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Original poster

Gay dads take surrogate to court after she bans them from seeing twin baby girls

289 replies

Cwenthryth · 08/01/2020 07:56

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/gay-dads-take-surrogate-court-21231692

This popped up on my Twitter this morning, I thought it might be an interesting case to discuss here. The details are very hazy, and there are two sides to every story, but on the face of it, reading this has challenged my thoughts around surrogacy a bit - poor dads fighting for their daughters sob story, ‘the surrogate’ is painted as manipulative and dishonest. However, I really dislike how the woman is referred to as the men’s surrogate throughout the article, rather than the baby’s mother, or anything in her own right, and there is no regard for the trauma she has been through with a twin pregnancy, premature labour and very very poorly babies. She risked her life to make those girls, we are all very aware how women’s mental health can be severely affected during and after pregnancy. The article doesn’t even reference the children’s point of view/relationship with their mother, ot is all about the gay couple, their wants and their experience.

I don’t really have any conclusions at the moment but wanted to open up a discussion with other FWRers. I think perhaps the current laws are not working as well as they could, reform is probably inevitable and surrogacy isn’t going to be banned entirely any time soon, so needs to be regulated somehow.

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 08/01/2020 08:32

I just don’t think banning surrogacy is realistic

Why not?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/01/2020 08:30

If this were a straight a couple that had separated it would not be considered ok for the man to just take the newborns away from the mother- I hate the fact you throw LGBT into the mix suddenly a woman’s right diminish. She is their mother!

Keepingthingsinteresting · 08/01/2020 08:29

I’m really surprised by the vitriol of these comments. Surrogacy cannot be advertised for or paid in this country (aside from covering expenses), so the woman obviously decided it was a lovely thing to do to help this couple have kids (they could have adopted, but this is the case for lots of people who choose to have IVF etc, so no comment) & then tried to roll them. If true the behaviour of her & the boyfriend is disgusting and outrageous blackmail and all the comments about protecting mothers etc are irrelevant in the circumstances. I have to wonder whether you would all have reacted this way if the surrogate had been acting for a woman who could carry her own child...

Original poster
Cwenthryth · 08/01/2020 08:28

I just don’t think banning surrogacy is realistic, so we need a way forward somehow.

One thing I’m pondering on, is should this arrangement be any different legally, to a woman pregnant by a man other than her partner/husband (who also has his own partner as well)? In which case the base assumption would be parental responsibility between the mother and the father, unless the mother chooses to relinquish. I don’t think the mother should ever be forced to relinquish, no matter what may have been agreed prior to conception/pregnancy/birth.

OP posts:
TinselAngel · 08/01/2020 08:22

I'd like to hear the Mother's side of the story.

YourOpinionIsNoted · 08/01/2020 08:22

I have a huge amount of sympathy for any couple who can't have their own children (same sex or otherwise) but ultimately I have come to feel that surrogacy is wrong. Women as incubators for hire just cannot be justified.

TirisfalPumpkin · 08/01/2020 08:21

I’ve also come round to the ‘ban surrogacy’ view. Even in pure altruistic cases I just can’t see any way where it can be respectful of the rights of the mother and child(ren), and producing the desired legally binding contract. They seem mutually exclusive.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 08/01/2020 08:20

Also think surrogacy should be banned.

TheBeesKnee · 08/01/2020 08:19

I don't like how they skim over the details of how the twins ended up being handed over - presumably the mother signed the parental rights forms, but under what circumstances?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 08/01/2020 08:16

That carries a risk that the surrogate can assert a claim to keep the baby if she chooses to, according to NHS advice for LGBT couples.

Campaigners have claimed surrogacy laws are outdated after the Law Commission recently recommended intended parents should assume legal parenthood status as soon as the child is born.

I fucking hate surrogacy - it should be banned rather than giving the mother even less protection.

birdsdestiny · 08/01/2020 08:11

It's why surrogacy should be illegal.

NotTerfNorCis · 08/01/2020 08:07

Steven wrote: "Having our girls in NICU was only the very beginning of our long, excruciating nightmare."

That does sound very entitled.

It's complicated by the fact that one of the men is the twins' biological father, and that they gave thousands of pounds to the mother. I don't think they were entitled to take the babies, but the money should have been paid back.

FamilyOfAliens · 08/01/2020 08:06

I hate the idea of women being paid to rent out their womb. We are not incubators.

OhHolyJesus · 08/01/2020 08:03

The surrogate, along with her boyfriend, is painted badly here. I would like for payment for a service I offer too - what was agreed, was there a signed contract? There's more to this I think and there seems to be no questions about the amount considering we don't have commercial surrogacy in the U.K.