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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Anyone want to talk about men, women, and sex?

182 replies

PuertoVallarta · 14/11/2019 10:59

I am trying to think through some ideas around sex and relationships. I apologize if my ideas are not that clear. I suppose that’s why I need help.

Was talking with a male friend who told me all the women he’s been with have enjoyed anal sex. And I said, “You don’t know that. Of course they’re going to act like they like it. They know they have to like it.” He was surprised and very hurt. I felt bad for casting doubt on his previous relations. I had no proof that these women were faking it, just because I myself can’t imagine anyone liking it.

But I do believe in my heart of hearts that women know they have to like sex stuff unquestioningly. On one hand, because we don’t want to hurt men’s feelings. On another hand, because we love men and we enjoy our relationships and we don’t want to lose them over something silly.

And I also believe that men don’t really consider women’s feelings in the same way. Instead of going along because they are scared of hurting us, the vast majority of men will harbor a growing resentment toward a female partner who denies them certain sex acts that they want.

When I asked the people around me, all I got was the same answer: “If one person wants to do something in the bedroom, and the other person doesn’t, then they are not sexually compatible. He shouldn’t pressure her. He should just leave her so they can both find someone they are compatible with.”

It is so depressing to me! Am I just being a control freak to think it’s unfair to ask women (almost all women, I think) to either give it up or be abandoned? Yes, I know nobody is entitled to a relationship. But I feel like this idea of “compatibility” is a result of women’s worth being tied to what we can provide sexually. A few days have passed since this discussion. My friend is still hurt by my comment, and I am sinking into a depression thinking about how this notion of “compatibility” might just be a way to keep women in line.

Perhaps my thinking is way off the mark. If anyone has time to share their own thoughts, it would be appreciated.

OP posts:
HorseWithNoFucksToGive · 14/11/2019 12:04

I was browsing the sex section of this site, and there was a thread about anal sex and many women claimed to love it...

I'd like to see that.

Linky-poo?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 14/11/2019 11:50

I don't really believe that any woman really wants to be slapped, strangled or choked. Like all of us we yearn for love and respect;

Listening to the opinions of women tells me that neither of those sentences is true for everyone.

Sadiesnakes · 14/11/2019 11:40

Men are very gullible when it comes to believing what they want to believe.

definitelygc · 14/11/2019 11:33

It really winds me up how sensitive men are if you even dare suggest that some of the women they've slept with might have faked an orgasm or not enjoyed it as much as they did.

Me and my mates were reading magazines about how to give the perfect blow job from the age of 14. We were all paranoid about having smelly vaginas or too much pubic hair or being boring in bed. Meanwhile most men think being willing to go down on a woman every now and again makes them some kind of sex god.

When I hear blokes bragging about one night stands I've started telling them that I've never had an orgasm on a one night stand because I can't orgasm if I'm shagging someone who doesn't understand what I like and that all my friends are the same. Always takes the wind out of their sails.

Justhadathought · 14/11/2019 11:22

Different people like different things

"Like' is an interesting word.......Heroin addicts like heroin, and alcoholics like alcohol.....

a lot of what we learn about sexuality and the way we determine our own sexual response is very much tied in to what we have been exposed to. The earliest images and experiences are often the most powerful and can shape our imaginal life.

I don't really believe that any woman really wants to be slapped, strangled or choked. Like all of us we yearn for love and respect; often seeking it in the most hopeless of situations; and from those equally as damaged.

Young women ( & young men) regularly exposed to the sorts of practices and abuses that we see in much of modern pornography must be very confused indeed. And it is abuse - as countless ex pornography 'performers' have attested to.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 14/11/2019 11:12

I was browsing the sex section of this site, and there was a thread about anal sex and many women claimed to love it.
Why would they lie to us on here?
Different people like different things.
A man told me that he split up with his girlfriend because she wanted him to choke her and slap her in the face. He did it, because she wanted him to, but after a while couldn't take it and left.
People do things they don't want to do because their partners want them to. They probably shouldn't, but they do.
And not everyone who says they enjoy something is lying.

HorseWithNoFucksToGive · 14/11/2019 11:09

..who told me all the women he’s been with have enjoyed anal sex....

And yet, weirdly, all of them are no longer with him.

I sarcastically wonder why.