Called a ‘girl’ at work...

I work in a heavily male profession. I’ve been called “gents” via email copied in with other male recipients. People have addressed me by the wrong name in meetings in front of clients on more than one occasion. I’ve not been extended a hand shake while other male colleagues are...These are the minor incidents and the list goes on.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be upset or that it’s OK but you really need to save your energy for the bigger battles. Be prepared. I was de-railed so often in the middle of an important meeting by everyday sexism that I used to think ahead to possible incidents and plan my reaction. That way you can be prepared and keep your cool.

We always say the girls at work

I have a female colleague who calls us ladies ironically and it is fine but I think there is a difference between colleagues referring to themselves as girls informally and referring to a person from another company that you don’t really know. By now, it’s not unreasonable to have expected them to have learned your name.

I’d be annoyed too Annoyed94 (but am now too old to be called a girl at work).

OP I get you,

It’s disrespectful. They weren’t calling you that before they saw you.

At my last job when I went out on site I was introduced to clients as anything from ‘one of the admin girls’ to ‘this is Bat’ she is responsible for ‘y’. You can guess which one I felt was more reasonable

Notably the people who gave me the ‘one of the admin girls’ treatment did not give that same type of treatment to the one guy who actually did work on the admin team (I didn’t, had a more senior, more responsible role).

That's a pretty low bar tbh.

I see people use it as the equivalent of "guy" for a female person,

That. I called my team 'the girls'. They were 40-50 years old. They referred to each other as girls/the girls.
Unlike males, we don't have a handy term between girl and woman. Men have lads and guys to fill the gap between boy and man.

So context is key. I'd often say 'the girl from...' as well. My friend works for a company in the City where the two owners are referred to as 'the boys'.

Demeaning behaviour generally has more to it than just being referred to in your absence as 'the girl from...'. Being called a clever girl to your face, or a pretty girl, or 'just a girl' is another matter entirely.

In my line of work, I have been called 'some bird', a 'bitch' and of course the C word.

Girl is the least offensive term I could probably be called.

'm 36, in a senior role for a company I have worked at for several years. While talking to one of the directors the other week he said 'you are a clever girl aren't you'. It felt very patronising!

^

Friggin Nora.

Are you a manager?
^

Yes. And she had the haircut too.

I would not react well, as someone aged 46 and in a reasonable job, to anyone saying something like, is that girl coming to the meeting.

It would be fucking weird tbh!

What is your explanation of the pa and office manager in my office being referred to as 'the girls' by lots of men eg have you booked your flight? No, I'll get the girls to do it... While women in other roles are given names.

Jeez
Guys and girls. It's just a casual term.

I call myself a girl. I'm 47 and very senior at work. So does the CEO. Who is older than me even.

Are you a manager?

I think that the equivalent of girl in that context was not boy, so much as guy. And "is that guy from dept x coming" is not so odd. In fact it's pretty usual even in a professional office.

I've had this discussion a lot, and what inevitably comes out is that many many people, both men and women, use those terms at work regularly, and don't mind them. A lot of variation too depending on the work sector and the backgrounds of the individual speaker in terms of things like region and class. Also the type of work which intersects somewhat with class.

So while it's not wrong to dislike it, we're all entitled to our personal opinion, I think it's inaccurate to assume the motives of those speaking that way are based on lack of respect of a particular individual or women in general. There are times when that is the motive and it can be quite clear in some contexts, but this doesn't strike me as one of them.

Yes! Why would you call a woman a girl? Or accept others calling you a girl when you're over 40. I find it odd and sometimes offensive depending on the speaker! Woman/women isn't offensive so why not use it?

Drinks with girls
Girls night out.
Lads Holiday.

Are these all offensive too?

That's why I said in my experience, goosefoot.

I think you're being pretty unreasonable. People love to get offended over anything these days. I refer to my friends as girls and we are mid to late 30s. No problem at all.

It is invariably men though

You must never have worked in the typing pool!

I just cant get my head round how someone could have the time to be offended by this.

I'm female. I refer to myself as a girl. Colleagues (majority female) refer to ourselves as "the girls" ("going for lunch with the girls from work") - honestly, are there not more important things to stress about?

@richele4 if the op was male would you think it was acceptable for them to say “is that boy from xx department joining?”

You don't tend to hear men, young or otherwise, referred to as boys.

I think this is quite variable really. You do in some sectors, particularly when referring to a group. As in "let's take these plans to the boys down in engineering and see what they think".

The main thing I have noticed with girls, boys, or guys is that they are usually used to refer to people who are peers or lower in the work hierarchy. (Although there are "the boys upstairs" or the old boys club, so maybe I am wrong.)

I have a female older than me colleague who always comes in and says good morning children, I absolutely hate it. I am 45!!!

You should have announced your presence by saying "Hi Boys".

Seriously though - I totally get why you are cross. I always challenge people who say 'girls' at work. I just politely ask people not to do it and refer to people as women or colleagues.

It is invariably men though

In my experience it's not just young people who have the habit of referring to female colleagues as girls!