Famous men and surrogacy

But why would we want to do this on purpose?

Exactly. And this is the response to all the "whataboutery" relating to adoption, illness, PND and any number of other things that may interfere with bonding/attachment.

I think as well we need to think not just about the attachment at the moment of birth between mother and child but what comes afterwards.

Pregnancy and birth physically prime the bonding process between mother and child. I am sure there are many women who had plans about routines etc from reading books only to find they had an absolutely visceral reaction to their baby's cry complete with milk suddenly drenching their shirt. I couldn't leave mine even with their father to pop to the shops for the first few weeks as I felt like something was missing.

I have a husband who is a very caring and involved father but I would say our children were around a year when the father child bond started to approach the mother child bond in strength.

Perhaps it's this delay in attachment that could cause problems. Obviously there are cases of delay in the attachment forming between mother and baby like illness or post natal depression. But why would we want to do this on purpose?

Anyone supporting surrogacy is ignorant of realities that really need shoving down their throats before such a grave undertaking is taken so lightly.

Poor poor babies, traded. Shame on the states legalising baby trade.

It's hard to believe.

How great the U S of A is, once again leading the progessive way. sarcastic obvs

Shame on them. This all gets paid for in the long run, in people's lives.

@TruthOnTrial

I agree. Even if the kid seems 'fine' with being told that her mother is pregnant with a baby in exactly the same way she was once pregnant with her - except that this time she's going to give the baby away - who knows how that might affect her deep down?

But who cares about the children eh? Either those who already exist or those being brought into existence to satisfy the selfish desires of adults. It's all about them.

Oh dear.

I missed the bit where a mother tells her babies that she gives her babies away to friends.

How extremely unsettling for her own dc. That she might just as easily give them away

Very stupid and naïve explanation to a 6 yo.

Laydeees indeed

There is something about choosing surrogacy over adoption isn't there?

As my sister's MIL put it "Would you not look at surrogacy so it would at least be one of yours?" (ie her son's sperm would be used). Apart from the biological input there is a naive and mis-informed view that surrogacy is less problematic than adoption because you're getting a newborn and not an older baby or toddler. So of course it will be fine, no attachment issues, no questions about your parents, just a blank slate. And if you're doing it in a country where there's no proper framework then the irritating administration, vetting and legalities of adoption can be avoided.

It makes me so angry on so many levels.

There is something about choosing surrogacy over adoption isn't there?

Is it cheaper, easier, are there fewer restrictions imposed? Fewer hoops to jump through? Looser laws?

Why can't adoption be the main route considered for couples who cannot conceive or birth a baby? Goodness knows there isn't a shortage of unloved, unwanted children in this world.

Surro's mates moved countries so their situation changed but still surrogacy was what they chose.

Where on earth were the 'boys' living that make adopting difficult because of their sexuality? Not an issue in the UK or Ireland. Adoption is very difficult in Ireland but not because of sexual orientation.

It’s very simple
“Mummy why don’t The Boys” have children?”
“Because only women can grow and give birth to a baby sweetheart “
(But dont worry as Mummy is planning to sell them one)

There were no sly digs it was queried outright based on your assertions of steings of qualifications. Nothing sly about it at all. The thread is all about surrogacy. You raised that you have a string of qualifications which isn't synoymous with poor written english. Which is what was pointed out.

Your posts are littered with crying laughing emojis, I ve seen nothing to be crying laughing over^

Nothing.

I don’t know if any of you think I’m not reading your posts/replies on here. But I am whilst respectfully taking them in

Noone is saying you are not reading. I really don't think you have taken in the gravity of the effects on babies of trwating them like a commodity and how selfish and damaging that is.

I can't blame you. I wouldn't want to hear that either having made your decision. I think its deluded, or at best naïve, to believe babies can be blithely treated like senseless objects and that no harm comes from this behaviour on the infant and its its development long term.

It is reminding me of another thread where a poster talked at length about “surrobubs” 🤢 . I have seen in other situations that cutesy , babyish language is used to cover up deeply unpleasant things, like air freshener in a stinking room .

As a pp has just said, babies know their mothers, and we, as mothers know our babies. We know each other on a primal level, because we have been one and the same body. When sleeping with my babies, I would wake as they awoke to feed, before they made a noise, my sleeping body still linked with theirs. In fact I still can’t sleep if my dd can’t sleep, even though she sleeps in the room above me. When heavily pregnant for the first time, I could feel my daughter thinking.

