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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Do women in their 20s generally think it's the victims fault?

60 replies

Twittlebee · 06/01/2020 15:16

A conversation about how to raise our children quickly became a debate about whether women are victims of inequality and discrimination today. I think I probably swayed it that way as I mentioned how anxious I am about raising girls knowing what females are more likely to have to face through life.

But what became apparent very quickly is that my group of 10 female friends blame the victim for their issues. Is this common thinking now among those in their 20s?

For example, one friend said, in response to me discussing fears about rape and using my own rape as an example, that she would ensure she raised her daughter to be as confident and secure as she is so her daughter doesnt find herself in that situation.

Another said the pay gap has been caused by women who dont know their self worth and men deserve higher pay because they're better workers. She also said she doesnt believe there really is a pay gap anyway.

There was an overall consensus that the pay gap is a myth and that women and men are equally as likely to commit sexual crimes and be victims of them.

Overall there was a lot of victim blaming. Including at how I mentioned being fired when I was pregnant was my own fault for not standing up for myself (not sure how I was meant to?)

Anyway, I was rather taken back and now thinking I've been living in a bit of an echo chamber as I havent openly discussed these views and concerns outside MN before. Is this the norm?

Do 10/11 women in their 20s really think that women's issues are caused by the individual woman? And are they right? Was I raped because my mum didnt raise me to know how to avoid that situation as a friend implied? Are men really just harder workers?

OP posts:
Donttalkbeforecoffee · 06/01/2020 15:44

Exactly what @ohwheniknow said.

X was wearing a short skirt/got drunk so it's her fault = I don't so it won't happen to me

X doesn't talk up in appraisals/doesn't ask for further training = I do so it won't happen to me

X wasn't confident enough so her husband abused her = I'm confident so it won't happen to me

ohwheniknow · 06/01/2020 15:42

For example, one friend said, in response to me discussing fears about rape and using my own rape as an example, that she would ensure she raised her daughter to be as confident and secure as she is so her daughter doesnt find herself in that situation

Utter, utter bullshit. But believing that makes her feel safer - "it will never happen to us because "

purplefig · 06/01/2020 15:42

I'm 28 and certainly don't feel like this.

Not sure if I'm representative. I remember my mindset shifting quite a lot after researching and writing a dissertation on rape culture.

Goosefoot · 06/01/2020 15:41

I would say that women overall have quite a variety of views about the questions you seem to have been discussing. I can't say that I know many that would say that being raped is the fault of the woman, much less that being confident would prevent is. But I know many who would say that they think there are things that create more risk. Views on the pay gap IME are about as varied among women as they are among men.

redsquirrl · 06/01/2020 15:37

ShockThey all need to read Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez.

Twittlebee · 06/01/2020 15:35

What about the pay gap @iswhois ?

OP posts:
iswhois · 06/01/2020 15:35

I'm 26 and think that the only one at fault in a rape scenario is the rapist

Drunk, alone, scantily clad it makes no difference.

Twittlebee · 06/01/2020 15:33

Maybe we should look at that as a bit of a win @Imnobody4 that my generation is taking longer to grow as it might mean they're experiencing it less than previous generations? However, does make me fear that without the recognition for the need of change it will any progress will unravel

Yes, see that's how it's made me feel @Aroundtheworldin80moves ! That I should have been raised strong enough to not be effected by sleeping pills that were used on me

OP posts:
Imnobody4 · 06/01/2020 15:28

Ahh the delusions of youth. If I'm strong and confident nothing can go wrong. Think positive and you're invincible. The myth of a just universe.
What confuses me is how much longer it seems to take this generation to grow up.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 06/01/2020 15:22

I've heard of blaming rape victims for drinking, going out alone, the clothes they wear, being sexually active etc... But never blaming it on their mother.
I was brought up to be independent, be aware of my surroundings and to follow my interests. I was attacked, in the street by a stranger on the way home from music practice at the age of 19. Maybe I should have been brought up to stay at home instead.

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