Puzzled - Philip Schofield

I was more surprised by the fact he was married for 27 years with kids as I thought he was gay (well never really thought about it but I wasn't shocked when someone told me that he was - but was shocked at the marriage bit)

I hope the coming out part was his choice and not that he has been forced into it the way some people have been by the media

No I can't agree with that.

'It's up to him to define his sexuality. Not really'

I worked in HIV prevention in the 90s and it was always targeted at men who have sex with men (and idu) as if it was targeted at gay or bisexual men, it would miss men who did have sex with men but saw themselves as heterosexual.

'And sexuality does not = who you have sex with. Yes really.'

No not at all. In porn 'gay for pay' is a thing. The women who are with women may not be gay. Loads of people all over the world who are gay are in het relationships for a variety of reasons. There are gay people who are not sexually active, also straight people who are not sexually active. People experiment. Many kids know their sexuality before becoming sexually active.

The thing with all this is that the current push to totally redefine what these things mean eg a male and female identifying as a queer or gay couple etc is undermining the reasons these things were a bit flexible in the first place.

There are also a lot of conversations around enforced heterosexuality which feed into it all.

It's a real shame tbh.

The other reason might be that bi people are still viewed with suspicion by both straight and gay people.

Having read the interview someone posted from before he got married and being as everyone seemed to know. I am increasingly thinking Steph knew and it was a lavender marriage or she agreed to be a beard.

DB is gay, he had a GF for years before coming out. I personally feel it’s unfair to suggest he’s wrong to hide this as it embarrasses his family for whatever reasons. Being gay isn’t a choice, people hide it or refuse to accept it for a numbers of reasons.

Also - how very dare you start another thread, Op

It's up to him to define his sexuality. Not really.

And sexuality does not = who you have sex with. Yes really.

Why is he not bisexual if he has had sex with a woman for years and fathered children?

It's up to him to define his sexuality.
And sexuality does not = who you have sex with.

I don't think it is wrong to openly talk/speculate about the ramifications his actions have caused his family

I don’t think it’s homophobic. But I guess I do think it’s “wrong”. Speculation about anyone I don’t know, and who hasn’t spoken publicly, sits uneasily with me. It’s dressed up as concern, but really how could it be? How would it feel for PS’s wife to read speculation about whether she knew/how long she’d known/how shitty this person she still probably loves is?

As a kids tv presenter, he was not under pressure to marry or make a statement about his sexuality either way - the whole point of kids tv presenters is their non sexual, non threatening persona. He chose to marry and have kids, when he could have remained single - it's the deceit and using his wife that I find disturbing. It's not like he was a politician whose persona relied on being a family man.

My first ever bf was gay. We were as emotionally close as any straight bf ive had but there was no sex so that was weird

Why do people assume he lied to his wife, maybe she accepted to live with his sexuality and was happy to enjoy their relationship as it was, until he felt the need (for his head) to publicly announce it.

He doesn't have to be bi, they may never have had a sexual relationship, he could still father children with her, without doing the deed.

He might have announced it because someone else was about to.

I can see advantages to marriage to a gay man.

Name one

I have noticed in work, been working since mid 90s, that there has been a steady increase in out gay men

But it's still rare to come across an out lesbian

I had a manager who was a lesbian and my male colleagues found her unsettling, I mean not in an obvious way, but they would occasionally say odd things. And none of them liked her.

@NoSquirrels but the point is that people are claiming that anything negative written about him is homophobic. We don't don't know all the details and maybe she is ok/has know since before the marriage. But I don't think it is wrong to openly talk/speculate about the ramifications his actions have caused his family.

Re. famous women coming out as lesbians - there are a couple of'well known' people I can think of. Mary Portas came out; her husband was apparently supportive. In the US, the food blogger/writer Molly Wizenberg writes about her husband being supportive when she came out.

I do agree the asymmetry tells us a lot about misogyny.

Hell look at the backlash Cerrie Burnell received for not hiding her arm in 2009 onwards!

Had forgotten all about that
I think it was another big parenting site, not here that I remember being truly sickened by a thread how she was scaring the kids.
Fucking horrible.
We're definitely more accepting nowadays and this is a good thing.

I am more surprised to discover he is married than that he is gay.

On almost every thread about Philip Schofield on MN over the years someone has posted about him being gay - maybe his wife has covered for him over the years and has been happy in their arrangement as best friends but now the kids are older she wants a real life, maybe she has met someone - who knows, It's not for us to speculate. All I see is people using prime time TV for their own agenda, their own personal blog, but Loose Women do that all the time

Also, what IF a man doesn't actually accept or really believe he is gay until much later in life?
This, he might not have admitted it to himself properly, it's not necessarily lying or whatever.
Could have been something he's grappled with internally for years and wanted to finally be true to himself.

Goddammit site jumping around. Couldnt edit or finish!
1998.
Can you imagine the uproar of a gay male children's presenter?
Hell look at the backlash Cerrie Burnell received for not hiding her arm in 2009 onwards!

A friend of mine who is a gay man and was a child in the 80s/90s tweeted today that it would have meant the world to him if any children's TV presenter back then had been openly gay. I found that very poignant.

Chris Smith MP was the first openly gay MP in the UK. He came out in 1984. There were plenty of rumours about other public figures but not many were brave enough to go public during the section 28 years.

Wikipedia: The amendment was enacted on 24 May 1988, and stated that a local authority "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality" or "promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship".[2] It was repealed on 21 June 2000 in Scotland by the Ethical Standards in Public Life etc. (Scotland) Act 2000, one of the first pieces of legislation enacted by the new Scottish Parliament, and on 18 November 2003 in the rest of the United Kingdom by section 122 of the Local Government Act 2003.

Evil, pure evil, to make life so difficult for lesbians and gay men.

I don’t think it’s homophobic to feel that it’s a shit way to treat your spouse to basically dump them publicly, announce to the world that the marriage was a sham, you’d basically duped them into being a beard, and then garner praise for how ‘brave’ you are to do all of this. It smacks of her just being a bit-part in his life story for him, doesn’t show her any (public) respect as a complete independent human whose life he has massively changed by doing this.

Cwenthryth and others - did you read his statement? It’s pretty much ALL about his public apology to his wife and daughters. It’s very respectful of her, and his family.

I have great sympathy for anyone in the situation she finds herself in, and made worse by the publicity of course, but I think it’s a bit much to accuse PS of ‘dumping her publicly’ and treating her as a ‘bit part’. Or speculating about theur marriage being a sham etc.

No one would want to be in his wife’s position but he can hardly be accused of making it all about him, even though he’s the celeb. He’s been up front about his family whilst trying (one hopes) to shield his wife somewhat.

'Do we ever hear about famous women coming out as lesbians and the supportive husbands and children who stood by them?'

Interestingly there is another thread going with a married woman who thinks they may be gay. It seems not uncommon for women to realise in middle age. And they get a lot of support on MN.

So I'm thinking, even as a regular fwr poster, that I may be applying double standards.

Weather PS is a Tory Bastard or not, It does seem a bit weird in this day & age to make such a mountain out of a molehill though no?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GNIbb-52lGU

Also, what IF a man doesn't actually accept or really believe he is gay until much later in life?

What should he do? Just lie to his wife and family? Honestly, I would be devastated if my DH told me he was gay but I would be pleased he told me rather than live the rest of his life unfulfilled or deprive me of happiness too