When someone shows you who they are

If you want to give him a last chance...

Show him the Sexual Offences Act 2003 Section 1 Part 1 and tell him that you do not consent to anal sex ever..

I agree with this advice. He might not currently realise the seriousness of what he’s done and he’s not, yet, able to see it from your point of view.

Overall though I’d say it depends on whether the trust is there or if it’s gone. Do you trust him? Once the trust has gone it's impossible to stay with someone (in my experience).

Offer to buy a strap on and see what he says. He’s got the g spot up there, not you.

I’m not sure if I’m joking. I do find it hypocritical how many men think a woman’s ass is fine but not their own.

My ex did this. A few times. He knew I never wanted to but he had quite a few "accidents" and often just started "in case I'd changed my mind".
It got to the stage I was afraid and unwilling to have sex at all because it made me so tense.
So then he started forcing me to have sex when I didn't want to.

Rape. That's the name for it.
I left him.

Be careful. Look after yourself. Watch how he reacts to your no, or your tears if he ignores you. Be aware that if this continues you could be left with very serious injuries.

The fact is he hurt you. It’s nothing to do with porn.

My dh can be an asshole sometimes in other aspects but he always never pushes me to do something sexually ever. I told him once we’d never do anal. In ten years he has never tried.

To do something physically to my body that I didn’t want - there would be no going back from that from me.

If you want to give him a last chance...

Show him the Sexual Offences Act 2003 Section 1 Part 1 and tell him that you do not consent to anal sex ever and that if he tries it on again, that makes him a rapist. Write your refusal down and sign and date it if you like, to show you really mean it.

if he gives you earache about it, leave. If he ever tries it again, leave.

Tell him you will give up having anal sex.

Instead men prided themselves on how expertly they performed cunnilingus.

young women consent to rough anal penetration.

young women put up with rough anal penetration for fear of being dumped.

FTFY. This "consent" is manufactured.

Use the words 'sexual abuse' and then prepare for an eruption of rage and denial.
Naming the behavior is essential to being able to discuss it.

He's lying.
This would really piss me off.
You deserve better.

If you say no - that’s your boundary - that’s your right - it’s your body -he’s crossed the line. Not acceptable

He knows you don't want anal but he tried his luck twice. A decent, respectful man wouldn't do that. Think about it. Would you or I pressurise a partner into an act they disliked? The answer tells you: he's being abusive. I'd tell him if he tried it again he could fuck right off.

The easy free availability of what would previously been considered extreme porn is having very damaging effects on what men expect from their partners.

I remembered an article in the British Medical Journal I saw here some time ago about the major health implications of heterosex anal sex. I searched "bmj anal sex women" and got several results. Here's one,: bmjopen.bmj.com/content/4/8/e004996.short?g=w_open_current_tab

Doctors report their great concern at the serious anal and rectal injuries that have been becoming more common as young women consent to rough anal penetration. Their partners have learnt from porn that brutal anal sex is something they expect during sex.

Check out the medical articles if you want some information to scare your loutish partner. Tell him anal sex can cause permanent injuries, and that he's a moron for using porn as a pattern for love making with his real life partner.

Gay men get pleasure from anal sex because it stimulates the prostate gland internally. But as women don't have a prostate there's not the same erotic payoff. Some women enjoy it but nowhere as many as some men would like.

I was young in the 70s and 80s. I was very sexually adventurous and had many partners. Anal sex just didn't feature, at all, back then. Instead men prided themselves on how expertly they performed cunnilingus.

All we need now is a time machine. Oh, and happy New Year!

(Sorry this is so long and rambling. Typing while watching the fireworks).

Your partner has tried to rape you. Yes, that is the word for it. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 is quite clear. Had your partner succeeded in his attempt, he would have:
a) penetrated your anus with his penis
b) when you didn't consent
c) and he did not reasonably believe that you consented (because you told him no in the past)

He then gaslit you.

In a similar situation, I went into denial and tried to minimise it. I'm recommending that you don't repeat my mistake and instead LTB.

He didn’t care if you didn’t want it. He just wanted that feeling of it.

Big decisions for you right now. What would you say to one of your kids who’s partner did this?

I doubt that was really an accident.

I guess what I'd ask myself is what he's like otherwise. Is the problem mostly confined to this area or does it reflect his attitude and behaviour more generally?

If it's generally reflective I think that's just an abusive or exploitative person. Maybe not all the time in all areas, because most people are mixed, but I'd see it as a serious problem. I'm not sure how often people change themselves that completely - very rarely I think.
If it seems more contained to this particular sexual stuff, and especially if it's newer in the relationship, I'd wonder if it wasn't a problem that's developed in relation to a kind of porn obsession/addiction. It might be possible to deal with that but it could take some pretty honest discussion and probably therapy. Including cutting out the porn. The initial difficulty like with all addictive behaviours is to get the person to see that it is affecting them at all.

Yeah there’s a line and he has crossed it. Agree it’s abusive. A normal person would accept that their partner doesn’t want to do that and wouldn’t even try. Personally I’d get rid but I can understand if you don’t want to. I just find it so gross that men think they’re entitled to something that their partner hates just because they watch some videos of women being abused. Fuck that.

he said the first time was an accident and he only tried once.

Lying as well. It was deliberate.

So sorry

Slipping off target can be an accident. Somehow "slipping off" to unerring land up right on target for the wrong orifice, one which his partner had specifically and consistently maintained they didn't consent to? That's abusive. I'm sorry.