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Original poster

Struggling with ds (6)

32 replies

CookingProblem · 02/12/2019 09:16

Can anyone give me some advice on how to bring up my DS as a feminist? It's really hard when I explain something to him but he goes to school and his friends tell him another. We live in a village where it is very closed minded. Someone coming out gay is a big deal and casual racism is just the norm. (just to give you an idea of the place) He is in year 2 now and I'm finding it harder to stop him being influenced at school. Sorry I'm not explaining this very well. I also have an 8 year old dd who seems to just 'get it'.

OP posts:
stillathing · 02/12/2019 09:59

I meant to add I think to redress societal attitudes around power imbalances one sometimes needs to be more proactive than just being fair oneself. I'm on it with sexism and homophobia. I'd love to hear suggestions for being more proactive against racism?

stillathing · 02/12/2019 09:55

I highly recommend switching the sex of characters in story books, when you can get away with it. And of course read him books with female protagonists. Also gently point out and question whenever you see sexism (and racism and homophobia!) either in your community or in the books, games and films you consume. For example, my kid adores Beano, and I like it too. But we chat about how curious it is that the Bash Street Kids has just one girl, when we know that women /girls make up half the population. We wonder what the reasons both historical and current might be. Then typically I will later find he's "solved" the problem himself by writing his own comic strip with 50 % girls in.

It really can be done. You will end up sounding like "that parent" - I'm a bit alone in this amongst parents at school - but it is worth it.

missyB1 · 02/12/2019 09:47

Just bring him up the same as you do your dd. Your family values stay the same whether your kids are girls or boys. Embedding the family values will help counter peer pressure/ opinions.

Mishappening · 02/12/2019 09:44

Well - you can't. He will be what he will be.

You and your OH can however model behaviour that reflects respect for women - indeed respect for everyone.

It is not just about who does the washing up.

Don't be trying to put a label on him just yet!

OhHolyJesus · 02/12/2019 09:40

Does DS have a mix of male/female teachers? Is it others kids who you are worried are influencing him?

There are some great feminist books for kids which you could try reading to both kids together. I'll look them up, Books for Rebel Girls or something - there is a thread on here you could look up.

I recommend Hidden Figures as a good film for kids even though it is made for adults (no sex scenes and it's about launching a rocket so) but he might not be old enough for that yet.

Original poster
CookingProblem · 02/12/2019 09:28

Annoyingly, I work part time and DH works full time so I do more house stuff than him. I will also be going on maternity leave soon. I didn't change my name when we got married and the DC have double barrelled names but then I'll have people tell me (in front of ds) that I'm weird for doing that. It's so frustrating! I just feel like I cant win. Luckily dd seems to understand and thinks for herself.

Obviously I'm not trying to say you're not a feminist if you change your name after marriage but just using that as an example.

OP posts:
OhHolyJesus · 02/12/2019 09:20

Do you work OP or share household chores with a partner? No judgement but I think it helps to break down the age-old stereotypes from a young age.