Can men really grasp women’s reality re safety?

I don't think it's fundamentally and difference between men and women. Some people are empathetic and others are not.

I think it’s difficult for men to truly get it. I’ve told my dh some stuff and his eyes were as wide as saucers as it doesn’t affect him and these things never touched his radar. I think a lot of men are brought up and given signals in society that females are inferior. It’s ingrained, learnt bias, which they wouldn’t even question because it’s so insidious. Then when they’re challenged on it, these all so compassionate men go NAMALT and get upset and defensive rather than actually listen. It’s the same with any marginalised group. The stronger section gets outraged and presume they know better than the affected group.

I read this a while ago and it fairly accurately sums up how I feel.

“ I keep moving. I am always moving. I take the stairs, not the lift, never stand on the escalators if on my own, but walk up them instead. I don’t pause to look in shop windows, or watch buskers or the cup-and-ball conmen; I walk on, quickly, with purpose – because I like to get where I am going, yes, but also because I know it’s harder to hit a moving target. If you dart past the rest of the world, allow yourself to be a blur, you’re less likely to be noticed, to attract their attention, get them to question whether there’s something different about you that they either desire, fear, or feel powerful enough to exploit. Experience has taught me perpetual motion is my greatest protection.”

Many men who are BAME and/or gay most certainly don’t feel safe when out an about. But it doesn’t mean a man knows how a woman feels, just as a woman doesn’t know how a man feels. They’re both unsafe, but largely for different reasons.

I don’t think I have ever met anyone who wouldn’t be scared by someone punching holes in walls or smashing chairs. Surely only another violent person would find that sort of behaviour normal?

You do not have a compassionate son

My DP always reverts back to ‘men can be in DV relationship too’ and ‘women can be violent to women’s too’ he doesn’t seam to grasp that a much higher percentage of women feel threatened by men.

Men 'get' this. But very few of them give a fuck, because women being frightened suits them just fine.