ROGD Parent Support

The trans train and teenage girls.

Swedish documtary with English subtitles.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DoDV-ZL6-Gu0&ved=2ahUKEwiYxvno9eTmAhUSHMAKHbZ-ALkQFjAAegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw3Qg7eMxEXp88MQLxlWOO2E" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DoDV-ZL6-Gu0&ved=2ahUKEwiYxvno9eTmAhUSHMAKHbZ-ALkQFjAAegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw3Qg7eMxEXp88MQLxlWOO2E

DuMondeB have you seen the Swedish detransition documentary?

The videos are up but the sound quality is bad. Perhaps when the kids go back to school I will write something about the event from a ROGD parent perspective?
I’ve posted little bits here and there but possibly on thread that have been deleted/sunk without attention.

It was incredibly moving. I am full of admiration for the young women who spoke (and the HCPs on the first panel, who are speaking out at enormous career risk).

"The detransitioners event was particularly eye opening. 7 young women (plus Charlie, hosting) who have been badly let down by the current system, both in the UK and elsewhere in Europe."

Have you or others written about tgis anywhere? Will there be another event. I think politicians and members of NHS services for gender should all be sent to these events or asked to watch footage of them. So they know what is going on.

Thanks! Littlest is doing remarkably well - luckily we are practically on the doorstep of a world class children’s hospital with an expert on her rare condition on permanent staff. We’ve seen the NHS at its very best...

Which makes the situation with DsD even weirder! We are used to trusting health care professionals and support groups - yet we clearly cannot in this climate.

The detransitioners event was particularly eye opening. 7 young women (plus Charlie, hosting) who have been badly let down by the current system, both in the UK and elsewhere in Europe.

I have been told that there are still some quietly critical staff at Tavistock and Portman (although those who were open about their croquet have moved on) and if you get one of those they will happily explore all issues via talking therapy. However, some staff are full on TRAs, so it’s pot luck as to who you get.

We’re just avoiding all doctors and all LGBT groups at present. It’s bloody everywhere though, DsD managed to get a pride flag at comic con :/

DuMondeB I am sorry for your younger child's medical issues. This must all be incredibly stressful.

DuMondeB

Happy new year to you and everyone here.

"The attention seeking behaviour seems to have been suppressed at home and instead been expressed in school (DsD didn’t ‘come out’ personally, instead a teacher emailed the news along with a link to the local LGBT support group)."

I'd be very wary of support groups, depends if it is on line, in person or for the kids only. I know someone whose child had a very negative experience of someone they met through a support group. I know you cannot be wary of every one! I did encourage my young person to go to one, they went once and were not interested. I'd not recommend stopping kids mixing with others in safe environments but I would be wary. Especially about one to one with people they don't know. It's just common sense. Having things in common may build a false sense of security! Like you know them well. When really you do not.

"... told the school to back the fuck off and stop filling DsD’s head with nonsense about changing into a boy. She is still getting it from peers and popular culture of course (sodding CBBC!) but we are doing all we can to minimise influence." Well done. Sadly in our case it is not coming from school bit from young person themselves. The school have actually been very supportive and open and mostly been helpful.

"DsD’s hatred of her maturing body" yes, very sad. Our young person has this too. For us the attention seeking is looking different, acting different etc. Which is fine; but then not being happy being in the spotlight!

FloralFestiveBunting this advice is so good.

"in terms of what we as parents can do to offset these techniques is, first and foremost, love unconditionally. Always an open door and listening ear. Be your child's strongest advocate.
But as has already been mentioned, don't fall for the drama. Part of the conditioning is the belief that their group is under very special persecution, and there is a constant adversarial undercurrent.
So, state your rules, but don't get drawn into slanging matches ..."

"You are much better off drawing you child's attention to the huge wide sphere of real life that will, hopefully, eventually make the obsessive internet-driven world of mastectomy scars, cutesy terms for experimental medical interventions and endless eggshell treading to make sure the most current terms are used for fear of cancellation, look like the pointless, empty shadow boxing it really is."

And I think that in the current climate that book (that someone may write) could get published. Maybe under a sydonum. I think enough people are now coming forward to say hang on tgis is an unprecedented phenomenon and it needs to be looked at more closely.

It’s been better for us since the school were told to back off. DsD has the grace to accept this may be a phase, even though it doesn’t feel like a phase’.

I’m hoping that the Oxford court case will result in schools examining their complicity in this.

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/legal-action/

Our big concern is how much time is being taken up by all this self reflection on gender and sexuality and how it will affect school work. DsD is a late summer baby anyway and it seems like all these sexuality concepts have been introduced before she had a chance to develop proper sexual desire for an actual person. These things really aren’t so complicated when they are real rather than theoretical!

Regarding activity - we took her rock climbing this holiday for the first time. She was very good at it. Looking for more physically challenging but not necessarily competitive options (but it’s a bit complicated to arrange while family activity due to little sister’s health).

I need to contact the school and find out the answer to all these questions.
It's a never ending list of things to think about and I can't stop thinking about it all the time. :(
I'm hoping it will become less stressful in time.

My personal opinion is that it is very important to speak to the school to find out their position on affirmation and push back if needed. It’s a lot more complex than toilets and changing rooms. Having trusted adults around you referring to you as “he/him” etc and validating the belief that you are the opposite sex, can make future desistence very difficult. IMO, (and from speaking to detransitioners and non affirming psychologists/therapists) it can box a child into an identity and there is the risk of a long term psychological impact from having adults reinforce your belief.

