I made a gross and vile comment, please can someone explain why I was gross and vile?

What else do you call someone who goes after underage girls then?

I think those men know exactly how old the girls they prey on are, and they take advantage of the fact that some girls are desperate to appear, be, older than they are and dress and act accordingly.

I agree this is a thing. I agree it's despicable. But it is not indicative of being a paedophile.

She said she was 16. How was I to know?

Given pubs and clubs ID anyone who looks under 25, the only under 16s in the work place would be work experience, they must go out of their way to avoid meeting people old enough. Chatting up groups of kids in skate parks or something.

Course they bloody know.

“She said she was 16. How was I to know?”

Ick Ick Ick Ick.

I can see where you are coming from. My friends daughter has a profile pic in which she does actually resemble a sex doll facially. I find it unnerving. Still as a teenager I wore skirts so short if I lifted my arms you'd see my knickers, and lace tops so not really in a place to judge 😁

thinking their victim is an adult - oh, I think those men know exactly how old the girls they prey on are, and they take advantage of the fact that some girls are desperate to appear, be, older than they are and dress and act accordingly.

I don't like the word trashy and your wording wasn't appropriate for the age of girls being discussed.

That said I have seen late teens / early twenties with fillers in lips or that overdone lipstick and they literally look like inflatable sex doll mouths. To me it's just more normalising of porn culture and I detest it. I don't make assumptions about their sexual behaviour (not my business) but I do look at them and feel sorry for them if I'm honest. What they see as just a sexy trend I see as them swallowing misogynistic ideas about beauty - that they are literally a walking variety of orifices to be filled.

Maybe I'm just an old gimmer.

The point is it's the age old "defence" isn't.

Never mind that out of the 750 school girls in their uniform they ogle daily none of which could be 16 because well then they would be in the 6th firm then and they wear office wear not uniform .....

Many jobs have spotting people and Iding people who are underage as a huge part of them. Yet despite spending 35 hours a week making sure you dont break the law we are also supposed to believe men cant spot a 14 year old

To be clear my reply was to Sarah. I don't think a 16 year old is a child.

Not sure what point you are making. A 16 year old is not a child.

Mumsnet is obsessed by extended childhood. Children acquire legal rights and responsibilities at various ages through life. At 16 one can leave school, leave home and get married (in Scotland without parental permission) I was still at school when several of my peers were already married.

If someone who sexually abuses a minor does so knowing they are a child, they are probably a paedophile. If they do it thinking that their victim is an adult, they are probably not a paedophile. It's an abhorrent crime in either case.

being aroused by someone who looks like an adult is the opposite of paedophilia, which is a paraphilia about pre-pubescent bodies, not adult or adolescent ones

I thought she was 16 your honor

I assumed that the "children" in the quote referred to both pre-adolescent children and adolescents.

So you don’t consider adolescents to be children?

Still waiting for @bunslinger?

Sorry to keep you waiting! The comment I originally disagreed with was: "Getting a stiffy over children is paedo behaviour regardless of whT they wear."

Sexual arousal is often involuntary; I don't think it falls into the category of what we we usually call 'behaviour'. Paedophile behaviour would be things like seeking out sexualized images of children or encouraging children to behave in sexualized ways.

But even if we do consider sexual arousal to be behaviour, being aroused by someone who looks like an adult is the opposite of paedophilia, which is a paraphilia about pre-pubescent bodies, not adult or adolescent ones.

I haven't read the other thread. And don't fully know context.

I fundamentally believe that women should be allowed to dress as they please without being at risk or judged. However I am not a fan of the trends towards increasing amounts of plastic surgery and looks that emulate porn star imagery. And I'm concerned that independence and equality - take me seriously and appreciate my intellectual equity is not expressed in more fuck off rather fuck me looks. That's my personal opinion.

However I do not believe that most young people dress like Kardashians. My DD and her friends eschew heels, wear trainers, and often wear over- sized make sweatshirts and trackies. Yes they live their eyebrows and make up but also thry have lots of piercings and a few tattoos, and lots of quirky and crazy looks. They do not have lashings of fake tan, Botox, filler etc or stagger around in skin right leatherette mini dresses and heels.

So we shouldn't assume that because there's a trend in the media for the Kardashians and love islanders that that is what most young women copy or aspire to. We should celebrate their diversity and individuality, the fun they take in fashion but not trash talk them like misogynists and judges.

😴 Marguerita

Still waiting for @bunslinger?

“The comment was horrible.“

Of course it was.

I agree with the Navigator. The comment was horrible. It doesn't become less horrible because the OP comes over here with wide- eyed naivety of "poor me what did I do wrong ?"

And pota no one appointed you thread monitor.

“Yup, a woman who thinks it is wrong to insult girls for not covering themselves up sufficiently clearly has no place on the Feminism board.”
Isn’t it rather the point of the thread that they shouldn’t be insulted?

TheNavigator maybe head back to AIBU. Not sure this is your scene.

Yup, a woman who thinks it is wrong to insult girls for not covering themselves up sufficiently clearly has no place on the Feminism board.

And it also ticks me off that the boys in the school are expected to somehow not notice the hyper-sexualisation and connection to porn and somehow, even though they are also kids, it's not supposed to affect them when they see all the young women around them performing that - in fact its somehow their fault if they are

They can notice. Of course they can, how could they not? Does noticing, however, give them free reign to make lewd comments, touch them inappropriately, assume they are ‘fair game’, call them slags?

TheNavigator maybe head back to AIBU. Not sure this is your scene.

Self identifying 'feminists' who like to make cats bum faces at teenage girls for not dressing modestly enough are the most pathetic.