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Original poster

Father sleeping in same bed as daughter

56 replies

Kellyc8911 · 21/02/2020 19:28

Please can anyone help with some advice I have a court order regarding my daughter who has to stay at her fathers every other weekend she is 9 years old and sleeping in the same bed as her father in a shared house that I do not know who the other tenants are. My daughter is quickly developing in her body and I have stated that I am not happy with them sharing a bed or in a shared house where she has no other privacy. Am I wrong for wanting the sleeping arrangements to stop as I don’t agree with this at all and feel I need to break my court order as social services recommend me to get a solicitor and I have tried this but I do not qualify for legal aid due to no proof of domestic abuse.

OP posts:
BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 21/02/2020 20:32

I’m not saying father can’t have her but when it comes to sleeping I feel she should be at home in her own bed in her own bedroom

From what you’ve posted, her father can’t afford (or is unwilling, though I doubt that’s the case here) to not be able to have his own private living space with a separate bedroom for her. So what do you propose or think should happen if you have no issue with her father having her (enforced by a court order)?

CaptainKirksSpikeyGhost · 21/02/2020 20:32

Right, so i'm guessing you didn't right the almost identical thread a few days ago?

Original poster
Kellyc8911 · 21/02/2020 20:31

I do not let my daughter sleep in bed with myself as I haven’t from such a young age I have asked a month ago to put the bed together that I provided two years ago for him as numerous amount of times have asked in past he has declined and still has not provided suitable sleeping arrangements.

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 21/02/2020 20:28

Sorry , but this is very odd thinking to me. He’s her father ffs!!! Are you honestly concerned that her father is a sexual threat?

Why is this so unbelievable? I was sexually accused by my father until similar circumstances. Most sexual abuse is perpetrated by an adult close to the child. I would absolutely be concerned by this. It’s unacceptable that the child has no option but to share a bed with her father - what is she supposed to do if she’s uncomfortable about it? Do you honestly think she would say so? I’ve been that child and it took me years to tell anyone. I would not take the risk. The child needs the ability to sleep separately if she chooses.

Original poster
Kellyc8911 · 21/02/2020 20:28

My daughter has developed in her body but I just feel she has to have her own privacy. I’m not saying father can’t have her but when it comes to sleeping I feel she should be at home in her own bed in her own bedroom

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/02/2020 20:26

I think Social Services would be very interested in a 9yo girl forced to sleep in the same bed as her father whether she wanted to or not

It is the lack of another option that is the problem

BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 21/02/2020 20:24

The shared house thing can’t be avoided I would have thought as you can’t force someone to get their own place if they can’t afford it?

Not because of anything dodgy or sinister but if your daughter wants her own bed (and at 9 she should) could he not buy a sleeping bag and a pillow and sleep on the floor for the every other weekend she stays over if that’s what she would prefer?

If your daughter wanted to get into bed with you and her father found out about this, would you think it okay if he was angry about it like you are, or not? And if not, why not?

loveyouradvice · 21/02/2020 20:23

As someone who felt very uncomfortable every time my dad got into bed with me, I think it is crucial we know how the daughter feels -

it is unusual for this to be the only option. Surely she needs her own space?

FaFoutis · 21/02/2020 20:20

Has the father abused you?

Ferretyone · 21/02/2020 20:18

@Kellyc8911

Mackenzie friends are usually at low cost or even free

mclover · 21/02/2020 20:17

Meh - more important she has a relationship with her dad and sleep overs help

Ferretyone · 21/02/2020 20:17

@Kellyc8911

You do not have to have a solicitor [etc] to go to court. If you have a court order then you can just submit an application to vary the order in the way that you wish. It would set out what you want ["DD not to sleep in same bed as father on visits"] and your reasons for that.

If you want some assistance try and find a "MacKenzie friend" who will help you and also go with you to court. Be aware though that they can help you but they cannot normally speak in court

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 21/02/2020 20:11

I can see why it would bother someone, not from the point of view of anything to do with abuse but children should have privacy and if she has none then this is not a long term solution.

I would also not be happy with the shared house and not knowing who could be in there.

Have you asked your DD how she feels?

Waveysnail · 21/02/2020 20:03

As long as he isn't naked then who cares

slipperywhensparticus · 21/02/2020 20:00

I understand I wouldn't be happy either I mean what happens if she starts her period how is he going to feel having that on his sheets! If she stays regularly she needs her own bed even if it's a sofa bed or a mattress on the floor would be preferable to sharing

Nursing83 · 21/02/2020 19:59

I dont think its unreasonable for them to share a bed. I do think its unreasonable that she has no other option though. If he's in a shared house could he buy a single mattress for the floor for when she comes over so she has the option to sleep in bed with him or on her own. Getting this message across amicably could be tricky though

Strongmummy · 21/02/2020 19:59

Sorry , but this is very odd thinking to me. He’s her father ffs!!! Are you honestly concerned that her father is a sexual threat? If so, she should not be seeing him at all and social services need to be informed.

CaptainKirksSpikeyGhost · 21/02/2020 19:57

Didn't you post an identical thread the other day?

couchlover · 21/02/2020 19:56

If your daughter is unhappy then do something, if not then leave it be.

Oakmaiden · 21/02/2020 19:53

glances warily at Karen

OP - why exactly does this concern you? Is your daughter unhappy with the situation?

Fishcakey · 21/02/2020 19:52

I'm in my forties and I'd share a bed with my dad if I needed to. He's my dad for gods sake!

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