In support of Amy Dyess

So the nail that sticks up (Amy in this case) gets hammered down.

Yes.

I do see why she is upset. I think Charlie is brave and I think the only way that this mess will be resolved is if people are allowed to hear the voices of detransitioners. But I agree with Amy that it’s only a year since Charlie tried to throw lesbians under the bus publicly. We’re talking about adults here, not teenagers. It would be good if people would do a bit of research, think a little critically and maybe not jump on the idiotic ‘TERFs are Nazi scum and should all die’ bandwagon and use other women as a way of virtue signalling. Same to the droves of academics (nearly overwhelmingly young-ish, white, middle class, heterosexual women) who block their colleagues on social media, often without ever having interacted with them. I have never made my GC views public yet I am blocked by loads of them. But the whole thing is pathetic. Maybe in the future, some of these women will realise that what they did was wrong and misogynistic. I’m not so sure I would welcome any apology with open arms. They can fuck off for all I care. And that’s why I understand where Amy is coming from. At the same time, I think it is good that Charlie spoke out and I don’t want her to feel alienated so that she goes back to being a TRA. But she’s still an adult who made a conscious decision to publicly throw lesbians under the bus last year.

I respect and support Amy. She unapologetically centres lesbians. She has a right to define her own boundaries.

I also respect and support the young detrans women and what they did.

GC feminism is full of female-socialised people. Many of us are very uncomfortable with conflict. We want everyone to “be nice” and “get along.” We want people to put their individual needs behind what is best for the group as a whole.

It can be distressing to see women being (in our eyes) “unsupportive” to other women - to see conflict play out in public. So the nail that sticks up (Amy in this case) gets hammered down.

TRA is dominated by male-socialised people. They have no such compunctions. They also exploit our female socialisation ruthlessly.

You watch - any relatively civil disagreement, will be dramatised by them as GCF “tearing each other part (omg!).”

Meanwhile they merrily rip into non-compliant trans people (“fucking cis bootlickers!” etc) and we don’t comment. We’ve been socialised not to interfere in male disputes (unless doing so will benefit males).

I've read her twitter feed but I don't fully get what the argument is about tbh.

With a huge amount of the people working publicly as GC activists or in GC activist groups I constantly feel like there's a back story I don't understand. I do my best to post here when I can, stay up to date, write to my MP etc, but I'm very much a fringe character. I'm late to the party in that I only delurked a few months back, I'm not on Twitter or Spinster, and I don't know about any of the dramas until they spill onto FWR.

I appreciate that the "leaders" and the big names in the GC movement are strong characters with clear but often very different visions. I think we need all of those conflicting opinions to keep the movement fresh. Amy's vision is clearly that she centres lesbians above all else in this battle, and that's a great thing because those voices will get lost without people like her. Other's centre detransitioners because they want to encourage more people to break free, and that's important too. It's all important, but not everything can be centered all the time, so conflict is inevitable. We need people to call each other out and challenge each other to keep the movement honest and focused. But as a fringe character in all this, it is alienating to hear about the various dramas without understanding the back stories. It definitely feels a bit "in group" at times. And personally if I was a bit vaguer on what's actually going on politically, it would also make me question the credibility of the movement to see so many dramas being played out so publicly so often. I see these storms raging on twitter, and then out in the real world I see nothing, no change, no sign anything's wrong. If I hadn't also read things like the Get The L Out report and the heartbreaking stories of detransitioners and the terrible things going on in places like prisons and crisis shelters, I'd question sometimes whether it's all just lots of noise online.

I also really dislike being involved in any group drama as I always seem to get forced into a mediator role and end up performing lots of emotional labour in those dynamics, so it definitely limits how active I feel willing to be about going to protests/ meetups etc. Anyway I'm just rambling now. I think everyone should be able to say what they want and speak their truth, be angry, offend people, whatever. I'd never try and tell people to behave differently, be nicer, swallow their feelings etc. But the constant dramas do make me personally want to take a step back and be more of a lurker than a contributor.

(When I say vulnerable, I mean to genderism, not to imply weakness on the part of the women.)

I'm glad Charlie and others feel more comfortable with who they are and are desisting. I think desisters need to be seen and heard so people see that it happens, see that its ok to desist, to try and stop young people being pushed down a dangerous pathway to medicalisation and mutilation

So am I and yes, it is.

But this does not negate Amy's point.

There are many groups of vulnerable women and all must be properly heard and none must speak for others - our own enthusiasm to support destransitioners, needed though it is, mustn't end up further invisibilising lesbians.

I think we probably may need to stop recoiling when a woman expresses anger.

Yes, having read her (Amy's) timeline, I agree with you.

I'm v glad detransitioners are coming forward, but a person like Amy is entitled to her opinion.

I respect Amy and she has a right to her opinion.

I'm glad Charlie and others feel more comfortable with who they are and are desisting. I think desisters need to be seen and heard so people see that it happens, see that its ok to desist, to try and stop young people being pushed down a dangerous pathway to medicalisation and mutilation.