Do women have the right to say they feel uncomfortable over a name?

Only and somehow a lot of posters insist that it happens,regularly,normally and equally in "these parts".

Having grown up and worked in the North East and married a Geordie, I can say with some confidence that while Geordie women will call both sexes of all ages “pet”, occasionally “hinny” if they (the caller) are older, Geordie men never use those terms towards other men, only towards women and girls. “Pet” is not an equal-opportunities term.

But mate is lovely and inclusive and comradely. I want to be called mate!

Well, then ask people to call you mate.

Personally I don't like it and I would take offence if I were called mate.

Horses for courses I guess.

But that happens all the time! The men I hang out with are often called sir when being served whilst I get called nothing or “darling”.

Then that is sexist. But that doesn't mean that the incident in the op was sexist nor that every other time a man calls a woman love he is being sexist.

Sometimes a man using "love" is being sexist. Sometimes a woman using "love" is being patronising or demeaning. Sometimes both are being friendly.

Is this really the hill you want to die on HH?

So I politely asked you not to use my initials and yet you persisted. According to you this is refusing to accept boundaries, to assert dominance, to belittle.

So basically you are no better than the delivery man in trampling boundaries and respecting a request to address someone in a manner that they find acceptable. Interesting.

I would agree that it's sexist if the delivery man addressed the op as love and then when her husband turned up he called him sir. Clearly that's sexist.

But that happens all the time! The men I hang out with are often called sir when being served whilst I get called nothing or “darling”. By the time DS was 15 he’d had his hand shaken far more times than I had in my whole life. ok slight exag. He’d been called Big Man too. Which is cringe. No girl ever gets called Big Woman do they? Because to do so would be to imply she’s unattractive, so bound are women by the tyranny of appearance.

However, if he called her love and him mate then to me, he's just using an informal form of address. That's the difference to me.

But mate is lovely and inclusive and comradely. I want to be called mate!

My friend who is Brazilian calls everyone “my friend”which i love. Gender neutral. I might adopt that. People will look at me a bit funny at first but it’ll catch on I’m sure.

I won't use your initials then. No problem.

Oops sorry, typed the other reply before I saw your post.

Is this really the hill you want to die on HH? You said yourself you don't like being called names like that, but you're still trying to gaslight women when they don't like men calling them and only them, not men, love.

Why doesn't he call them both "mate". Where I live some men call everybody they talk to 'pal'. I like it, it's friendly. "Love" isn't.

@SarahNade Britain may be 'behind the times' in many respects but as a Black female if I had to choose between living in Australia and Britain...well let's just say it would be an easy choice.

Yes I'm going to HH.

Please don't address my by my initials. I find that rude. I would like to be addressed by my full name. Thank you.

Completely normal to you maybe, not to the rest of the enlightened western 2019 first world.

Completely normal throughout the UK. Are you honestly telling the citizens of another country how to speak?

The difference is MEN AND WOMEN.
You said it yourself.

So why do women call other women, and men, pet, love, duck?

Are you honestly saying that men can never use it towards women in the way that women use the same words towards other women or men eg a friendly greeting?

I would agree that it's sexist if the delivery man addressed the op as love and then when her husband turned up he called him sir. Clearly that's sexist. However, if he called her love and him mate then to me, he's just using an informal form of address. That's the difference to me.

Yes, men could use "love," in a sexist way just as women could use it in a demeaning way towards other women and men.

Equally it can be used in a friendly way by anyone.

hahaha, not even the tiniest droplet of sympathy.

Yes I'm going to HH.

I have never known an interaction with a customer to go from being cordial to immediately leap to a retail worker accusing the customer of being abusive.

When men are being sexist in a sweet cordial way and you call them on it, they immediately get very angry. You'd need to do it to experience it though. Men accuse women who stand up to them of being abusive all the time. It's called DARVO and it's commonly reported both in Relationships and FWR.

So where's my six page or whatever it is now thread defending me?

Start your own thread to discuss it then.

It is also routine for women to address men and women that they barely know as love, pet, duck etc. Why do think that would be?

The difference is MEN AND WOMEN.
You said it yourself.

But you did have some power of him because you could have made a complaint to his employer about his conduct.

That's like saying that women who are being harassed,assaulted,raped abused etc have power over the men that did those things because they can report them to their boss or the police.

It is routine for men to use these to women they don’t know, barely know or work with. Why do people think this might be?

It is also routine for women to address men and women that they barely know as love, pet, duck etc. Why do think that would be?

If the motive behind men doing it is always sexist what is the motive behind women doing it?

So that makes me question what else had been said, whether the situation was escalating, whether the customer was starting to get irate about her missing chicken and was raising her voice etc.

But surely that makes his actions more malevolent! If you’re in the middle of a dispute with them you wouldn’t continue to call them “love” unless you were deliberately trying to belittle them.

Also, did we miss the bit where her husband came to her defence? Did the delivery man call her DH love as well I wonder?

Funnily enough all the class warriors on this thread haven't come out battling for me. I was in a subordinate position (very subordinate) to my boss and he hounded me out of my job. All because I asked him politely not to call me darling. I also didn't receive the annual bonus that literally everybody in the company got because he decided I didn't deserve one, so I suffered materially too.

The delivery driver, got what? A woman asking him politely not to call her love. He got to walk away whilst calling her abusive.

If we're talking about class differentials and power over, my boss definitely abused his over me. So where's my six page or whatever it is now thread defending me? Or is there a difference in status between the delivery man and me which makes what happened to him very very important, whilst my experience can be ignored? Even by people who claim to care so much about classism (that they ignore sexism and misogyny).

I've never felt more powerful in my life.

But you did have some power of him because you could have made a complaint to his employer about his conduct. What he did in that instance was unequivocally wrong but in the case of the grocery delivery man I don't think it is clear cut.

There is too much ambiguity to come down on one side or the other. We know literally a couple of sentences that were said. What else was said by all.aprties that contributed to the atmosphere? It's very weird if all the op said (politely) was "please don't call me love" that the driver immediately accused her of being abusive. So that makes me question what else had been said, whether the situation was escalating, whether the customer was starting to get irate about her missing chicken and was raising her voice etc.

I have never known an interaction with a customer to go from being cordial to immediately leap to a retail worker accusing the customer of being abusive. Ime that doesn't happen and so I'm reading between the lines, particularly given her demand that she absolutely had to have something to roast for lunch on Sunday - that sounds like she was becoming belligerent about her missing item.

WhiskeyLullaby that’s such a good point about delivery men.

I often think that deliver men have the real insight into how women actually are: dishevelled, no makeup, un-bra’d and floppy-boobed.

That’s why I love the Pizza Guy so much. He sees me as I really am and yet he keeps returning.