ROGD Parent Support

I can do 'they/them', though, in a way I just can't do opposite sex pronouns. One is a fudge, the other is a lie.

My pronoun compromise was use whatever you like out of the house. Inside the house I switched between natal sex pronouns and gender neutral pronouns - my cognitive energy was going towards their long term wellbeing, not monitoring my natural language use.

And iamright I'm not trying to discourage your view. You may be (as your name suggests) right!

iamright I do agree there is a real social element.

I guess I would feel ROGD is gender dysphoria but like different kinds of mental illness it is not necessarily permanent.

Smallblanket "... now diagnosed with ASD, which we didn't know at the time she announced her change of gender. If we had known, I might have tackled things differently."

Snap!

"I sincerely believe that if DD had been born 5 years earlier, or 5 years later, this wouldn't have happened."

Snap 2

PolyplaxSerrata "I don't know if DH is that convinced or he's just trying to stop me from having a breakdown.

He has this annoying habit of playing the devil's advocate."

To be honest I wonder if sometimes protecting ones partner is a part of this, he may be looking out for you. Or he may be playing Devils advocate. What do you think is more likely? For example in my own case the partner is most definitely simply doing what works for him!

PolyplaxSerrat

"She has asked if we will call her they/ them instead. I'd rather not at this stage because I think once we've given in to that, he/him will be next."

Any comments?

How long has it been?

We gave into pronouns after a year. Name after 6 months. In some ways I wish we had given in sooner because I am not sure it has made any difference. PM me if you like.

iamright17 "Are the trans friends new friends and was she not in a group of friends before? So many questions to ask but it seems this is not gender dysphoria but an attempt at belonging."

Of course anyone can say or think anything on here but it's very difficult to diagnose gender dysphoria on the basis of some posts. I know, for example, I would have said that it wasn't genuine in the early days and now I would say it is. The fact it is influenced by others (on line or in real life) doesn't stop it being real, if you see what I mean.

Polyplax - I am not sure any of us even dreamed of having to deal with this, or just how damaging it is for our vulnerable kids, so it's no wonder we feel we made mistakes. Like you I have other kids who would not have fallen down this rabbit hole. My DD is now diagnosed with ASD, which we didn't know at the time she announced her change of gender. If we had known, I might have tackled things differently.

I sincerely believe that if DD had been born 5 years earlier, or 5 years later, this wouldn't have happened.

@rodgmum I don't know if DH is that convinced or he's just trying to stop me from having a breakdown.
He has this annoying habit of playing the devil's advocate.

Can I ask if spouses/partners are supportive? My DH is against the medicalisation of children and has agreed to not affirm/support social transition at home or at school (formally with teachers), but he doesn’t seem to think DD wanting to be a boy is much of a big deal/issue at all, really. He believes TWAW and is starting to drive me a bit bonkers.

School refusal has always been a problem after every holiday. It's part of her anxiety, unfortunately.
The trans friends have been around for a bit but they definitely have more influence on her than they used to.
Sadly we have no way of monitoring her internet usage as she bypassed all our parental controls a couple of years ago. We have allowed her to have slightly restricted acess as we can use it get her to comply with most things- like going to school.
With hindsight we've made a lot of mistakes but we have two older daughters that we didn't have these sort of problems with.

@iamright17 she has trans friends at school and online. I'm going to express my concern at the school influence when I talk to the HOY but the online lot are harder to deal with.
I've dialed down her Data allowance and we've shut off the WiFI at various times during the day and all night but I don't dare remove access altogether. We are looking at ways we can screen what she's doing though.

I have bookmarked the Swedish documentary to watch when school goes back on Monday, thank you!

I think a gender neutral nickname is about as far as we’d go too.

No male or special pronouns - both because we aren’t affirming (although we do accept the distress is real) and because the inevitable slip ups will provide a stick to beat us with (and likely accusations that we are only pretending to be supportive anyway).

Luckily for us a slight variant of DsD’s name is male in many European countries (an accent denotes it as decidedly female in her mum’s country of origin, but it’s an obscure enough difference to not stand out in the U.K.)

We are following the ‘delay all requests’ advice as recommended by Sasha Ayad and Lisa Marchiano (along with a hard no for anything with the potential to cause irreversible changes/physical harm).

Clothes from the boys section are fine though, always have been in our household (more fabric and better pockets mean I buy lots of my own basics from the men’s section anyway).

Normally they aren't so objectional and we just 'smile and wave'.
This is all so emotional and it's made worse during the holiday season when we are all stuck at home together.
When she's back at school and has other things to thinks about, perhaps it'll be easier.

How do you deal with her other asd fixations if she has any? This is just that with fashionable knobs on I think.

As predicted DD is now bugging me about using her 'chosen pronouns'. Bugging = screaming/swearing at me and relentlessly going on about it.
I've told her we won't do this as it will just reinforce her thoughts that she can be male.
She has asked if we will call her they/ them instead. I'd rather not at this stage because I think once we've given in to that, he/him will be next.
We've agreed to call her by her chosen name, but only because it's an abbreviation we used anyhow and as she points out, it's a name used by both sexes.
Any comments?

Anyone got an scientific info on the theory one's body and brain develop at different times on vitro?

The idea we develop a male or female brain at a different point in time to a male or female body.

I know their are structural differences in the size of the brain. I'm not saying I believe one's brain has a 'gender identitty' but rather that there are size distinctions that can be observed. Is this the case?

Hacsi is great! I follow him on Twitter- loads of good information plus rebutting dodgy articles/research.

Has anyone read anything by Hacsi Horvath?