ROGD Parent Support

Thanks funkstar - have started following the facebook page (not on Twitter)….
Very grateful to you all....

There is a Facebook page started for Our Duty which will share updates and events etc. This is all a work in progress but there are plans in progress for a platform and safe place for parents in the UK to talk, garner support and science based evidence. www.facebook.com/ourdutygrp/

If anyone wants a twitter group to follow, @OurDutyGrp is good. They also have a private group chat. This is also a really good support group: www.parentsofrogdkids.com/ There’s a bit of gate keeping but you can stay anonymous through the whole thing- it’s all above board.

Erial1 - what does the social worker think about that? Are they sceptical that all of these girls are "born in the wrong body" and raising it with their colleagues and professional bodies as a matter of concern, or are they earnestly suggesting you get referred asap to GIDS?

Definitely adopted from care way over represented. Spoke with our social worker last week. Over 25% of her team’s case load are identifying as trans boys!

Dumonde - glad you can go to that event - it would be great to have feedback from someone directly affected.

Floral, I am so glad that your daughter has put this particular phase behind her and wish you both much luck on your future journey. She sounds like an interesting, thoughtful, sensitive person and I hope she makes it through her (shitty) adolescence relatively unscathed ❤️

I’m going to be attending the Detransitioners event in Manchester on November 30th - I know quite a few from FWR will be there, but it would be particularly lovely of some of us dealing with the ROGD situation could make In-person contact.

Floral - that pisses me off too. That somehow it is "right" and progressive that children and young people who don't confirm to stereotypes get altered rather than accepting them for who they are.

I see it crop up constantly, particularly in the US families that are conservative but suddenly find themselves as proud rainbow warriors because their son was into pink and sparkles and they panicked at the mere possibility of him being gay, but being trans was much more acceptable, so they now have a 'daughter'. I saw one mother recently giving her testimony, exactly the same as all the others - traditional family, child being out of their gendered expectations for interests and character traits, people worried about the gay thing, mother googled because she was so troubled by this, discovered trans, and lo, she and her whole church going family are joyous LGBTQ+ advocates. But mainly the T. Because ewww, not the G. I mean that's fine for other families, but they just knew it wasn't the case for their child. Couldn't be.

And here I am with one previously trans identifying daughter, and a flamboyant son who I suspect might turn out to be into other blokes and I have zero problem.with that, and I'm the bigot because I didn't immediately affirm the pretend pronouns of my emotionally troubled daughter and instead tried to help her understand what was behind her distress? Pisses me off so much.

The clear homophobia is the things that most puzzles me. In Australia, we moved directly from gay marriage (Yes vote won) to embracing homophobia in the guise of being trans-friendly. I don't get it.

There were a few gay and lesbian elders speaking out at the time of the marriage plebesite, and saying 'this is a conservative agenda (marriage) in a progressive disguise, watch out for where this is taking us' but everyone ignored them.

As the aunt of a young autistic woman who has been taken in by the specialness of this and the fact that she’s now the centre of the family’s attention, I’m so sorry you’re all going through this with your own poor children. They are homophobic, still won’t acknowledge that their 30yr old daughter/sister is a lesbian and yet swallow the whole trapped in the wrong body religion, with regards the youngest daughter.

Erial -I think there is research showing an over representation of adopted children children in gender clinics - I'll see if I can find it. I'd certainly get it in writing somewhere in her recent medical records in case she doesn't volunteer the information further down the line.

Dd seems to have passed through the trans thing that was so bloody intense for the time it lasted. She has friends from her brief time with CAMHS that are identifying as all sorts, and she seems to view it all with an angry contempt. Because CAMHS did fuck all, really. We waited a very long time, she had a couple of sessions of counselling and a couple of groups, and then she was discharged because the overt self harm seemed to have stopped and she just clammed up in group sessions.

