Blaming women for men's suicide

SpamChaudFroid

Maybe people were avoiding you because they didn't know what to say.

Apart from the awful hurt to the accused ex and their children, that headline encourages the idea that people can use suicide as a means of getting back at someone, which runs the risk of copycat suicides. That is against all media guidelines

utter bitch

spiteful bitch

On a thread about a woman who has lost her husband to suicide on a feminist board. JFC.

I remember that thread sagrada.

My husband took his own life and I was blamed. Nobody said so (except my own mother, but that's another story) but you can feel it when people start avoiding you. You know everybody's thinking "So what did she do to drive him to it". Headlines like the one in OP perpetuate this way of thinking.

If the mother of your children doesn't want you to see her kids, it means you should be nicer or more thoughtful and not so selfish

Because no woman has ever been a spiteful bitch? All women are lovely little flowers and would never not allow a father access to spite him would she? Also they aren’t HER children, they are their children.

In terms of what the OP posted about, of course the headline shouldn’t of been used but that’s what papers do isn’t it man kills himself is hardly an interesting headline.

He was obviously suffering with mental health in order to take his own life and it is sad. Being denied access to his dc probably didn’t help but lack of mental health services won’t of helped either.

It’s sad anyone gets to stage they think killing them self is the only option they have

If the mother of your children doesn't want you to see her kids, it means you should be nicer or more thoughtful and not so selfish.

This is just an appalling thing to say, as if no woman was ever an utter bitch, as if all men were always responsible.

Being a parent is not about you, it is about the child/ren. I used to fantasise about killing myself but as soon as I became a mother that was no longer an option. We have to teach our children resilience and that is not the way to go about it.

I'll not condemn the man because I presume it was a temporary madness, but the children are the victims here.

To the people in this thread who know the man who took his own life (or similar cases) I am sorry for your loss. I hope that you are able to attend suicide bereavement counseling.

Certainly his children should be, and there they will learn that the reason their father took his life was because he had a sickness in his mind called depression which led him to choose to take his own life. They will also learn that was his choice and no one else’s to make that choice. They will learn that the only effective means to reduce suicide completion are societal, not individual. That no matter whether you are kind or rude or accommodating or unreasonable towards a person they may still take their own life and that is solely their choice.

The alternative is that his children are taught that they in the future may be responsible for someone else taking their own life, or that they might think they could have stopped his suicide. Which would be an abomination. This article is deeply irresponsible to the mental health of these children.

There was a thread a couple of weeks ago where someone said if women were nicer to men, male suicide rates would drop. Astounding. The couple of posters who protested were called 'callous' and without empathy.

Also, not to comment on this particular article/case, but generally speaking, I SO wish men would stop being infantilised when it comes to their roles as fathers. If they are 'stopped' from 'seeing their kids', then there are things they can do. If more friends and family directed them to legal, practical advice instead of agreeing with them that women are bitter, bad mums etc, then more men might get off their backsides and Facebook accounts and take on some parenting. Or maybe not.

Don't be ridiculous.
If the mother of your children doesn't want you to see her kids, it means you should be nicer or more thoughtful and not so selfish.

What BS. They are not her kids they are their kids. The mother doesn't/shouldn't have sole say in these things - its about the children not about the woman. How bitter and twisted must any woman be to use her children as weapons.

Sometimes it is the case though - my friends suicide note was proof of that

But if you read the article, the headline is the opinion of his girlfriend at the time - not a confirmed fact, he committed suicide in March, two and a half months after his ex presumably said no to access - the reasons for which may be perfectly valid - and he had a longstanding history of poor mental health. So in this case, the headline stands out for being misleading to the point of significant harm to his ex and their children.

I think it’s disgraceful.

@PlanDeRaccordement, the statistics will show similar methods of suicide methods... because those are the ones which tend to work. We don't record suicide attempts because these aren't reported often.
Women attempt suicide more often but using other methods which take longer and give them more time to change their mind i.e. overdoses. Males are statistically much more likely to be successful in a suicide attempt due to the methods they tend to choose. I learned this from a suicide prevention training course.

No one should be blamed for someone else's suicide because by definition it is killing oneself. You can make someone feel very low and they can be very unwell already, but even if you put the pills in their hand, you are not the one swallowing them.