The court case above is heartbreaking to read, and reminds me of a male couple, friends of my friend, who chose a specific poverty ridden country for their surrogate, because it was “the cheapest”.

As I said I am being treated the same as another other woman in the company who was or is for that matter pregnant.

These women are usually known as 'mothers'.

ladies

I see a (respectful, LOL) flounce is in order.

We know that adopted people suffer disproportionately from identity formation and/or attachment issues. Same with children who have been brought up by kinship carers.

This happens regardless of when and how the child was told and how loving and supportive the home they were brought up in. And these are situations where there wasn't a choice of being brought up by birth parents.

Surrogates aren't doing a wonderful thing for the babies they give birth to.

Babies are not products.

I don’t know if any of you think I’m not reading your posts/replies on here. But I am whilst respectfully taking them in.

But honestly I really did think this was a board/thread about views on surrogacy, NOT how I articulate or write? I do indeed have a string of qualifications & to slyly make a dig saying my written English isn’t up to scratch is a tad too personal for my liking.

To set the record straight, I am not management within the company I work for. I am however employed in a “senior” position. This hasn’t just given me a “golden path” to skip down to complete this journey. I haven’t had any favours, nor have I asked for any. As I said I am being treated the same as another other woman in the company who was or is for that matter pregnant.

I am now politely bidding you ladies a good day, I have genuinely enjoyed reading your thoughts & views on surrogacy. Not everyone thinks or feels the same, I simply joined this thread to give a point of view.

Take care & have a wonderful week.

Its also interesting that the couple who will have Surro a baby now live in the UK so adoption would not be an issue, did they move whilst you were pregnant or trying to get pregnant Surro? I ask as it seems this was a recent change and they may have other reasons for not adopting now that they love somewhere where they can adopt as same sex couple?

Also, more questions, is there any insurance or compensation if you have a complicated birth or suffer a birth injury? I imagine, as your work is understanding and supportive, you can take time off but are your friends going to pay you for earnings lost in this circumstance? Will your husband will be home to care for your children whilst you give birth or will he be with you and your friends will babysit your daughters?

Far from it being altruistic and generous, its entirely selfish.

Does anyone give a damn about the baby in all this?

Everyone busy talking about money, and work, and wills, and lovely friends, fanatasy land.

Put the baby front and centre. This is about babies, and their needs. Their needs are not best met this way.

That we can all surely agree on.

It doesn't meet the best needs of a woman to go through conception, pregnancy and childbirth, breastfeeding, with all the inherent risks either.

I have no mind to listen to menz complaining 'its so sad we can't have babies'. (we are on the hunt for any handmaidens to exploit, as we know they can give us what we want)

The statement about a £1,000 cap, says it all really.

There you have the attitude. Its not about what you say, but what you do. Thats the value placed right there £1,000 cap.

Me too. It's an awfully Hallmark-based narrative for all these complexities that are gradually being revealed.

Yup. Not only have all her pregnancies been absolutely delightful, her existing children are absolutely thrilled with the news and her colleagues totally enthusiastic about her taking time off on maternity leave (although she claims not to be a mother to this child) for a child she is going to give away. Positively smashing!

Almost as good as the 'surro' who came on to tell us that her neighbours broke down in tears when told of the wonderful, selfless thing she was doing....

What rings loud and clear in all this Hallmark-infused kumbaya stuff is that the actual baby and its needs are the last thoughts in anybody's minds. I find it vile.

I have to say I find the psychological disassociate of surrogate mothers troubling when they say they are not the mother of a child they have given birth to.

I just think of adoptive children who are rejected by birth mothers and the impact that has on them.

To say you are point blank not the mother in any sense isnt something I can get my head around. That's worse than saying I was their birth mother, but legally and socially I'm not their mother and never will be.

It just smacks of an abdication of responsibility that still remains whether you like it or not, because 'reality'.

And yes that might mean you get children with an egg mother, a birth mother and a legal mother. To say acknowledging that is unimportant is to disregard how any surrogate child might feel in time. Its like the child's long term feelings are totally irrelevant and unimportant. And that I dislike intensely.

Surro had me until he/she mentioned the open door policy with her manager and her being a senior manager, who just happens to also take time out to be a surrogate for her gay best friends

Quite the workplace!

So to answer your question - there will be no problem when Brexit (finally) gets sorted.

snorts

There's optimism for ya