There’s also the concern that the school will be try to be “helpful” and “supportive” by guiding the child towards “support” groups like Mermaids. In our case, the Year Head told me he had contacted LGBT Youth Scotland for guidance on how the school could provide additional support for our daughter- done behind our back.

I was wondering about the school Poly as you said it's an all girl school.

Do they need to be informed at all? As there are no boys changing rooms or toilets for your DD even to access and the name is a shortened version. I'm just wondering what the benefit would be and if widening the circle of who knows about this might open this up to more possible outside influences.

I say this with no prior experience, it could be equally good to get ahead of it and not have them affirm at school but it depends on what their position is.

You mentioned that there were other gender neutral students attending. Is there a school policy on this?

My DD has hated her boobs and periods as well. She has one binder but that has 'mysteriously' gone missing in the wash so she has admitted that H and M Sports bras feel very much the same.
We have an under armour one coming as well.

I don't want to take her to the doctor until I know there is someone I can trust not to affirm. Am going to deal with the school first- I will send an email for a meeting ASAP on Friday.

Two things that are very sincere are DsD’s hatred of her maturing body (which is slim, strong and healthy) and the lesbophobic bullying she has been subjected to in the school changing rooms (accusations of looking at the other girls undressing)

Oh that must be s difficult - my niece's issues started at puberty as well. She's been on anti-ds since the age of 12.

You've thought of this I'm sure but what about a sport in which her strong slim body can be used with skill? Our culture starts to take away girls' physical prowess at puberty - terrible PE classes don't help!

It’s been relatively small scale and quite varied really, mostly telling untruthful stories - once she realised she could skip the classes she didn’t like by spending the time in the school counsellors office, that seems to have been the aim of most school days!

My son had a similar emotional-time-wasting grift going at that age (different school) he has ADHD and ASD and I think DsD could have similar (but I think some of us ASD parents can be quick to ‘diagnose’ other kids, so I can’t really trust my judgment here).

We’d try and rustle up the funds for private talking therapy if we could trust anyone to think critically and not just affirm. Perhaps we would be better trying to fund a private Ed psych? DsD is bright and appears capable so won’t get funding via school (I suspect she has problems with executive function though. She definitely has social issues).

DuMondeB can you say anything non-outing about the attention seeking behaviours?

Our young person hates being in the spotlight yet ends up doing stuff all the time that leads to their being there!

Thanks SmallBlanket YES sadly some NHS endocrinologists are guilty - BUT they are becoming more aware of the madness - they know that when the world wakes up the NHS and they, themselves, may be at fault for many many legal actions that will happen.
As an intersex person, and having too much awareness of cross sex hormones for my own condition.... i have spoken to a fair few, and they are FULLY aware of the drastic long term affects and MUST start offering alternative options, .. these young vulnerable younsters do not need mutilating surgery NOR health damaging medication .. they need love and education .... so sad to see young women ruining they bodies in a fantasy against regular anxieties of growing up....

Happy new year fellow parents and aunties, uncles and well wishers!

Thanks for the flowers upthread, much appreciated. It was quite a year.

Regarding attention seeking behaviours - I do think littlest’s illness has contributed somehow, especially as we hid the worst of it from the other two (they knew she was seriously ill but we didn’t let them visit her in intensive care and middle DsD wasn’t allowed on the Stem Cell Unit due to infection control rules (eldest counted as an adult and could visit). This means she’s only witnessed the outpatient stuff and a additional shorter term hospital stays.

The attention seeking behaviour seems to have been suppressed at home and instead been expressed in school (DsD didn’t ‘come out’ personally, instead a teacher emailed the news along with a link to the local LGBT support group).
Luckily, DsD’s mum is a no nonsense sort (speaks English as a second language and grew up in a country under soviet rule) and told the school to back the fuck off and stop filling DsD’s head with nonsense about changing into a boy. She is still getting it from peers and popular culture of course (sodding CBBC!) but we are doing all we can to minimise influence.

Two things that are very sincere are DsD’s hatred of her maturing body (which is slim, strong and healthy) and the lesbophobic bullying she has been subjected to in the school changing rooms (accusations of looking at the other girls undressing).

Just writing that sends me straight back to my own high school years. Not much has changed in 3 decades.

Sam - good to know you are against this madness. NHS Endocrinologists are the ones prescribing cross sex hormones, unfortunately.

Welcome Sam1875. Can I just caution everyone to be careful about private messages. It's a good way for those with less positive intent to get information that might be better kept private - be they someone inviting PMs or someone using the well intentioned invitation by another to send PMs.

I am new here, sad to see so many parents having issues with this.
I have helped a couple of parents fight this madness.
As intersex I am all too aware of the insanity of allowing ANY human take cross sex hormones.
No one is born in wrong body.
no parent should allow trans delusional ideology wreck their childs life and future health.

For a XX female to take testosterone is pure madness, it will wreck her fertility, bringing shorter life expectancy, many heart problems.

Please make sure your child sees an endocrinologist - NOT just a GP or gender ID clinics.

for a XY male to take estrogen etc - again - madness...

No right minded parent would allow someone into their house to castrate their son?

If you need any advice on the facts - PLEASE SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGE -

SOCIETY, PARENTS, SCHOOLS AND NHS MUST STOP THIS MADNESS ... it is child abuse

Stay as strong as you can, folks. Here's to a new decade of scientific fact and evidence- based treatments.

Absolutely, iamright

Wishing us all, and our kids, a happier year.

Cheers iamright and Amen to that.