Samaritans and sex calls

Volunteered for a similar organisation. Like a PP said, they knew exactly how to keep you on the line. In our handbook there were certain phrases that meant you really couldn’t hang up on someone. They would exploit this. Even when we were going to end a call, we would have to give repeated warnings eg ‘I am going to have to end the call in sixty seconds as other callers need my help’ ... ‘I am going to have to end the call in thirty seconds as other callers need my help...’

And we would always have to say ‘Please call us back whenever necessary’ It made me so angry having to do it all. Had a few similar experiences as PP - people ringing saying they’d been wearing underage siblings’ underwear etc. Vile vile vile

They don’t use the internet etc because they like to try and trick the listeners into there wanking scenario for as long as possible until the penny drops... it’s a controlling game where lack of consent is at the root for the wanker.

And this is exactly the sort of man who wants to get into women’s spaces without our consent. And this breaking down of consent is what the gender lobbyists are pushing for at every opportunity.

Former national helpline worker in an English speaking country. I agree there are many sex calls but the caller who caused me to resign enjoyed abusing the volunteers.

Due to the early morning shift it was rare I had a shift without hearing from this man who appeared to enjoy insulting me about anything possible. Eventually I was permitted to hang up after one warning.

I began crying when driving to the shift on the last few occasions and knew it was time to stop. It made me very sad as the people I worked with were lovely. They try so hard to help and some callers abuse the service.

Illuminating, depressing but somehow not surprising. Thanks OP for shining a light here.

sorry about the typos

I’m a current Samaritan and I can confirm that yes, we do get regular sex calls. They don’t use the internet etc because they like to try and trick the listeners into there wanking scenario for as long as possible until the penny drops... it’s a controlling game where lack of consent is at the root for the wanker.
They’re very disappointed in me as I can spit them a mile if nowadays and spoil all their fun.
Must Sams are just generally pissed off at genuine callers maybe not getting through because of people abusing the service.

I couldn't complete the Sam's training I was so livid about the sex calls. I tried my best and spoke about my concerns but I just felt violated. There were more women than men volunteering in my group and we are targeted, we were told the sex calls just hang up when a male voice answers the call. I just couldn't do it to myself.

Shouldn't it be possible to charge at least the worst repeat callers with something? I would think it qualifies as sexual harassment of the volunteers or something, anybody know?

Was about to post about the Brenda line. Think that was in the 70s?

I’m not sure I agree that the organisation has a light hearted attitude about them though - perhaps that was your local leaders/branch culture? (For those who don’t know, Samaritans has quite a decentralised branch structure, like the RSPCA, although it has got more streamlined in recent years) I was involved with regional ‘caller support’ (basically managing high frequency callers) and it was taken very seriously, and my branch took support of our volunteers very seriously as well, no one was ever made to feel they had to indulge a sex caller etc.

Male volunteers get more ‘snap’ calls (where the caller hangs up immediately without saying anything - really common) I think because masturbators are looking for a female voice. Although of course a lot of genuine callers will hang up as well - I think there was a statistic that the average caller will have hung up 5-6 times before feeling able to start to talk to a volunteer. And many genuine callers want a female volunteer as well (and some want a male).

I do think Samaritan training is excellent, I never felt violated by the wankers - pitied them really, but it was water off a ducks back. Other types of manipulative callers were a lot more frustrating. But on the whole being able to make a difference for people at their lowest was an immense privelige.

This thread is properly depressing. I used to man a national helpline 20 years ago. No sex pest calls in my year of volunteering.

Ex-Sam here - my experience was similar to @Cwenthryth's. And I found some of the sex callers to be incredibly manipulative and clever - they knew exactly what to say to keep us on the line (we could only end the call when certain criteria have been met). The early morning shifts were the worst.

I've never heard of the Brenda line though . . . ?

blimey

www.theguardian.com/uk/2000/jan/02/sarahryle.theobserver

Reverend Varah, the founder wanted call handlers to 'befriend' the sex callers. what's unwritten in that article is that if the vast, vast majority of them only want to speak to women, then yet again he's asking women to service men's sexual demands. plus ca change eh?

of course the Guardian reports this uncritically, with an aside that Varah also supported sex education, so he must be right about expecting female volunteers to assist men in cracking one off.

I used to work in a Rape Crisis Centre, so I knew these calls happened, but I’m shocked by the scale of it. It’s crap that it’s caused some of you to leave rather than being able to do the role you signed up for.

Ex Samaritan. I left because the sex calls were beginning to outweigh calls from those that needed help. Also started to feel used by those men who phoned early morning to discuss which lipstick or foundation to wear.

In the beginning of Samaritans it was called the Brenda line, sex calls were regular. They still are but no volunteer has to listen to them now and the ethos changed within the organisation towards them a long time ago. The are not acceptable however some genuine calls can come out of a call that starts in this way. I found them difficult but always knew I could end the call and as volunteers we had support to deal with them

And another thing...! Most of them would talk about wearing women's clothes

(Apologies for sp and grammar, I was het up and typing at the speed of light!) Also, google Brenda line

I can't tell you how happy I was to see this thread! (Although happy might be the wrong word) ex sam volunteer an I would get disgusting sexcalls every shift. Also calls from men in prison pretending they were suicidal as an excuse to talk about the child they'd raped to a young sounding woman. They would never talk to men.

I left in the end as it made me feel violated. And it wasn't even that, the organisation had a very light hearted attitude to it e.g. just laugh it off, tell you don't be silly it's not violating, claim that the men had issues and needed to have a sex call other wise they'd go and do something worse

It was all a complete denial of the fact that it was a form of violence against women. Also, I don't know if you know, the Sam's used to have a 'brenda line' -explicitly for men who wanted a sex call because they 'have a problem and just can't help themselves'

When I left I gave them an earful about it and said they needed to get some proper training on gender based abuse and violence

(And exhale...)

Omg men can be so disgusting. I think we a society wide case of cognitive dissonance going on with men's sexually predatory and abusive behaviour. We are not allowed to mention it, and if we do we are gaslighted and told we are 'fear mongering'. And that we are 'bigoted' and 'exclusionary'

I concur. I don't know what men would have to do, how low they would have to sink, before society says that we have a massive problem with men and male abuse of women and girls. Will it take a crime like the savages on the bus in India? I think somehow, people will always find a way to excuse it and dismiss it. Women don't want to believe it and men don't want to confront it about themselves.

Yes I used to work for the Samaritans about 20 years ago and on some shifts there were more sex calls than genuine calls.

I was a sex chat line operator in the mid 90s. One year I worked the Christmas nigh shift and weirdly, it was mostly very depressed callers talking about their problems.

I don’t mean to be flippant about the seriousness of men wanking at non-consenting charity volunteers and blocking up lines meant for people in distress, but it seems a bit like the other side of a metaphorical coin.

Thanks for shining a light on this - I didn't know, though sadly not surprised given what we've seen on here AGP posts.

And this is why I don't want these pervs in changing rooms and other single sex spaces with women and girls.

blimey. this was a thing I didn't know about

every day's a school day

Yeah, people (mostly men) can be grim 🤷🏻‍♀️ but at least for me, it didn’t take away from being able to help people in crisis. You are well trained for it and you just free the line up and move on. They’re very easy to spot/manage once you have a bit of experience. They’re never as clever as they think they are exactly like sex/poo trolls on here tbf!

Tbf we have a lot of similar on Mumsnet. The toilet troll, popular kid troll and so on - almost certainly a bloke getting his rocks off.