I don’t know if the news is being irresponsible or not. Depends upon the facts of this case. It does happen that a person drives another person to suicide. Was not a woman recently convicted of doing this by constantly texting her boyfriend and harassing him telling him to kill himself?
If the news is reporting anything other than what the inquest concluded, yes it is irresponsible. The news is often sensationalist and most people I know take what the news with skepticism and look up facts on their own.

Here is full chart.

Tile floors,
That’s not what the statistics say. The method of suicide is not much different between the sexes.

“As in previous years, the most common method of suicide in the UK for both males and females was hanging, suffocation or strangulation (all grouped together). In 2018, this accounted for 59.4% of all suicides among males (2,912 deaths) and 45.0% of all suicides among females (722 deaths; see Figure 9).

The second most common method of suicide was poisoning, accounting for 17.9% of all suicides among males (877 deaths) and 36.2% of all suicides among females (580 deaths).”
See: www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2018registrations

Men complete suicide more than women because they choose more violent methods. Women attempt suicide more than men.

My ex threatened to kill himself if I didn’t get back together with him. He had serious mental health issues and it felt like a very real threat. (He didn’t and is fortunately doing okay now from what I know.)

In his mind it absolutely was my fault that he was suicidal, because I left. He really believed it. He was, obviously, not thinking straight. He was also abusive which didn’t help. Many of his friends thought I was very, very cruel for not getting back together with him, when he was obviously struggling so hard.

I very nearly went back to him because of this. Even though he had threatened to kill me as well as himself. I am very glad for the person who told me all those years ago that it wasn’t up to me whether or not he killed himself, it was up to him.

I don't know about this specific case but I know of two young men who have killed themselves after their girlfriend's dumped them, in one case I knew the girl well and it was a standard teen breakup, he just took it badly, but the other case the ex was using the kids as weapons to get at him, demanding money, refusing access, really playing games ... it happens not all women are saints. Of course ultimately it's mental health issues that should be blamed but we can't be naive, it's possible to aggravate a situation, and men are more likely to commit suicide than women, that's simply the case.

@Qcng she was toxic towards him because he didn't want to be with her. People are allowed to leave a relationship.

Don't get me wrong, he had his flaws and I agree it's a selfish act, but being a mother doesn't give you the right to play god with your children's lives.

She would go a few months letting him see them, then he'd get a new girlfriend and she'd cut contact, or she'd hear a rumour and she'd cut contact.
Him 'being nicer' wouldn't have changed things.

My point was that you don't actually know what went on between any of these people, whatever you know is third-hand gossip via your friend, and there's a lot of room for misrepresentation and confusion there. Anyway, I don't want to argue with you, but I commend you to your own suggestion - have some bloody decency.

Don't be ridiculous.
If the mother of your children doesn't want you to see her kids, it means you should be nicer or more thoughtful and not so selfish.
You don't commit the most selfish and cruel act of all time by killing yourself to spite her and emotionally wreck your children for the rest of their lives.
By killing himself, I can see why she wanted to keep him away. He must have been a truly messed up person.

Kantastic there was no info in my post other than to say the article is accurate and there was no speculation or gossip.

And complete strangers who don't know a thing about the history

I may not have the insider-knowledge status that being a friend of a "mutual friend" of the couple implies, but that article is still extraordinarily irresponsible.

And forgive me but your gossiping-neighbour intervention only heightens the case that the article is irresponsible.

@LongLiveThePenis thank you. Don't get me wrong, he was incredibly let down by health services too.

But without all the will in the world, once you've made your decision, I don't think the Samaritans can really help.

@Kantastic she stopped him from seeing his children because he didn't want to be with her.

Her dad was his boss. He worked with her brother. His work life was made hell. They'd sit there talking about how they'd done all these fun things with his children but he wasn't even allowed to talk to them on the phone.

So I think it's fair to say she was a big contributing factor. They agreed this at his inquest, too.

@GiveHerHellFromUs sorry about upir friends death.
The only way for someone to kill someone else is murder or manslaughter. You cannot make another person kill themselves, particularly in this day and age when there's helplines open 24 hours per day that you can ring for support at any time.
@PermenantTemporary I'm sorry, I hope you realise that you weren't in control of what happened and aren't to blame.