Very interesting, and very brave of Freddie to expose themselves to scrutiny in this way.
Most new parents are naive, in the extreme, until confronted with the very visceral reality of pregnancy, childbirth and an actual living child.
Interesting how much effect stopping hormones ( testosterone) had. I felt that Freddie, for a large part, was trying, desperately, to separate from the experience, hence feeling like an alien ( I think we can all relate to that if we have been pregnant, though). However, there was the extra burden of trying to maintain his 'hard' 'masculine' self - in the face of the overwhelming soft surrender of pregnancy - and the whole process of ante-natal care, in which your body is no longer your own.
The birthing was powerful and there was such a strong bond with the child. Shame that there were no breasts to suckle......The fact that Freddie was going to start on testosterone immediately is a concern, I feel. I do think that this may impinge on the strong bond that s/he feels for her child; and once again insert hardness/boundary/separation.
i can't help but wonder whether Freddie will eventually end up de-transitioning, or else if the grandmother will end up, effectively, bringing up the child. The dissonance of maternal instinct and feeling set against a determination to be 'male' - and all that suggested about exterior focus and separation from feeling.
Being a single parent is not the easiest thing in the world either. and a child searches for and needs a mother, as well as a father. Does Freddie really want to be a father, when the instincts scream 'mother'.
I'm worried about taking up testosterone once more.