Men who dislike MN

About once a week there's a thread on MN asking 'why do women without children post on here'. I never see equivalent 'why do men post on here' threads but often wonder it. But then maybe that's because I'm a childless witch.

@CranberriesChoccy

AIBU is Am I being Unreasonable?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable

I agree with Icantreachthepretzels in that it feels like other sites target Mumsnet just because it’s women having opinions, in a way that posters on here don’t do. I’ve never seen threads on here started to ridicule any other sites with a pile on to pull them apart just because their users are men.

It does feel that they are pissed off by the fact that we dare to have an opinion (and outlet for it) of our own.

Men hate women getting together. Always have. Probably always will.

But I do agree to a certain extent with the people on the other thread who pointed out the double standards of being furious about men mocking MN threads when plenty of MNers mock them as well,

Surely it depends on what thread is being mocked? I don't think anybody would object if a football forum pulled the 'screaming in the Sistine chapel' thread and had themselves a good time at the OPs expense ... everyone here was as well - she was well and truly BU.

But if it's just an innocuous thread filled with innocuous replies and they're pulling the replies apart as well ... then that suggests what they're doing is using their free time to rip apart and belittle women for no reason other than they enjoy doing it - which is far more sinister.

Unfortunately, I didn't read the thread the football thread was laughing at so I don't know whereabouts on the scale of ridiculous - innocuous it falls.
I tried to look at the football forum but - unless it just wasn't loading on my computer - it's really not a user friendly forum. So I can't see whether their thread is lighthearted and friendly or... the other thing.

complaining about men's forum threads rating women on their attractiveness, when there are plenty of MN threads rating men in a similar way.

We don't have 'minx or minger' threads on MN - and we don't 'rate' men. There are sometimes 'who do you find attractive' threads where people post pictures of celebrities (sans a score) they fancy. Yes I suppose that is objectification - but it is a completely different level to having a bantzy alliterative title where you pull a picture (and this doesn't even have to be a celebrity - who to a certain extent enter into and agree to this when they choose their career - it's not like 'heart throb' is a brand new concept) and then rate whether they are hot or not.
'here's a picture of a famous person I fancy' is a completely different thing to 'here's a picture of a random person - tell us what you think, using cruel or objectifying language.'

Snakes with tits is horrendous though - and doesn't leave me willing to give the benefit of the doubt to those who use it. It's a phrase that dehumanises women by calling them an animal (like so many of our women only insults) and then adds crude sexual objectification on the top for good measure.
Over on the other thread people were trying to defend this because women here call men bastards - and say LTB, as if that's somehow comparable. No - inventing an insult that calls a woman an animal with sexualised body parts is not the same as calling a man an incredibly generic and fully human swear word.
But I really couldn't be bothered taking the time trying to explain it to posters who couldn't work out the difference for themselves.

There are certain men who are threatened by MN - and we all know why and we see what they do. Saying 'well it's a double standard to complain because not all women on MN are perfect all the time either, they do x, y and z ' is ridiculous (and sexist - women can only complain about mistreatment if they are 100% above reproach in all things). The fact is: MNers don't trawl male dominated websites to find innocuous threads they are posting, bring them back here and then laugh at what all the men have got to say for themselves. When we do have threads 'laughing at men' they tend to be like the Fat Balls thread, personal funny stories about men we love, teasing them for a moment of idiocy. That is not even in the same universe as taking posts from a stranger, removing context, deliberately misunderstanding or just plain being a dick by making fun of what they said (possibly whilst referring to this stranger as some kind of sexualised animal.)

Some men do choose to trawl MN and do exactly that, though - and any man that does, you can just write off as a misogynist. Which is handy, I suppose, but probably quite upsetting if you find out you're married to one of them.

I think my idea of it was closer to what the dreaded Netmums is in reality.

Exactly, I suspect, what many of the misogynistic visitors and GF posters also expect. But, unlike you, they don't accept us for what we are: a community of women who will discuss anything and everything, will challenge what we disagree with, will be blunt and forthright, rude and crude - as well as be gentle and kind. It threatens misogynists and GFers when we don't conform to the stereotypes of nice mummies who will look after them, while being pliantly gentle and kind.

But how it liberates us!

There are clearly some men who hate MN because they feel threatened by it, and that's pretty pathetic. But I do agree to a certain extent with the people on the other thread who pointed out the double standards of being furious about men mocking MN threads when plenty of MNers mock them as well, and complaining about men's forum threads rating women on their attractiveness, when there are plenty of MN threads rating men in a similar way.
Women c as n fairly often be pretty brutal and hostile on MN about men. It's usually deserved tbh, but I don't think we would like to read similar attitudes and language towards women on a men's forum even if it was about women who had behaved very badly. It would probably make many of us feel very defensive and critical towards that forum.

incredibly sturdy pyjamas

Gosh.

I think the men who hate Mumsnet should say it as loudly as possible...

... it's a very good Wanker Klaxon.

