Visitors on post-natal wards - a feminist issue?

It'll never work because so many proclaim they absolutely need the man there at all hours (usually couched in terms of dad's are always there just to tend lovingly to their 'partners' and babies), he's a total saint (yet the Relationship boards are full of people whose bar is so low a flea could limbo on it and people who regularly procreate with weapons grade twats) and of course, staffing levels mean women are treated like less than dogs after giving birth.

Didn't MN actually campaign to allow partners to do this?

They campaign against I think:

twitter.com/MumsnetTowers/status/1226841853787549696?s=19

I think it's a balancing act - on the one hand it's good for the dads to be involved from the off and supportive. And if the dad isn't present or willing then having a supportive person may benefit that mother. The problem is when there are multiple people, and/or placing demands on the staff rather than helping, and/or intruding on the peace or privacy of other mothers.

In an ideal world, there would be more staff - 'auxiliaries' to help with making sure the mums are comfortable as well as midwives. For now - no more than one supporter outside of visiting hours, and any of these who are troublesome should be given one warning and then ejected.

If anyone wants more than this - more space, food provided etc then they should go private. NHS hospitals aren't hotels.

Lack of staff is a reason many women want their partner there, though. They need someone to help them.

I remember a couple arriving on my ward after midnight just after she had given birth. The partner was allowed to come up to the post natal ward with her but was expected to leave straight away. The fuss he made woke up everyone in my 6 bed bay and probably the other bays as well. He did leave but reappeared at 6:30am leaning on the buzzer to get into the ward waking everyone up again. There was a heated discussion with the midwife and then he was allowed in again! Totally selfish.

I also remember a lady who had had a CS. I agree she wasn’t looked after enough but without any partners on the ward other women could see this and she felt able to ask for help. We rallied round getting her food. Helping her reach her baby etc. It shouldn’t have needed to happen but it did and definitely wouldn’t have if we had partners and relatives with us.

Completely agree with you.

I said on another thread that I worked nights on a post natal years ago when it wasn’t allowed. On the rare occasion a member of staff allowed partners to stay, on the whole they were a pain in the arse. However in those days management backed the staff when they made visitors leave. Most visitors left without kicking up a fuss.

Is it a feminist issue? Yes it is. We are socialised to be kind and let’s face it, it wouldn’t be allowed on a ward where all the patients are male.

I don't think most women really want to be told their partners can't stay, so I don't think this is a straightforward issue of women being put upon. In fact for many years partners were not able to stay. Many people also thought his was important to have fathers become more involved with their babies from the beginning.

I do think it's interesting to see that some of the issues nursing staff initially had with these kinds of changes were legitimate.

The solution from my perspective has to be a move away from open wards. That's a big project though.

I was on my own for pregnancy birth and ever after so limited visitors, but remember listening to a man quite forcefully telling his wife she must try to breast feed and when that didn't work pump, despite midwife repeatedly saying her milk wasn't in yet and to wait, relax. All go on you must be able to, try again with the pump once the midwife left the room, as though she was doing something wrong. It was hideous. He happened to be well spoken white British, she was possibly Chinese. Its not just disruption that woman needed a break.

I'ts a feminist issue because maternity wards are woefully understaffed, and mothers who have just given birth or had CS are expected to take care of themselves and their newborns without sufficient assistance.

I remember a poster comparing her stay in the hopsital after a keyhole surgery for other reasons, and CS - in the first case she was not allowed to do anything, hot and cold running nurses everywhere, as much pain relief as she wanted etc. With CS, a much more serious procedure, she had to get up and get her own water and food, otherwise she would have starved. Because it's a maternity ward, it's not important.

Didn't MN actually campaign to allow partners to do this?