"Micro" acts of every day sexism...

In restaurants, this has happened alot when the bill comes and I'll give the waiter my card to pay and he will hand it back to my husband or I'll ask about the wine and the waiter will speak to my husband about it instead of me eventhough I was the one who asked about it.

And just almost every sport, it's always the womens team just the team for the men. Or Boxing and womens boxing etc

@Doodoobear that's fucking outrageous. Racist and sexist

At the gym I've noticed that the hook for the barbell safety clips is at the very top of the weight rack. I can reach it (just) as I'm 5'10, but I imagine many women can't. The rack is clearly designed for male use. I always put the clip on the floor.

@Mummyoflittledragon, fwi (and I appreciate this is not about feminism), I thik we all make assumption on how much help people need. Its not about being disabled but about trying to evaluate someone else need.
So we all use clues. a pram, a walking stick, some who is limping or going more slowly. I know I would be more careful for all of them but it has no link with the fact they are or not disabled.

I say that as someone who is chronically ill btw and has issues movinf around for long

I drive a pretty snorty American style sports car. I popped over to the garage to put it through the car wash and my Dad decided to come along for the ride. There was a bit of a queue so he jumped out to go and get the token while I waited. Came back pissing himself laughing as he’d overheard a discussion about how the car must be a reregistered import with left hand drive. A much simpler explanation than a woman driver!

Told my DP's brother the old classic riddle (father and son in a car crash, son gets rushed to hospital, surgeon says "I can't operate on this boy, he's my child) and after guessing everything possible (including parallel universes and a gay couple)

I tried this on a friend's 10-year old son. Same thing - 2 dads, stepfather, adopted etc. My friend (female) is a doctor!

@FridalovesDiego I do see that hormones could cause a woman to think differently when she has a young baby, but I was quite insistent that this had always been our plan ever since we decided to start TTC our first. The other options offered to me are not suitable, hormonal contraception in the past has played havoc with my emotions (ironic) and in some cases (combined pill) contributed to me feeling extremely depressed. I became pregnant on the coil and subsequently miscarried that baby (in between Dd1 and dd2). So I don't want the coil again.

DH supports my decision and understands why I don't want hormonal contraception again. He was also pretty against getting a vasectomy, he just didn't want to. Which I also understand that is his choice. He is now looking into it again as it seems like our only option. It just annoyed me that the doctor wasn't really listening to all the reasons above and insisted I would change my mind once my hormones have settled down and this was just a knee jerk reaction because I had a new baby and was tired etc.

I'd booked a double appointment that day to also discuss the possibility that I have PND but left because I didn't have any confidence in what he was saying, he was just so dismissive.

Another micro act which really irritates DH is the lack of changing facilities and toilet he can take our daughters in. Changing tables are often situated in the ladies toilets. Some places are getting better and big shopping centres etc usually have great facilities. But our nearest city centre has no toilet facilities that DH can use with dd (3.5) she still needs help with the toilet and he wouldn't always want to take her in the men's toilets (the public loos especially are usually in a right state, it wouldn't matter is Dd was a ds). He doesn't feel comfortable going into the ladies with her. The baby change room has no toilet. Which just leaves the disabled toilet. Which isn't ideal and often you need a radar key anyway. Like he said it's the assumption that it will always be a female taking care of changing etc.

At my dds primary they always phoned/emailed me if there was a problem, despite the fact that I had listed DJ as primary contact & repeatedly told them that I had no phone signal and didn’t check my home emails while I was at work (they didn’t seem to be able to email work email address). DH was in the next village working more flexibly!

sashh
Many people need help, who don’t meet that criteria. I am disabled. Qualify for a bb but would not find a walking stick useful. I find able bodied people making judgments about how disabled people are supposed to look a micro aggression.

I don't know florence it kind of seems sexist that contraception is left up to the woman. I get why they would question a new mother (hormones) more than a new father. It could look like coercion on his part.

I'm still reading the replies but 2 that have annoyed me recently:

People showing sympathy towards DH now we have just had our second Dd. Or asking if we will be trying for a boy. DH has taken to asking them outright why he should be disappointed to have 2 beautiful girls? They usually mutter something about hormones and future boyfriends 🙄

I went to the doctors to be referred to have my tubes tied. Doctor wouldn't refer me now because he was worried I was making an emotional decision as my baby was only 8 weeks old at the time. DH and I have only ever wanted 2, we have 2, we don't want and more importantly couldn't really afford a 3rd child so want to ensure that doesn't happen. So I'm too emotional to make that decision, but the doctor said he would be happy to refer DH for a vasectomy. He didn't answer me when I pointed out that DH also has an 8 week old and would also be making an emotional decision.

I think the medical ones are more understandable really. It was only recently that unmarried fathers got parental responsibility and tbh I think it is less sexist to assume couples are not married when having children. So it harks back to a time of safeguarding of women and children which is positive. All the other examples suck shit though.

