Changing YOUR behaviour to keep safe

Goose I wouldn't want a dog. It's true that those crimes are rare and I'm much more likely to be attacked by the partner I don't have.

However, I'm also expecting a lot of single woman hassle in a house. There's still some in flats, but as I say, there's a vague sense of protection in being surrounded by other occupants.

But in a house....it’s so sad because I really really want a house and garden but there’s so many safety issues to consider.

Well, you could get a dog. Even small dogs tend to deter house-invasion.

But in most places house invasion is really not common, and it's often about burglary when it happens. You're much more likely to be hurt in other ways.

I hope to live in a house one day and as a single woman, that does worry me. In my block of flats, I have a rape alarm by the door and if anyone has to do work in here, that alarm going off would alert the neighbours - though they might be too deafened to assist.

But in a house....it’s so sad because I really really want a house and garden but there’s so many safety issues to consider.

Where I live now, I don't take any precautions at all. There are one or two taxi drivers I wouldn't get in a car with, but I last took at taxi in 2007 anyway. I walk with my dog on deserted beaches and along public roads. Anyone trying to get to me would have to get past my dog and I wish them luck with that! Plus, I live in a very remote area with an extremely low crime rate. My front door doesn't have a lock and I only lock my car to stop my children from playing in it.

I lived in Glasgow in the 90's, and walked home in the early hours of the morning without fear. Mostly it was through the centre, but also sometimes in other areas (the Gorbals on one occasion, which was fine although I had been warned it would not be). It was all fine and very safe, until that one time when it wasn't. I was fortunate and the man did not manage to abduct me, but it could have been much worse from me. I was nearly home when it happened (on Sauchiehall Street, which I'd always thought of as safe because it was fairly well policed at night). After that I was more careful and tried to always walk home with a friend.

Now when I visit towns and cities I do the usual drill of parking in a well-lit area, being aware of my surroundings etc, but I don't think I am unduly wary. I feel like I am more at risk from people I know that from strangers.

Im much more car reliant now so am conscious of where I park my car if I’m going to return to it at night.
The main disadvantages for me were always not being able to take advantage of shortcuts. As a teen I had a friend who lived about 2 miles away and there was a ridiculously long alley which cut the journey time. I would um and arr about taking it. I remember once I ran the whole way down it in the dark!

I’ve had a bit of street / bus / train harassment. I’m not fond of unstaffed train stations at night.
But I feel completely happy in the hills / coastal path and woods (not scrappy urban woods but real ones).
I’d much rather run on the quiet coast path than chance toots and car calls by the road.

as a Londoner, I'd feel much safer strolling along - or running along - an isolated path, than I do in the area I live in now. When a place is rough, you could get dragged off quite easily and no one would notice or care. So when I eventually get out, I'll be out walking or running in the quietest places I can find.

I think some level of familiarity with the surroundings makes a big difference.

As I said upthread, I really don't not walk places because of fear of being attacked. But a few years ago I went on a trip and visited Glasgow, where I've never been before. My traveling companion and I decided to walk to a roller skating rink and ended up in a sort of warehouse area that was quite deserted. Neither of us were particularly worried but we did comment that if we ran into trouble we had more or less lost our sense of direction by the time we found our destination. I am sure running away from an attacker while taking direction from a phone GPS would be a little tricky.

To top it off, we passed a crime scene where the police were still looking for some guy who had stabbed someone else. Though we didn't know what was going on until the next day.

But we still thought about walking back the next night again, and only didn't because we were too tired.

It's interesting to see the responses, about half of the people seem to think about it, half not. It would be interesting to see if it reflects more experience, or temperament. Or maybe even something like watching more television news which I find creates significant anxiety, I avoid it for that reason. Someone upthread mentioned having some great conversations with men who initially looked questionable. I've found the same thing largely, and spending more time talking to people who outwardly appear a bit intimidating has also reduced my anxiety.

vic " I live near a large green space and woodland (on the outskirts of London)"

yes, I think this is key. If you live near London and you're basically part of the urban grim in those areas, I wouldn't run there either.

probably the same is true of any city, so I'd have to go really rural.

I tell DS and DDs not to walk along the canal route by themselves - though I do it on way to supermarket - you do meet some people on the route but less in winter and I think I do tend to use less scenic route in winter.

Having said that I've had most issues on busy streets, buses and trains or platforms - though I've also had people intevene in some cases so perhaps that makes me feel safer.

I always do and always have done. I think it was really drilled into me by my mother in particular but my father too. Avoid shortcuts, parks, alleyways etc. especially in the dark...

I suffer from anxiety anyway so think about it a fair bit but it's also based on facts in my case, I live near a large green space and woodland (on the outskirts of London) and there have been several attacks of varying levels (from rape to being followed) in those areas in recent years, the victims have always been lone women. It's hard to tell myself "nothing will happen" when it has happened to others there.

I agree that I change a lot of my behaviour because of being a woman

but interested to see how people talk about isolated paths etc

as a Londoner, I'd feel much safer strolling along - or running along - an isolated path, than I do in the area I live in now. When a place is rough, you could get dragged off quite easily and no one would notice or care. So when I eventually get out, I'll be out walking or running in the quietest places I can find.