IME, men who are patronising, dismissive, and make just generally hate filled and revolting comment about MN/MNers are basically misogynists who dislike women and probably feel threatened.

Seems a decent, if obvious, summary.
Not sure about the tits comment though, because it was presumably posted in a thread I haven't seen.

@theflushedzebra

I rarely venture onto AIBU these days

What is that?

There is a thread on KF about the cancelled Mumsnet NSPCC webchat, comments include:

‘Mumsnet is not the hero we want, but it is the hero we need’

‘ This is why Mumsnet is fucking feared by the Government.
They don't take shit from anyone and I love them for it.’

And incredibly sturdy pyjamas are mentioned at least twice.

I can't say I know anyone who pretends to be or is a ditzy mummy

Strong women pretending to be ditsy mummies. All hail the Female.

They get really really angry when their wives start talking about them and they get told to LTB.

It's no wonder they hate us.

I didn't come to MN for a long time because I had an idea about it based only on what I had read or heard about it. I didn't think it was for me. I think my idea of it was closer to what the dreaded Netmums is in reality.

I love MN but people who haven't experienced it for themselves don't know what they are talking about. Many people who talk disparagingly about it are possibly misogynistic and have totally the wrong idea about what it's all about.

I started to read that thread and then figured life is too short and it's probably a windup anyway. Who cares what a bunch of random men think?

However, I have seen a good few threads I've the years in relationships where women who are treated badly or abused are later accused of letting Mumsnet fill their head with ideas once they decide enough is enough.

On a different note, I've really noticed an upturn in the "ah it's just men, they can't help themselves" kind of posts. And they call feminists man haters

3rd rule of misogyny: Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.

4th rule of misogyny: Women's opinions are violence against men thus male violence against women is justified.

5th rule of misogyny: WATM! Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.

We do speak for ourselves, we have opinions, we centre women more than any other forum...
Are you really surprised that misogynists hate MN? For them, at best MN is something to be ignored or ridiculed, at worst something to be hated.

Strong women scare weak men.

Using my superb investigative skills ( I just found that thread - men using misogynistic language about women "for a larf."

so original.

I married a great man - and actually, being on Mumsnet all these years has made me realise just how great he is. He never uses misogynistic language about women, ever. He pulls our sons up straight away too - if he ever catches them saying disrespectful stuff.

I rarely venture onto AIBU these days. Too many twats. Too many women there who will leap to the defence of some really appalling behaviour by men - and say stuff like "mumsnet hates men"

I've been here a very short time but have heard MN mentioned on many other sites. When men mention it it tends to be in a dismissive manner, referring to it as a haven for (apologies if this word is forbidden) feminazis. I haven't had that impression at all. So much intelligent debate and thoughts shared here, I regret not joining sooner. Some men probably don't like that this site goes against the patriarchy we live in, and points out a lot of hypocrisy.

defend men who refer to women as snakes with tits

Wow really?

There is a long history of certain types/groups of men who seem very threatened by Mumsnet. F4J, MRAs, naafi, pistonheads... they've all done it - joined MN just to troll or to give the women a good talking to. They often seem surprised - affronted, even - to find the women here argue back.

It must be the female dominated support network, and the plethora of strong, intelligent women who post here that they find discombobulating

And Jacques is correct.

I just think some guys don’t like women talking and having opinions

This.

I treat MN in RL very much like fight club and don't tell people I'm on here as a general rule. People can latch on to it's reputation of being a 'nest of vipers' and 'full of man hating feminazis' and discredit anything said here if they know MN is the source. I however have found my people

Occasionally I have stumbled across threads on 'men's' forums (cars, football, Reddit) that are vomit inducinglg women hating. Similarly once people start frothing on aibu it can becime a collective scream of ltb for a relatively minor infraction sometimes. Such is the internet.

If these men are so insecure they have to attack a forum as a whole and blanket categorise us in a negative way, that's their problem. It won't shut us up

I just think some guys don’t like women talking and having opinions
🤷‍♀️

Not seen the thread mentioned so this is a general response.

My DH knows I post on Mumsnet and I often read witty posts aloud to him.

T’other day he told me he ended up here after googling for a recipe (he does all the cooking in our house) and not only did the recipe turn out great but he was very amused that it was posted in response to a GF!

I love MN. I’d not used it for parenting stuff (despite my eldest being 19) but knew it existed because I’d read about the politician biscuit questions. It’s only after FWR sucked me in that I realised that MN biscuits aren’t quite what they are depicted as in news media!

So, I don’t completely judge people who don’t realise how wide reaching the conversation gets here, the front page articles certainly don’t reflect the depth of experience and camaraderie you find on the forums.

A person that actually hate-reads Mumsnet is either full of teen angst or, yes, a bit of misogynist. Anyone that pays attention can see that a range of opinions are shared, It’s not as if we all have the exact same agenda (except when it comes to LTB towards abusive men, that’s generally unanimous. Maybe that’s the bit that makes Mumsnet so offensive?)