How to explain feminist issues to young kids?

Oh another thing I do a lot is (KINDLY) ask her when she does drawings of me / our family why I’m always wearing a dress, given I wear a dress about as often as her dad??

She’s still doing it but I think she is thinking about why. She clearly wants a way to express in art “this person is female/male” but doesn’t have the ability yet to do it any other way than drawing a triangle over the bodies of female people. :)

I’m definitely going to try “do you need a penis for that”, hahah...

Have you discovered the Mighty Girl website? It’s a great resource for books with female protagonists and if you sign up to their Facebook page it pops up stories of real girls and women doing inspiring things - It is great for a conversation starter as in ‘ come and look at this girl and see what she’s invented.’

I also took the approach of gently mocking people who were silly enough to think that girls couldn’t do this or that and it has worked well.

You do have to remember that at school other children and teachers and books will be continually giving them messages about girls that need to be contradicted. Sometimes you feel as if you never stop going on about it but it is really important to keep pointing out women doing well and women not conforming to stereotypes.

You can also remind them that there are lots of different kind of girls - sporty, academic, fashionistas, sciency, arty and get them to look at the girls and women around them. I think we suffer from girls being seen as a homogeneous group and stereotyped accordingly but if you can divide up the girls into different types they are harder to stereotype. All girl environments are great for making the differences between girls much more obvious.
Good luck!

OP

Another difficult reality is that women can't do this alone. Men need to step up far more than they generally do.

I can tell DS ten times that there are no girls and boys colours but he absorbs the information better if DH says it once. DH is his primary role model.

Well, you know, this is the 'by parents, for parents' place.

Yy to discussing fairness. We talk about equality and the way men and women are not depicted equally in film, tv etc.

We talk about girls and boys having equal potential, but that society blocks girls.

We talk about stereotyping, what that means and how limiting/ damaging it can be.

We talk about girls and boys being different (what biology means and how it can affect how you live) but equal.

We also talk about respect, boundaries and consent.

Which sounds like I drill them! We just discuss it when something comes up. I have no idea how much they take in though.

I know what you mean Geoff.. I've struggled with that one too - I remember one occasion when DS was climbing trees in the park with a couple of little girls from his class, and one said to me (very proudly) "I don't like girl stuff, only boy stuff" (which was pretty much me at that age).

In that respect I think it's easier parenting a boy - I could give him the "girl" stuff (my old dolls' house, a toy kitchen) without worrying about him internalising a message about "and this is the only stuff you should play with" (which is a worry with girls).

I stuck to a "no girls/boys toys, just stuff you like/aren't interested in" line (with a side order of "some toys are intrinsically better toys - I know this is bright and shiny and advertised on TV, but how long will you be able to play with this before you get bored?"

For me the traditional toys coded "girl" which are worthwhile are the ones that open up a child's imagination (dolls houses) or open the way to creativity (toy kitchens and an interest in cokery, sewing kits and a whole range of craft products). The crap ones are typically the ones that push messages about personal attractiveness being the be all and end all.

(Ditto "boys" toys - the good ones encourage creativity, construction and engineering skills, outdoors adventurousness, which should be encouraged in both sexes, the crap ones are the mindless destruction ones).

The bottom line is that we have to flag up the reality of sexism and structural inequality to our kids without disheartening girls and demonising or inadvertently further entitling boys. It is so difficult. I do many of the things above but also feel out of my depth, OP.

The extra level that I know I struggle with is, that by heavily emphasising 'boy' stuff with my DD to balance out the message she is getting from society, I worry that I am adding to the 'girly is bad' message!!

DS has long hair and has had trouble with name calling using 'girl' as a derogatory comment so I used the how ridiculous approach with that as in why on earth would anyone use girl as an insult there's nothing bad about girls is there!!?

I just need to constantly watch myself to make sure I am not constantly devaluing the girl toys / clothes / colours.

Although when I looked at DDs birthday gifts from the in-laws I nearly cried - a styling head thing, a doll and several outfits to dress her up in and some jewellery

Language is important - "drama llama" instead of "drama queen", expunging "throw like a girl", "man up" from the phrasebook.

Totally agree about being relaxed about pink and sparkles. (I think the thing to be zero tolerance on is sexualised clothes - but I'm pretty sure that one's obvious to anyone posting here).

I don't remember having to do much explicitly. It doubtless helped that DH and I are both scientists, I write software from home so DD was never going to think 'girls can't' on that front. She had a range of toys of course, did a range of activities, clothes selected from any kids aisle (she went right off pale pink after climbing the Yorkshire 3 peaks over a couple of weekends when she was 6 in pink trousers and realising that mud stains don't come out easily.) . From about 3 she said she was going to be a 'builder' - she meant 'someone who builds things' ie an engineer. Her year 1 teacher told her 'girls can't be builders' ... DD was outraged at this stupidity! I guess she learned clearly from that incident that just because someone (even an authority figure, let alone a peer) asserts something doesn't make it true.

I'm not sure how much it's nature and how much nurture, but I'm sure it helps if they're more of a goat than a sheep - confident to be themselves.

It is a relief to see some posters use the 'does that need a penis?"/'will a penis get in the way of that?' lines. I do that, but was a bit embarrassed to admit it.

I am also clear that there are biological differences. So DS(6) knows he cannot have a baby - and I overheard him telling a friend that.