AND I wasn’t just worried about physical attacks either, last time DD walked past weatherspoons she was told she had nice tits and other vile things so it was things like that I was hoping to avoid too.

Me and DD 15 went to the cinema last Friday night
I suggested we go and get something to eat afterwards and while we were discussing where to go I realised I was suggesting places we could park near and not have to walk through the busy town centre at 10 at night. When we got home Dh asked where we went and said “oh, why didn’t you go to x (favourite place)?” When I explained he was shocked and said it never would have occurred to him to consider where we would park safely

18Likefootball said...
'I'm a Male and I wouldn't go for a walk alone late at night."

I'm male and I wouldn't in certain areas either, but I think the main difference is that neither of us would restrict our movements because we think we might be attacked by women.

I'm always careful where I walk these days. I didn't used to be, but having been sexually assaulted (more than once) I'm now very careful. Which pisses me off that I do not have the freedom to walk where I choose without a 'chaperone'.

I think taking precautions like carrying keys between fingers or a rape alarm would be better than avoidance entireky. Personally I find walking/running with head phones really unsettling, but this is as much about missing sounds (nature/traffic/someone calling) than it is about safety from persons that might do me harm. I find it really disconcerting to cut off one of my senses, though I do quite like the feeling of being in a film!

I don't amend my route as I also live by isolated coastal paths.

But I do safety pin my running jacket to my leggings to give myself an extra minute to fight back or be discovered and have a screwdriver on my keys.

This got me thinking about the times when something DID happen.

Never out at night, alone, in secluded places etc.

No.

Mine included

1 doctor's surgery - didn't report, young, too shocked, he's dead now
2 trains, daytime with others around, didn't report, young, too shocked
1 bus stop, daytime with others around, didn't report, young, too shocked
1 optician's office - reported & dealt with.
1 ladies changing room shower - reported, fuck all was done about it.

It's always been when I was least expecting it might, never when I was worried it might.

I was in a marriage with a man who didn’t like me going out, so I didn’t bother. When I left him I started going out and walking home late at night by myself. I didn’t really give much thought to any credible risks but I had a few experiences with blokes following me, asking personal questions, asking where I lived etc and telling me they would walk me home. I changed my habits after that and always try to get a cab or have company now.

I think it has worked the other way with me. I was determined not to limit myself because of any perceived risk, but then I had some quite frightening experiences that made me think again. I am definitely not a timid person, and I don’t shrink away from things if I don’t have a reasonable expectation that I’ll be in danger, but being followed in the dark and feeling intimidated and sometimes really quite scared has made me feel more vulnerable than perhaps I thought I was.

I run on Hampstead Heath every morning, in the dark for several winter months. I would never curtail this for the tiny possibility that there is a (probably very cold) psychopath in waiting.

I've genuinely never modified my behaviour because I'm afraid of being attacked. I go out walking, running and cycling in the middle of nowhere by myself. I get late night trains and walk through the middle of cities. You've got a much higher risk of dying in a car crash than being attacked by a random stranger. But I have only ever known one person who won't go in a car.

It's media and reporting (and parents who don't let their children have sensible, incremental increases in freedom to be out by themselves, but the parents themselves are generally influenced by the media) who create this sort of attitude.

You do realise that statistically your chances of being killed while cycling along a busy road are far, far higher than your chance of being attacked while riding your bike along a designated bike track, even if it does have hedges and rocks along the side of it?

We really do need to take responsibility for our own irrationality.

Go run on the coast path.
what proportion of the population are violent psychopaths out to attack women?
What proportion of these are likely to live in your immediate local area?
How likely is it they just happen to be on that coastal path when you decide to go for a run?

I'm more nervous running in bad bits of town at night - more chance of meeting people but then I grew up in the countryside and actively avoided letting anyone seeing me run.
I run at night with both headphones in and music on - its fine
I run without my glasses on or lenses in sometimes - its fine
I run in the countryside at my parents on paths where there is no-one around - its fine
I've been known to walk 2 miles home alone at 3am after a night out (as a student - this probs wasn't so wise but nothing ever happened)

You are much more likely to be killed or harmed by someone you know.

Women need to stop limiting their lives by being afraid of shadows on coast paths. It is highly unlikely you would be unlucky enough for something awful to happen.

Go for the run on the nice path, enjoy the view and I promise you will feel 10X better for overcoming your fears and not limiting yourself.
Living in fear is oppression.

Agree. I did a bike ride last year. The route was lovely and about 10miles was on a disused railway parallel to a horribly busy road towards the end of the ride when it was dark. I commented to one of the men I was riding with that if I was alone I would ride the road instead. He looked shocked and I explained that I would not feel safe on a deserted track with high hedges and rocks either side. Whilst he agreed it was clear that it was something that had never crossed his mind.

When out in the countryside on my own I worry far more about putting my foot down a rabbit hole and breaking an ankle or tripping over a tree root and twisting my knee than I do about being attacked because those scenarios are much, much more likely than being attacked by a random man.

To the OP, why not start running that route with a female friend so that it becomes familiar and unthreatening and you feel confident about running it alone?