Famous men and surrogacy

Also doesn't from a evolutionary point of view this mean that women can now become similar to men? Able to pass on their genetic inheritance at far less personal cost.

But gamete donation is still much more invasive and stressful for women than it is for men.

And it's still going to have to be a woman who carries and births the child.

Does anyone else start to think that egg donation might not be a very good idea?

The more I think about surrogacy the less sure I feel about it.

To me being a mother is about three things, the genetic inheritance, the pregnancy and birth of the child, and bringing the child up.

There has always been the possibility because of death in childbirth or some other reason that a different woman would need to become a child's mother from the woman who gave birth to that child.

However the split between the genetic inheritance and the pregnancy and birth is new. I don't think we are prepared for it psychologically.

A lot of the discussion in the thread is about what make you a mother. The genetic inheritance or growing and birthing the child. I can't help feeling that the same person really ought to be doing both.

Also doesn't from a evolutionary point of view this mean that women can now become similar to men? Able to pass on their genetic inheritance at far less personal cost.

You sound like you have a strong friendship with the men you are having a baby for Surro are you going to be involved in the child's life and do you intend for the child to be in your children's lives?

As the men had an egg from another woman did you have to take anti-rejection drugs as your body recognised the embryo as a foreign body?

Genuine questions.

Hi surro, thanks for sticking around in the conversation. We may vehemently disagree on this issue but I hope you have a healthy pregnancy. How many weeks are you?

Can I ask, were you friends with the intended parents before the context of surrogacy was introduced?

It’s not hallmark stuff, it’s what I feel as a person makes a mother.

It's not about 'feelings' though is it? Lots of people can show love and guidance towards a child. Only one person gestates and gives birth to a child, and that person is the mother.

To repeat, if you aren't that child's mother, you would not be entitled to maternity leave. However, you are, so you are.

I’m just giving birth to my friends child because unfortunately they weren’t born with vaginas

That's hardly 'unfortunate', is it? 50% of the world have vaginas, 50% don't. Only the former can be mothers.

Giving up my own child is illegal, which I’m not doing.

Really? So the birth cert won't name you as the child's mother? Who will it name?

@IcedPurple It’s not hallmark stuff, it’s what I feel as a person makes a mother. And as I have said previously we all have our own views which without those boards & threads like this wouldn’t exist!

I’m really not living in some parallel universe, in which I have made this up so I can give up my own child. Giving up my own child is illegal, which I’m not doing. I’m just giving birth to my friends child because unfortunately they weren’t born with vaginas 🤷🏽‍♀️

Love, guidance & nurturing makes a mother

Absolutely

But so does giving birth

I also know a woman who has been a surrogate, altruistically for a friend

yes me too. she's a good person who makes good decisions and I have a great deal of respect for her. but I think in that decision she was seriously mistaken

@FannyCann I know this, and yes I understand this. However when the PO is granted, legally I no longer will be.

Love, guidance & nurturing makes a mother.

No it doesn't. That's Hallmark card talk. Look up the definition of 'mother'.

Just because you birth a baby, it does not automatically make you their mother (in my case)

Actually, it does. You may later give up your legal rights as mother if you so choose, but the woman who gives birth to a child is without doubt its mother.

You are living in a parallel reality you have created for yourself in order to justify giving up your own child.

@NotTonightJosepheen no sorry, I’ve been busy. With work, cooking dinner & my children. Sorry I couldn’t get back to you sooner. Life simply got in the way.

Quite simply in response to your point about me being the mother @BernardBlacksWineIceLolly & @IcedPurple blood, genes, biology does make a mother or father to that point.
Love, being there, raising a child makes a parent. So yes every woman who has given birth to a child through donor eggs, when they love & raise that child - that makes them a mother. A woman who has adopted a baby from birth, a child from a young age etc... they are a mother too. They raise that child/baby. Just because you birth a baby, it does not automatically make you their mother (in my case)

Love, guidance & nurturing makes a mother.

As others have pointed out, like it or not Surro you are/will be the legal mother. You have to register the birth and your name will be on the birth certificate.

I'm curious to know if those of you who have voiced such anti-Surrogacy views, have ever actually met a surrogate, or met parents whose child has been born through surrogacy, or indeed an actual person who was born through surrogacy?

Yes I know a lovely couple whose much longed for child was born through surrogacy, from what I understand there is an ongoing relationship with the birth mother. I also know a woman who has been a surrogate, altruistically for a friend, and describes it as a very positive experience. I’m glad for their happiness but it does not change my views which are informed by my own experience as an adopted child, my work with children experiencing difficulties with attachment, and my fears for the potential for exploitation.

That is how your newborn baby will see it

god, I find that heart breaking

Also, you haven't told me how you would describe a woman who becomes pregnant via doner egg with the intention of keeping the baby.

Would you be prepared to tell that woman to her face that she is not that baby's mother? Because going by your logic, you would have to.

@icedpurple because I am carrying a child, which I will birth.

In other words, you are that child's mother.

That is how your newborn baby will see it.

That is how the law sees it.

That is why you're entitled to maternity leave. The clue's in the name. Last time I checked, Zanussi fan assisteds weren't eligible.

@icedpurple because I am carrying a child, which I will birth.

On the process, Jake added: “[It’s] terrifying. All our friends are trying and we can’t try. So we are in this sort of weird space of hoping that some kind stranger, who will hopefully become a friend, will come to us and say ‘I would like to work with you and I would like to help you’.
It is the ultimate gift, I can’t imagine anything more selfless than wanting to give someone the joy of a child, which is something I’ve wanted for so many years.”*

It's all about them isn't it?

Women and babies exist - or can be brought into existence - purely and solely to pander to their selfish desires. Twats.

And to answer the question someone asked about maternity leave etc... I will be leaving work at 38 weeks

I don't understand why you are eligible for maternity leave though. What with you not being the mother and all.

• and trans women, wanting to be mothers.

AliasGrape

It’s not my child

thank god, the law begs to differ

the baby's mother, repeatedly denying that she is their mother