Not sure if this is casual sexism (and racism) or just a man being a knob.
At work and a table of 3 men ask for a black coffee and a latte. I make and deliver them and twat#1 then says
"Yes my black coffee, ya know, like a black man, black men that all you women like!" Leer leer, wink wink.
I just looked at him and walked off, so he shouted after me I must be a lesbian then if I don't like black men.
Then accused me of shit customer service because I wouldn't reply.
He was white as am I. It was 6 hours ago and I'm still livid.
I don't know if it's sexist/racist but it was so inappropriate, yet I'm the one on the recieving end because I won't engage. Pisses me right off.

They were waiting for me to leave first. I think there are a lot of old fashioned men in my office. It happens every single time.

Do you have a fab arse?

I had a discussion with a male friend about opening doors for other people. He likes to be polite but wanted some 'rule'.

Hw now opens doors for anyone who needs a hand, so anyone pushing a pram, or carrying bags or using a walking aid.

Work in the police. We have a form in work to apply for maternity leave. It has drop down fields, and for rank it only has the option of Constable or Sergeant. Apparently Inspectors & above don't get pregnant.

Anyone noticed that whenever there is a photo of a celeb or otherwise famous couple in the media, regardless of whether the couple are famous together, or it is the man or the woman, the pose is usually; man looks confidently into camera, woman gazes adoringly at man? This has always irked me.

@NoNewsisGood Maybe I should have put more in my post but we actually live 150 miles apart so there wouldn’t be a thing he could do about it anyway. It rankled me because I’d already explained why I didn’t want to and it was just more admin for me to do - to make him feel better. It wasn’t for my benefit it was for his.

I may be being unreasonable with it (AIBU? ) but I felt like my boundaries were being ignored if that makes sense.

I now live in a country where women have a single, invariable title with no relation to marital status at all. It's restful.

@Endofthedays Because if it had been the nisi, I was technically not divorced yet so (if I had ever been Mrs in the first place) it could have been a more reasonable assumption that I was still Mrs. With the absolute, however, it's probably not a good assumption for a lot of people.

I thought it was quite funny. But I did wonder how my solicitor's office, who had been dealing with me personally for a couple of years and calling me Ms throughout, suddenly decided to address me as Mrs for the first time ever on the day I officially divorced. It wasn't sexism and yet there was a lovely irony to it!

Pointing out an anomaly in a set of numbers at work that could have had serious consequences, and needed correcting asap, I got told to “calm down.”

Would a male member of the team be spoken to like this? No fucking way!

I had a plumber round, and was shunting the newly delivered washing machine round the tiny kitchen so he could get to the boiler, when I wouldn't let him move it for me, he called me a suffragette I was rather surprised (and speechless) Until then, I hadn't realised attitudes like that still existed. Since then, found lots of similar attitudes. But then this tiny town I live in is still in the 1950's so...

I work in a large office. When I am in the lift with a bunch of men they always insist I exit first. I hadn't realised it initially and once I was at the back of the lift and could not understand what the delay was ...why were the men not leaving and then the penny dropped. They were waiting for me to leave first. I think there are a lot of old fashioned men in my office. It happens every single time.

The water board send the most bizarrely addresses letters. I am Miss Reluctant Countess, and my partner is Mr Eager Manchild. Letters come addressed like this:
Mr & Mrs Eager Reluctant Manchild Countess.

Madness.

@meganchips Could also because he knows what arseholes some men can be and therefore wants to make sure you are safe from them.

Used to have nice flatmates at college who put themselves out to walk home with me, etc. Shame they didn't do more to make sure more men aren't arseholes though, but I kinda trusted they had a better idea of what men can do than I did and therefore grateful they cared.

I now live in a country which on the outside appears to have equality sorted but inside...jeez. Especially moving due to DH's job so he was definitely the breadwinner when we arrived and the one with the contract that opened all bureaucracy doors. However, am seeing the upside of this now as I used to do all the household stuff (childcare, holidays, housework, all 'wife work' crap including finances) but now I don't have access to half of this stuff......so he has to do it. Apparently it's a pain....yeah, no shit. Downside of course is that I still have to remember all the stuff and remind him to do it. but...well, if I can't get access to the account....well.....no, sorry, I can't look for the new insurance quote It is quite freeing....

@INeedMoreCats
He used to use his very much post wartime rank - Major - as he was in the TA, as he thought it impressed his MoD colleagues. My equivalent rank is Colonel. I hope it pisses him off.

Oh this has made me laugh. I too experienced unreal sexism in the 70's and 80's working in the Civil Service and Criminal Justice system (actually in the 90's too)

We had a particularly pompous man who was basic grade at work but when introducing himself always said "but you can call me Captain" (his previous Army rank). Until one day a quiet unassuming man replied "in that case you will call me Major" oh it's the smallest things, it still tickles me now

Apparently he only got the rank of Major by default bit we didn't care it was priceless.