Called a ‘girl’ at work...

Wow @Cwenthryth - I think you may well have made your colleague feel more uncomfortable than he made you by saying that

It’s fine that some posters don’t find this an issue and aren’t offended by it, that’s great. But many of us including the OP are and it has made her feel uncomfortable at work.

I once responded to a senior male colleague referring to me as ‘girl’ by saying “actually, Tom, I began menstruating at 14 and haven’t been a girl for a long time” (the slight TMI was ok in context, and didn’t make him feel any more uncomfortable than he made me feel) and he’s minded himself a lot better around female staff since.
It’s all about context, and acceptability to the person you’re addressing. Like two friends might call each other ‘bitch’ as an affectionate in-joke, but if my manager called me that then it would clearly not be acceptable. I don’t object to my friend inviting me over for a ‘girl’s night’ although I don’t use the term myself, she likes it and tbf we do mostly act like 13 year olds raiding their parents liquor cabinet at a sleepover but my manager calling me a girl? No thanks. Invites too much unconscious bias.

OP in your position, depending on your level of comfort, I’d either drop an email directly to the colleague, explaining that you heard him refer to you as girl and you don’t find it an acceptable term to refer to a female colleague in the workplace, could he please refrain in future, and cc in your HR. Or, go via HR with same if you’d prefer. Not nastily or accusing of anything, don’t have to go into detail about why it is inappropriate in the first instance, just, this happened, it made me feel uncomfortable, please don’t repeat. Good luck!

I simply can't believe the number of women who seem to think it's okay or really minor to be called a girl at work. It's infantilising and I certainly can't think of any instance in a professional environment where people talk about "the new boy joining the team" when the boy would be 26.

The chairman of the firm I worked for in my late 20s used to refer to me as “my dear”. People said he was sexist. He was very old fashioned - sure - but actually a big supporter of women being promoted, allowing flexible working for women coming back from maternity leave etc. So I judged him on what he did rather than his use of a rather passé phrase when trying to be friendly/cordial to a young woman who was probably younger than his daughter.

I hate to be referred to as girl in the office , I don’t like to be referred to as ladies either. But to be honest in my place of work these terms are frowned upon

It wouldn't bother me personally but you should raise it if you didn't feel comfortable with it.

I would say “girls night out” or meeting up with the girls, or my daughter is only a girl, it’s short hand in those circumstances for fun. ( maybe that’s another thread entirely.) However I can vividly remember being absolutely furious at being referred to as a girl in a work environment aged 26. I mean I was livid. Someone had said in my ear shot that - they had “a girl here who could do it”- completely incandescent. I wasn’t to be regarded as a girl. I was a highly qualified woman with the right experience and ability in my field. Not a girl who could do it.

You are being ridiculous listing all the names, "Dear All" /"Good afternoon All" is standard usage.

Dear colleagues is standard in my workplace. A less formal option used is Hi folks. Which is used depends on the formality of the email/subject/ relationship with the recipients.

We used to say "lads" and "lasses" at work more than anything, but the younger women would have a "girls night out". Managers (of both sexes) used to refer to the young women in the typing pool as girls and the older women in the comptometer office as ladies.
Is it now unacceptable to refer to women as "young ladies" or "ladies"?

Is it a coincidence that AlCalavicci got the strongest response to her email? Responses here from women are divided between those who either don’t mind at all or silently seethe when called a ‘girl’ at work but these men immediately made it clear that they didn’t like gents. It’s women who are usually told they can’t take light hearted remarks or banter but clearly not. I thought it was quite funny to use all the names since then.

Other posters have pointed that it’s not just about the word but the motives behind it. SallySun123 had some good advice about being prepared not to be derailed by everyday sexism. Now you have heard one person call you ‘girl’, Annoyed94, then you know you should listen carefully to see if it was a slip of the tongue or if that person might undermine or devalue your contribution.

Op, you are not being ridiculous

Small things matter, everyday sexism matters. You can care about bigger things and still be bothered by this. I have heard speeches by Female CEOs who point out that this matters and the importance of challenging the small as well as the big and how they use their platform to change language in their organisations because they e had years of dealing with this kind of thing.

About two weeks ago aI sent a email out to 9 men , the fact that it was all men on the email was pure chance , I addressed my email asGood afternoon gents , as discussed . . . . .
I got a very quick response that they were not a set of toilets ( no mention of the subject I had emailed them on ) so for the last two weeks I have carefully sent emails addressed ( at least 5 or 6 a day)
Good afternoon , Bob , Fred, Paul, Bill, David, Joe, Peter, Steve, Tony

"Gents" is awful. You would not say that to their faces so why put it in an e-mail? I have used "Gentlemen" occasionally or more usually"all"

You are being ridiculous listing all the names, "Dear All" /"Good afternoon All" is standard usage.

@AlCalavicci you’re purposefully being ridiculous. You can just use your ’Good afternoon’ and omit the six names after.

I think you’re being petty

I got called a girl at work in my late twenties and was fine with it. I'm 43 now and refer to other women of varying ages as girls. I don't think it's offensive at all

The low bar was in response to pp who said they'd rather be called girl than bitch or cunt.

Good afternoon gents , as discussed . . . . .
I got a very quick response that they were not a set of toilets ( no mention of the subject I had emailed them on ) so for the last two weeks I have carefully sent emails addressed ( at least 5 or 6 a day)
Good afternoon , Bob , Fred, Paul, Bill, David, Joe, Peter, Steve, Tony

You could just say, "Hi everyone," which includes everyone and also works if they're in different timezones.

I'd mention it and have done, just, "I'm over 18, I'm a woman, not a girl," and moved on. I have also responded to mails starting, "gents," to point out we are not all gents. I complained about signs saying, "beware, men working behind doors." Al these things are minor, but they add up, and it's important for them to remember that women can also do these jobs, and most of my close colleagues do now think, "Emma will have something to say about that," and sometimes modify what they say, or just tell me after, "you should have been in that meeting with X when he said..." The next stage is for them to challenge these things in meetings not just report back to me, but I can't achieve miracles...

It does count. I challenge it every time. I challenge the bigger stuff, too. It's exhausting. But it's making a small difference, and maybe it will make it a little easier for the women coming after me.

That's a pretty low bar tbh.

What's a low bar? That meaning sometimes depends on context?

About two weeks ago aI sent a email out to 9 men , the fact that it was all men on the email was pure chance , I addressed my email as
Good afternoon gents , as discussed . . . . .
I got a very quick response that they were not a set of toilets ( no mention of the subject I had emailed them on ) so for the last two weeks I have carefully sent emails addressed ( at least 5 or 6 a day)
Good afternoon , Bob , Fred, Paul, Bill, David, Joe, Peter, Steve, Tony .

That is one of the many small ways they "other" us.
I hope you know who did it, because they will likely undermine you in other ways as well.

Ruby2020
You are spot on there are more important things.

And actually I'm bloody hopeless at remembering names, so I would probably have said 'is what's her name in accounts joining us again!'

I was in a leaders meeting at school with one man ( the executive Head) and six women. We were discussing some tricky scenarios and how to deal with them. One of his suggestions was that we should all 'man up' rather than letting our emotions get in the way.
I was very polite when I immediately asked him not to use such sexist terms, none of us wished to be men neither did we wish to ignore emotions when dealing with people's lives. He asked me to explain what I meant, which I did, and he apologised to all of us.