She's still dealing with very poor mental health and self esteem. She eventually disclosed to me that she had been assaulted on the way home from school about 6 months before she started identifying as male. She sees people she knows who are still under CAMHS care 'coming out' as NB or Trans, changing names and pronouns, and everyone buzzing round them like bees round flowers. You can see the utter abandoned distress on her face when she mentions the latest one, and I know that it is probably very tempting for her to slip back into things, but she's also growing up to be as bloody stubborn as I am, and she knows she isn't male, however much she hates her body.

Iamright We care, truly we do. More people are questioning. Maya is doing a wonderful job at the tribunal. Women are steadfastly campaigning in every way they can. There are always virtual hands online.

My kid is now 16 - adopted from care awful history of abuse and neglect- came to the realisation that she is a boy over a 2 week period in January. We will support whatever happens, but the affirmation only approach shuts down any possibility of exploration as to what is really going on.

Helena’s story:

Pique Resilience Project recently posted 4 mini interviews.

Helena’s story is most like my SD’s.

Stepdaughter is into comic book culture and a bit socially awkward, suddenly faced with being seen as sexually attractive to predatory men. Who can blame her for wanting to retreat into ‘being a boy’ for a bit?

This is all happening a year after we almost lost my daughter, her littles step sister, to a rare, cancer-like illness, so I suspect there is some kind of trauma response tied in, along with possibly not having been the centre of attention for a year (bearing in mind that she was somewhat protected from knowing just how ill the littlest really was - we didn’t allow he to visit PICU, as an example).

Problem is, we can’t trust any professionals enough to help us unpack all this - the last thing we are going to do is let DsD anywhere near an affirmation model!

DuMonde that's so terrifying! Schools have a lot to answer for in how they are facilitating this ideology and confusing children.

in our case it turned almost overnight, Stepdaughter (12 at the time) and I had a good conversation earlier this year, prompted by a school friend who identifies as non-binary. SD said emphatically at the time that she wasn’t at all gender conflicted and was happy to be female and bisexual (I swear they are all sitting under an LGBT sorting hat at the moment).

Roll on through first period and noticeable breast and hip development, a distressing incident of being catcalled by a grown man and almost passing out in PE due to wearing two too-small sports bras.

Without parental knowledge she had several sessions with a school counsellor who suggested that this new, intense dislike of her breasts might be evidence of a trans identity. Stepdaughter was sent by the counsellor into a rabbit hole of high profile YouTube transmen...

Just turned 13 year old SD is now begging for a double mastectomy!

Rapid Onset GD really is rapid.

First we knew about it was when school emailed home saying that in their opinion, stepdaughter would benefit from seeing a gender counsellor outside of school. Cam home clutching a leaflet for the local council-sponsored LGBT support groups. The trans page linked to the stupid fucking genderbread person.

Kids are confused about their gender because adults are providing them with confusing information.

Thank you for starting this thread, my autistic son told me he was trans about a year ago. Luckily he seems to have changed his mind now, although I still have the worry that he's just waiting till his upcoming 18th when he can act on his own.

We were under the 'care' of CAHMs already for his depression, and they were quite ready to refer to Tavistock straight away and recommended Mermaids to me. I'm so grateful to MN for the information and support they've given. Without them, I may have followed the advice from CAHMs and we could be in a very different place today.

Activism has changed clinical practice without a basis in evidence for this cohort of patients, and is stifling research. Is there any other health issue where the patients get to call the shots?

I am so tired of people assuming I'm upset because I've failed to come to terms with having a transgender child. Or for just being "old-fashioned".

Thanks for this. It really is like witch trials, I’m scared to speak. We had 18 months of hell, but at 16 she seems to be a girl again. Oh but the horror of it, of having to face down requests for life altering procedures, without getting labelled a transphobic. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Eventually I realised I had to be able to live with myself, and that it was ok for me to say no, but if that’s really important for you maybe we can make other arrangements. I think she must have sensed the change in me because it never came to that.. I know most parents try to do the best by their kids but never in a million years can I accept that the way to deal with dysphoria is to cut out the offending parts.
There clearly was social contagion and I think it’s moment has now passed, but obviously lots of young and vulnerable people are still caught up in it.
Best of luck to all of us that our children can learn to love themselves, and leave these narrow life limiting labels behind.