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Original poster

Forced to share a room with a TW

261 replies

ILoveJKR · 20/12/2019 20:24

I am in a quandary and cannot talk about this in real life so I hope some of you can understand. Some background information for explanation.
I have a hobby which is mostly male orientated but which a lot of women indulge in too. The hobby has several different ways of enjoying it, think cycling where you can compete, or go for days out, or challenge yourself, visit museums or exhibitions devoted to this hobby, etc. I also belong to several clubs for this hobby.
I met a TW who happens to like the same part of the hobby as I enjoy, so we are often together indulging our shared interest. I care for TW in the same way as I would care for any human being, but I cannot really say the TW is a friend. We have no shared experiences, TW is a bit awkward and over-sensitive socially and looks and mostly behaves like a man but because we are together so often everyone assumes that we are besties.
I have twice shared accommodation with TW on hobby trips (my choice) but I always get changed in the loo and leave the room when TW gets changed. I'm accepting that people can live however they like but males should not be in female spaces.
So, onto my dilemma. One of my clubs has organised an overnight trip to a competition with 5 men and 3 women and TW. The man organising the trip does not know TW is a TW and the two other women do not know TW is a TW. Their only contact to date is via a watsapp group and TW uses a feminine name.
I know that it will be assumed that I invited TW on the trip. But the person joined my club and booked without ever discussing it with me. Free country and all that, I cannot control who joins what club and who books on what trip, but the organiser has put us 3 women and TW in one room (cheap hostel accommodation). And I know that there will be awkwardness for the other two women when they find out they are sharing with an XY person. And I know it will come back on me because everyone assumes TW is my 'friend'.
This is a real-life example for me that we cannot allow this fiction to continue. Men cannot become women and women should not be forced to share their spaces.

OP posts:
StillWeRise · 20/12/2019 20:46

tricky
what would happen if you said to the TW
look, you've been booked into the same room as me and 2 other women. Please don't be offended but I think it's only fair you let the other women know as they may be upset/shocked if they find out at the last minute.

Original poster
ILoveJKR · 20/12/2019 20:42

I think you are right. I really need to let them know. I only know the other two women by sight. I have no idea what their opinions are. I know one is very religious.

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 20/12/2019 20:38

But you must tell them, individually and by phone call. Don’t write anything down.

And don’t let anyone make assumptions, be clear you aren’t friends and you didn’t invite them.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 20/12/2019 20:36

Cross-post. You’re doing the right thing & at least this way they’ll know it’s not your fault.

Original poster
ILoveJKR · 20/12/2019 20:36

Thank you for the replies. I knew you would understand

OP posts:
JasonPollack · 20/12/2019 20:36

Cool story bro

EmpressLesbianInChair · 20/12/2019 20:35

Yes, you’ve got to warn them.

Original poster
ILoveJKR · 20/12/2019 20:35

I just feel so angry that I have been put in this position. I was also really looking forward to getting to know and make friends with the other women. They will blame me for the situation and TW will try to monopolise me.
I will warn the other women but it's really worrying and upsetting me.

OP posts:
aggitatedstate · 20/12/2019 20:34

You need to tell them.

TheClausSeason · 20/12/2019 20:32

I'd not say anything, personally. I doubt it'll come back on you in any way.

VivaLeBeaver · 20/12/2019 20:29

Do you know what the hostel policy is because I believe YHA are very much of the trans women are women mind. So sadly the other women will have to suck it up. You could pre warn them I guess so they can choose to find alternative accommodation?