I have found that once you start pointing out things, children start noticing things for themselves. DD thinks it is unfair that the women on Strictly have to wear high heels but the men don't. DD has asked why there aren't as many female characters on various shows he watches - I'm particularly looking at you PawPatrol.

I do lots of the above. Mine are a bit older and encourage them to call it when they see it. Adverts, films etc then praise them when they do. We also talk about tokenism, sexualisation of women (in particular women of colour). We look at the make up of parliament, CEOs, rich lists, sports etc We also discuss why this has happened and how it could change.

I've used the same as cuckoo, asking about why having a penis is important.

Mine is 10, I encouraged her to look at boys t shirts for example when we are shopping. She was so shocked at how much cooler they were.

I think it's a combination of batting back the stereotypes as you go, and opening their eyes to the social conditioning they are subjected to.

I’m very blunt with both my dd9 and ds5. If they say “girls can’t do that” I say “why? does it require a penis?” Get the dc to justify their assertion. Depending on the individual, it can lead to a discussion of why we might have been lead to believe that some activities are for boys and some for girls.
I’m a secondary school teacher and use the exact same approach with teenagers.

My DD is 12.

I try to use non gendered language (eg don't automatically refer to a doctor as he if you don't know their sex). Horrid Henry books are really good for this, and your DD is just the right age for them.

I encourage my DD to do sport (as opposed to activities such as dance or drama), as I'm hoping that will do more to promote a can-do attitude and a view of her body as strong and healthy rather than thin and pretty. At the moment she is very keen on netball, but in the past has done swimming / tennis / tag rugby.

I try to explain feminist issues in simple, factual terms and not to bang on about them. Kids are usually very hot on 'fairness' as that's something they can easily relate to, so that can be a better word than 'equality'.

My DD likes wearing belly tops etc. Personally that doesn't bother me at all - it's her body and she can wear whatever clothes she likes and feels comfortable in. I don't think of it as a sexualised thing because it's not to her.

The book Girls can do Anything is great for younger ones. And a good conversation starter for older ones

DS (7) was educated on the suffragette movement at the last election using the “ridiculous” approach outlined by a Pp. He’s well versed on “mummy, that’s silly, there is only one girl in Go Jetters/Octonauts” type thing and often points it out. He has also heard me say to people offering “boys” or “girls” things something like “oh, is it for putting on their penises”. I have no shame, at the moment I’m just making him laugh, will consider if this embarrasses him as we get older.

I wouldn't worry about the pink glittery stage. At 6 my DD loved it, at 9 she is complaining about the lack of choice for girls who don't want pink clothes!

Brain dump here too. I have 4 and 6yo girls

I find I have to be careful not to demonise the pink and make it forbidden fruit! My approach is that for school shoes etc it has to be comfortable (otherwise boys are getting an advantage aged 4!) but for parties, t shirts etc, whatever they want.

I've found cbeebies really good too, Catie's amazing machines has a female rally driver, bits and bobs the engineer, Maddy's science program. We're also really lucky to know scientists and doctors who are women so I really push hard the career options open to them. I take them to science fairs and they currently (both girls) want to be astronauts and pilots.
My 6 year old corrected her teacher the other day when she described something as 'girly' ☺️. She says we should just put all the 'boys' stuff /girls' stuff in the bin! '

The only thing I'm clear on is they know only women can have babies.

Also as an aside, I showed my 6 year old the faces of the new Victoria secret ad and she picked out the male in seconds. I guess we are hard wired to identify sex!

A little sumptuary law history can be entertaining.

I've always stated that there are no such things as boy's or girl's toys/clothes/hobbies/personalities/jobs/etc. That people used to think that there were, but these days most people knew better. Although there were still some people that still believed such things, which is why sometimes silly things were said.

It clearly has gone in based on a conversation we had the other day. The subject of pantomime dames came up. I started to explain that the tradition was one a man wearing women's clothes...

DD(8) interrupted me with a stern look.
"Mummy, there is no such thing as women's clothes"

Yes - correct any "girls can't do X" as soon as they happen. Google images is very helpful for immediately delivering lots of women doing X.

Also - no boy or girl toys, just toys you find fun and toys you're not that bothered by.

Also by this age children have a well developed sense of fairness (albeit one often invoked selectively to their own advantage) so lots of "do you think it's fair that girls sometimes get told they can't do this/have to do that?"

Do the things she is being told "girls can't".
I had sons and grandsons and for them seeing me do the things "girls can't" is the reason they never pretend to be shocked when girls can.

I was at my cousin's about 10 years ago when I heard her grandson coming up the hallway chanting "girls can't" over and over again. He needed to believe it so badly he chanted it.

I have 7 year old who loves glitter, unicorn and all things pink- most of her friend are the same.
We’ve had lots of conversations over the last year or two about why she thinks there are things only boys can do, again peer pressure they repeat what they hear.
We all watched the Womens World Cup as a family and regularly cheer on women athletics and tennis finals, commenting on the strength of the athletes and how hard they train to earn their places.
We also talk about her future in terms of her choices: if she wants a family, if she chooses to get married to balance the narrative she is fed elsewhere.
I’ve steered clear of Disney and fairytales as much as possible; I really don’t like the messages in stories such as Beauty and the Beast, The Frog Prince etc.
We have the Great Women books too. She was flicking through the history one today and took A Vindication of The Rights of Woman from the bookshelf fit a flick through. Does she understand any of it? Definitely not, but an interest is enough for me right now.
She is aware of the difference between gender vs sex though- we’ve definitely had that talk 😀