Line Manager just "come out" as Non-binary

OK, then I am now asking to be addressed (by those arguing that the line manager is in the right) as Your Highness. Why would anyone not comply, if they truly believe that it's only fair to call people what they ask to be called?

it would be rude and unprofessional and dismissive of her life and choices were I to refuse to call her by her chosen name, claim that it was too difficult to remember the name change

Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms, Dr, Professor, Your Highness (Kittens ) etc etc are not pronouns, they are honorifics. They serve to describe the status of a person within society and as a result they are subject to change, often do change, and we are socially conditioned to expect change.

Pronouns are specific to sex, which cannot change, so pronouns can’t change, and as such changing pronouns for a person when their sex remains the same hurts brains, and as much as someone can demand that we get used to it, what they can’t do is expect it to go perfectly every single minute of every single day of their sad, narcissistic lives because the world isn’t like that.

This is hilarious: if I were in HR I'd tell you that the Equality Act is irrelevant and you should do what your Line Manager asks you to do, in accordance with your employment contract

I've recently signed a new employment contract and there was nothing in it about doing what my direct line manager says at all times even if they are wrong/having a breakdown/abusive/gone mad. And what about the big boss above him? What if they want me to do something different from my line manager? I cant believe someone could actually think that 😀

@TheProdigalKittensReturn You can request it, as the line manager has done. And you can remind people, as the line manager has done.

People's responses will be their own, and it will be up to you how you choose to deal with them. As the line manager is doing.

It’s just a bit silly really.

I’m not a girly girl - but I don’t cringe when I’m called ‘She’. Why would I?

Lord help them if they - like me - have colleagues in the southern states of the US. I get called ‘Miss Fu-runt-paaaaawwwww’ on conference calls and it has me in stitches.

I think you're approaching this in a very foolish way OP.

You seem to have a genuine grievance with your line manager and the way they have undertaken their job over the past 18 months. You haven't mentioned any formal complaints to HR so I'm guessing you haven't made any?

Contact HR listing all your complaints about them as a line manager.

I'd suggest you use her name in any correspondence or you are creating a smokescreen that will undermine any future complaints. There is also no reason to deliberately be rude by calling them what they have asked you not to call them. If you don't like saying 'they' stick to 'Angela'.

Next time a promotion come up that you think you'd be good at. Apply. Then you'll spare yourself all this bitterness.

I don't have a clue about any of this and I am happy to be heading towards early retirement so I don't have to deal with this self obsessed, attention seeking shit.

If it's just a personal preference why can't I demand that I be addressed as her/your highness?

@Lordfrontpaw I think it's just a personal preference. No need for everybody to understand.

I would be a bit bemused if someone did this in my office.

Pronouns are sex (the letter) based surely not gender (the envelope)?

The envelope is irrelevant - we read the letter.

I see the ever so subtle threats have started. The comments that tell the OP that she’ll get into trouble if she doesn’t capitulate to this nonsense because she has to be ‘kind’ or her job may be at risk. As for that nonsense about getting into trouble if she refuses to use pronouns and only uses the twit’s name, my eyes can’t roll back any further. This discussion has obviously been noticed and now certain people are trying to use scare tactics on you OP.

By the way, as for this crap If I were in HR I'd tell you that the Equality Act is irrelevant and you should do what your Line Manager asks you to do, in accordance with your employment contract. If you were a line manager and told an employee that the Equality Act was irrelevant, you’d be the one looking for a new job.

Thinking about it, it's weird to use sex based pronouns in a lot of situations.

I would like to fuck him" - sex based pronoun is relevant

I would like to ask him what he thinks about our manager's plans to change the office furniture" - sex isn't relevant. And who knows, maybe a lot of unconscious biases against women could be avoided if a non
sex-specific pronoun was to be used

But in your second sentence it would become
"I would like to ask they what they think about our managers plans to"

Or "I would like to ask them what they think about our managers plans"
The first is stupidly clunky the second will have people asking who?
Dont imagine only one person in the workplace will require they/them pronouns.

My mum always used to use my married name (sending cards etc). I never use it. So what it’s just a name - and convention is that a woman changes her name.

I am big enough to realise that I cant change to world and language to suit little old me.

I love my maiden name and now my son sometimes get mail addressed to him with his first name (my dads name) and my maiden name. That makes me smile as he never got to meet my dad.

I'm not keen on the way that many women take their husband's surname when they get married. But if a colleague were to get married and change her name, it would be rude and unprofessional and dismissive of her life and choices were I to refuse to call her by her chosen name, claim that it was too difficult to remember the name change, say that she was the one dragging her personal sex life into the workplace and that every time she used her new name it reinforced the idea that a woman submits to her husband and so I was justified in refusing to use her name because it undermined my own professional authority.

you should do what your Line Manager asks you to do, in accordance with your employment contract

Wow. Surely there are some limits to what a Line Manager can demand of an employee they manage? I bet there's case law on this from employment tribunals. Compelled speech is a thorny issue.

I was emailing a supplier (is never met or spoke to them) whose name was something like James Joyce (male and female names).

I got muddled because the email was surname.firstname@... so of course I kept writing Dear ‘Joyce’. ‘James’ never felt the need to report me to my MD or call the police.

It sounds like she is a self absorbed bad manager. But if you show dissent it will look bad for you, be interpreted as aggression, possibly bullying and harassment. Do not rise to it.

You can either do what she says and show grace - this manager is likely to increasingly make herself look bad - if you can become non binary yourself. If you do the latter you will need to do it with maximum sincerity or you will be accused of bullying.

I'd like to see an equality impact assessment done on how putting your pronouns in your email signature affects how other people treat you. Obviously it will often be obvious from someone's name which sex they are but not always. Putting in 'she/her/hers' makes it crystal clear. This case comes to mind: www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/gender-inequality-man-woman-switch-names-week-martin-schneider-nicky-knacks-pay-gap-a7622201.html Man and woman work side by side in customer service role. Man accidentally replies to customers using woman's sign off. Is amazed at difference in customers' responses. Man and woman swap sign offs for a week, both treated very differently by many customers. Guess which way round ...

Making it even clearer which sex a member of staff or student is will surely be a recipe for even more sexism, surely?

I would use their name and they/them where it won’t completely buffer up meanings of a sentence.

I would also make it very clear to them and HR that a slip of the tongue may well happen - and this is not a hangable offence. It has to cut both ways.

I would probably respond back and cc all as you suggested 'Thanks for the reminder Angela. Going forward when addressing they I will make sure I use them preferred pronouns. I hope this is OK with they. ' which sounds ridiculous.
And then going forward I would never use pronouns again but use Angela.

Seems you have a tacit agreement with her, OP, and a similar attitude to each other.

I believe her personal feeling have no relevance in the workplace.

Take a look at yourself.

We are supposed to put our preferred pronouns in our email footer. I haven't as I think it's a load of mumbo jumbo. If they make me I am going to put "it"

You won’t win this pointless battle.

Organisations default setting is to protect their structure, so they are unlikely to undermine your boss over you. And, even if they do, she will still be your boss and look for any small mistake you might make to ‘get’ you.

If you hate it so much, look for another job. Don’t look for fairness in workplaces, if you have value move onwards and upwards.