. It's not women's job to explain feminism to men.

Sarahmused
I shall read up but would be delighted to stand corrected.

@FamilyOfAliens

Ah, so it is OK for other people to have a different view to you without being lectured about it? Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Silly!

@TheBlueStocking

Campaigning for every single person on earth to have the same opinion is sooo 1095 – 1492.

That’s your takeaway from this thread? Good grief.

listeningquietly intersex people are either male or female just like everyone else. They are not somewhere in between and get pretty fed up with being used to demonstrate that sex is a spectrum when it obviously isn’t. @intersexfacts on twitter is very good at explaining this stuff.

Remember that many people don't know a lot about many issues, and a great many of them just put their trust in certain people or groups to work through things they are not experts on. A lot of people are not talented at thinking through philosophical questions, and plenty of them are scientists and engineers or have degrees.

Many women who post here came from the very same view your friend has, little knowledge, some half-formed ideas that may be partly right, wanting to be open-minded, trusting in the progressive parties they have always belonged to, unsure of the science of gender and sex because there is a lot of information out now that is confusing.

@FamilyOfAliens

Campaigning for every single person on earth to have the same opinion is sooo 1095 – 1492.

I was thinking--why do we respect people's identities?
Because there is no credible reason not to.
If someone said she was British, fine. I'm sure there's no limit to the courtesy that a liberal-minded person would extend to people with any kind of accent or color etc. in accepting that person's self-identity as British.
But if I, an American, decided that I identified as British to the point that I deserved British social services and a British government pension, even a liberal-minded person might question my identity. Even though I love Barbara Pym novels, Yorkshire tea, and long walks in the rain.
As a transBrit, I think I know a hell of a lot more about the UK than some stupid CisBrits who just live there eating McDonalds and don't even read Jane Austen novels or wear Laura Ashley.
Your country is smaller than mine, but I just have a feeling inside that because I like your castles and your books and lords and ladies, that I am one of you and you should share your resources with me. And if you don't share them with me, you are hateful.
Does that sound reasonable? Because if it doesn't, you're a trans-Brit-Phobe. And I don't see how that's different from any other kind of transphobe.

Very sad that a biological scientist says he thinks sex is a biological construct
Doh! I meant a social construct
Shouldn’t type in a hurry.

Seeking validation ffs. As if anyone seeks violation. 🙄

DodoPatrol: I have had similar conversations with my eldest DS. It finally clicked with him when he said that he would never take issue with his trans friends seeking violation, and I told him "yes, but they're not your rights to give away, to your friends or anyone else." And as the son of a gay woman, he completely gets, and is outraged by, lesbian erasure.

Very sad that a biological scientist says he thinks sex is a biological construct. He can’t really think that, so he is forcing himself to try to believe things that aren’t true, in order to keep his woke credentials. Psychologically, that is so harmful.

But my sympathy for him vanished when you said he considered the rape of women in prison was an acceptable risk.

Not really a kind person, then.

Leave the guy alone
is so last decade

Leave the guy alone. He's told you his views.

Oh do try and keep up @TheBlueStocking. #nodebate is so 2019.

For my DH (who has been less tolerant than me for a while) the big issue was risks and opportunities lost for our daughter.
We have a dear friend who has had sex change surgery which blurred it for both of us
but actually its simple

Women are Women
Men are Men
Trans and intersex are trans and intersex

no discrimination against any
rights for each that do not trample on the others

If he thinks sex is a social construct he's either a liar or an idiot. Also, why send you links to articles about DSDs if sex is a social construct. Also (I've not read the whole thread) but does he consider himself to have a sexuality? He just sounds like a sexist pillock to be fair. I guess all those women and girls who've experienced any form of sexism whatsoever were just too stupid to realise they could identify their way out of it.

I think it was when I told my DS that gay people were getting pelters for not fancying the opposite sex that it clicked as ridiculous and unfair

@FamilyOfAliens

Sorry to break it to you, but it is deeply weird to show pictures of people to your friends and demand to know whether they'd sleep with them or not to prove a point, hypothetical or otherwise.

Leave the guy alone. He's told you his views. You're going to be exhausting company if you insist on making them agree with you about everything.