Forced to share a room with a TW

I had a very similar scenario. I host young foreign language students in our home. I strictly only host girls for various reasons. Collected one pair and it was a girl and a boy with eye shadow on. They were sharing a room and under 16 so put me in breach of regulations and dh furious our no boys rule for our home ignored. Our girls quite little and put their foot in it frequently “but he’s a boy mummy”. It was a long week.

I would tell the organiser I was not happy to share with a man FFS.

You get changed in the bog and then leave the room so he can let his junk hang out? Where is your mind at?

@pegsworth nobody at all has the right to force someone in to a situation that they fel greatly uncomfortable in, no transwoman, no straight woman, no man, no transman and you really need to reassess you 'acceptance at all and any cost' stance you have adopted.

You might also be called insensitive if you make a big fuss about it, so it's difficult either way.

I dunno. Something about this breathless kind of OP reminds me of that white dude who moved to Atlanta, and posted on Twitter asking for advice on dealing with Black people.

They are just people, you know? Not a different species.

To me the real question is... why spend so much time around someone you don’t even like?

Please be aware that even if this thread is genuine it will still be a great hunting ground for ‘Mumsnet is full of terfs’ screen shots.

I’m as GC as they come but I have to say that sharing a room with a TW wouldn’t bother me that much. If it was sharing a room with anyone I didn’t know then I would be getting changed in the bathroom anyway.
I wouldn’t be doing any hobby that involved me sharing a room with random people though to be fair.

I suppose my respect for the trans woman's right to self identify trumps that for the bio woman's right to say no.

Well. At least that's honest.

Thank you to the posters who pointed out that the TW has only met the OP, not the other females who will be sharing. I must have missed that in my vodka and lemonade haze

Forgot to say Hi to Floral as I pass through

I've read feminist threads here where people are incandescent with rage that M&S now offers unisex changing rooms.

Have you seen all the lovely reviews men are leaving on M+S’ website about how well the ladies knickers contain their junk? So womens underwear is now being designed for men? They’re also wanking off in them, in womens cubicles and putting them back on the racks for unsuspecting women to buy. (not envy). My 9 year old will be needing bras in the next year or 2. Do I want her being measured next to someone getting off on it? Why shouldn’t she have privacy? (They’re posting this stuff on public sites FFS so don’t deny this is happening. A huge proportion of “TW” are men with fetishes. Wake up.)

By the way, TW violent offences are in line with men, not women. Surprising, not.

A challenge to the 'male gaze' point - what about lesbians? Are we uncomfortable that they might look inappropriately at bio women too?

I’m glad you brought up lesbians. What’s the definition of lesbian? A women who is sexually attracted to women. But they are now being told they must accept that people with dicks can be lesbians. The meaning of lesbian is being eradicated by TW at present. How is that okay? Are gay men being told they must accept someone with a vagina? No.

Google Jessica/Jonathan Yaniv and get back to me on that whole “TW are the victims” bollocks.

Some new posters and some I haven't seen in a loooong time.

And it's the weekend. What a coincidence.

Re the shock of reading on FWR

I don’t want to name the person but someone on Twitter, professional contact with “feminist” in her bio, has been saying similar things today.

She has a thing about mentoring women in business as well. But has actually tweeted objecting about biology today.

This isn't a random man pretending to be a woman to take advantage of other women. OP knows her and knows that she genuinely considers herself a woman. She is there as a genuine and establisehd member of a hobby group.

This appears to be a hostel dorm room, many of which are mixed-sex already. Most dorms I've stayed in have been mixed. So in this specific circumstance I think a mountain is being made out of a molehill

@thenightsky

I read it as the group that are expected to share the room. Only the OP already knows the person, the other two women have yet to meet either her or the trans woman.

TheNightSky - the other people do the same hobby and have booked to go to the event together, but haven't actually met the TW (and OP?) yet.

I am confused by your post where you say nobody else in the group is aware that this person is a TW, yet you go on to say they don't 'pass' at all.

I assume it has only been confirmed to the OP. And/or that as it is a mix of groups she may have been the only one who has met the TW in person.

I think if you are happy to share a room with four strangers then a TW is unlikely to phase you.

Well you’d be wrong. I have been receiving treatment for breast cancer this last couple of months. I am absolutely at ease being undressed around female medical professionals. I am so disturbed at being so vulnerable around men that at one point an admin error led to me deciding to wait 6 weks till a female consultant was available.
Don’t be so disingenuous as to pretend you don’t understand the difference between men and women.

You're in a difficult position OP. I too take part in a mostly male orientated hobby and one of our larger group is a TW (I wonder if its the same hobby). We tend not to share rooms at all though, but the TW in our group always comes into the ladies loos and I have no issue really as I've always known her as 'her' IYSWIM.

I am confused by your post where you say nobody else in the group is aware that this person is a TW, yet you go on to say they don't 'pass' at all.

i would tell them, carefully. I do not like sharing rooms with people anyhow, especially those i am not close too.
If i found out i was going to be sharing my room with a m 2 f trans i would not be amused if i wasnt told. He gets the choice to share a room, so i would appreciate the same amount of choice.

I suppose my respect for the trans woman's right to self identify trumps that for the bio woman's right to say no

It's rare to see someone admit it, so thank you for that pegsworth.
Where do you stand on a trans individual's right to have their scrotum waxed by a female beautician who would rather say no?

Replace the word TW with man and you will realize that you are using men’s rights talking points! Women are allowed to have boundaries such as “female roommates only”. Even if some of us are OK with male roommates.

Unlike OP these other women do not know TW. When they show up, they will observe that this person - who does not pass at all - is male. They do not know this person any more than any other stranger, So they may be reticent to share private space with a stranger male. This is their right.

@pegsworth
charley50 may I know the source of that stat? I'd like to learn more about that research.

I asked you where the source for your statement was. 'the likelihood of a trans woman attacking you is no higher than that of a bio woman attacking you.
I'm still waiting for your answer.

I have no fear regarding men wanting to be trans. I have an absolute belief that women should not be forced to accept situations where they may be more exposed to assault. All for the sake of being PC. When the number of rapes worldwide is reduced to zero, then I might reconsider this.

.

What @pegsworth said. Sounds like playground bullying to me. What makes you think the TW wants to perv over you? You shared a room with her before didn't you? If I was her I wouldn't want to bd your friend. I think you should make a fuss over it so this person can find a new bunch of friends who might respect her as a person.