'You look like a girl'

Ds 2 (12 and in year 8) gets the same thing. Plus hes been called a "transgender bitch" on occasion. It annoys him but he doesn't let anyone see that and it has started to lessen.

A few years ago his step-mum told him his trousers (skinny fit boys ones) were gay

It’s up to him re the jeans and the hair, ie I wouldn’t make him wear the jeans.

But yep to you look like a boy for a girl being the same type of insult.

I’ve noticed lots of footballers have long hair, tied back in a man bun, also builders, they are incredibly masculine & muscular with strong jaw lines etc, long hair shouldn’t be seen as girly. The other boys are probably just jealous that their parents won’t let them grow their hair.

My nearly grown up DD remains mortified that she “looked like a boy” when younger because of short hair. I think this is different from the runs/throws like a girl type comments, which definitely are putting girls down.

You could possibly argue that it’s more shameful for a boy to look like a girl than a girl to look like a boy, though I think it’s not clear cut.

Get his hair cut. The trans lobby will be telling him he's a girl next and sowing confusion in him

Whilst this is absolutely my fear, every single story about trans kids that has been covered in the press contains instances of the parents rejecting their child for wanting long hair/ dresses/ dolls/ sparkles /being same sex attracted. Relatives have suggested forcing a haircut but I don't want my son to feel shame for wanting the "wrong" things. Surely that leaves him more vulnerable for when inevitably during secondary school he's told his body is wrong?

My theory is that by allowing my sons non conformity I am letting him know that I accept any of his "feminine" presentation and choices and would accept him should he be gay. Also neither of his parents are particularly conforming, plus he's a creative child and it's just hair and clothes which really are not what makes a person!

I hear you jelly. DS 1's experience has gone from "those are girls shoes" a few years ago, to "are you a girl now?" this year.

OP my son experiences this a lot too. After a wobbly patch he's quite confident in his choices right now. He doesn't always bother correcting people so I don't think he sees girl as an insult. His best friend is a girl which might help.

The wobbly patch was really hard though. Some of the kids at his school hold deeply conservative views about how boys and girls should behave and look. What's nice is that as DS's confidence has restored he seems to be using his own experience to be more outward looking and is currently on a bit of a campaign about stereotyping and sexism in his school.

A few years ago I tried to find children from what I thought would be more liberal backgrounds for my son to mix with outside of school, thinking they would be more tolerant. Sadly I found these kids were just as likely to police my son's fashion choices as his school friends.

My conclusion is that sexism and a rejection of non conformity (is this latent homophobia?) is rife amongst most children.

And it's not sexism. It's just seen as an insult because he ISN'T a girl. A girl being told she looked like a boy would also be taken as an insult!

Get his hair cut. The trans lobby will be telling him he's a girl next and sowing confusion in him.

Both of my sons have been in the same situation, with long hair between about 6 and 9yo. Both were teased. Ds1 is extraordinarily resilient and shrugged it off , so the teasers soon gave up. Ds2 is more easily upset, so the school addressed it as part of their anti-bullying practice, emphasising accepting differences.

10 years ago ds1 was being teased for being 'girlie'.

3 years ago ds2 was being asked whether he thought he was a girl.

Children can be very cruel and mock anything that's not the norm. I'd say the whole being a 'girl' or 'boy' thing (we all know what I mean here) won't help as it's just reinforcing stereotypes, meaning that calling some a 'girl' is an insult. Certainly my male friends have nearly all got long hair, and being into metal cannot in any way be considered girly! I think as they age, children get a bit more accepting (based purely on my childhood, no kids myself), but they aren't always like that, plus if they know it bothers you, they continue. Lack of empathy I think.

I had short hair as a child, it did used to bother me when adults thought I was a boy, not because I thought there was anything wrong with boys, I think it was more that I was disappointed they were getting things wrong. I was sad when Father Christmas visited our primary school and gave me the "boy" gift as I thought he should definitely have known better.
I think playground insults can be about anything that marks you out as a bit different - my long-haired son used to get that too, with the female version of his name. This was a small village primary and all the other boys had short hair. He just shrugged it off. He is now in secondary and there are lots more long haired boys so it's no big deal any more.

Pink/blue culture is at it's peak in primary school. It gets a lot better at secondary though.
Saying you look like a girl to a boy is as insulting as saying you look like a boy to a girl. In my experience in a couple of years gender non-conforming kids start getting asked if they are gay or trans. I haven't heard this myself but I've read it in group chats that some parents clearly don't monitor.
You are not wrong to stick up for your son and the kids who tease him need educating. I'd be surprised if they hadn't see women with short hair or men with long hair (say Chris Hemsworth as Thor)