Would I be happier if I'd never visited this board?

OP I don’t know anyone who believes twaw, I thought it was just something people say to be polite.

Very few TW seem to unpack their male socialisation, so I find that talking to or organising with them tends to feel the way it does with males. Not bad or different - just not like a woman’s space. So I do understand how you feel

Have you maybe considered that it could be you who’s wrong? Rather than every other person you know?

Your kids will likely grow out of it, especially your daughter. I was also a fun feminist til I grew the fuck up.

Your husband just doesn't need to worry about anything cos nothing will change for him. Bit shit but that's how most people are.

Weird that the 90's is considered "forever"!

@RosaWaiting.
I agree that many get confused by the word salad and last week I had a YouTuber arguing that a trans woman was FtM. There was no point in saying more than I already had and that trans woman indicated transitioned into woman and vice versa.
It maybe worth checking with your Dh that he's got it the right way round.

Sorry - missed your post TirisfalPumpkin and yes to everything you said.

Not trying to go along with the demands of boys who have been brought up on a diet of increasingly extreme porn.

Yep, exactly. Guess this is all about queering society. I mean yeah let’s push the more extreme sex acts on to a younger and younger demographic. And most YA don’t want to talk to their parents about ‘vanilla’ sex, so they’re hardly going to ask if rectal tears and bleeding is a ok.

GirlDownUnder yeah I agree. It’s inappropriate. Also, anal is largely about the other male person’s pleasure. Any young woman having sex should be thinking about what she wants and is comfortable with in the first instance. Not trying to go along with the demands of boys who have been brought up on a diet of increasingly extreme porn.

The opinion wasn’t ‘is anal sex good or bad or normal.

“anal sex, and its inclusion in a teen magazine”

My emphasis.

How old is a teen? 13 and up. So no, anal is not ok.

Teens who are ‘legal’ should be learning about consent, safe sex, boundaries, respect. Not that anal is the norm. and that a partner will expect it; It can be very damaging.

Hello, I'm a heterosexual woman and my partner of 28 years and I have never had anal sex. Nor am I ever going to have anal sex with anyone.

I was in my late teens in the early 90s, though mostly at university rather than school. We did have one conversation about anal sex to my memory and the unanimous verdict from all the women was 'hell to the no'.

It has never been considered a 'normal part of heterosexual relationships' amongst my social circles.

Also since when were either anal or oral sex 'positions'? The missionary position is a position. The reverse cowboy is a position. Anal/oral are activities that some people may enjoy and others don't bother with at all, I've never thought of them as 'positions'.

Weird segue from how anal is normal to how women just love watching porn.

Not a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people, but no, my immediate social circle don’t seem to be into watching women of unknown trafficked status get exploited on camera or take it up the derrière. Since I’m quite young, I wonder if I have the soul of an old un-fun prude. The kind who is very unhappy to read about teenage girls with life-changing injuries from rough multiple-partner anal sex.

OldCrone LOL. Yeah I mean I am not that old but I know several heterosexual friends who have never had anal sex. There are even gay male couples who don’t have anal sex.
At the same time, I realise that the ‘anal sex = baaaad’ is prime fodder for the idiots who think that we are all from the religious right and want to make everyone into a traditional wife. I think it’s fine if you want to do it. But I am not dumb enough to not realise that the drive for anal sex comes from men. It doesn’t really do much for the majority of women and it is more risky in terms of injuries. It’s also probably not great for inexperienced teens, which is why there has been an increase in injuries requiring medical treatment. So promoting anal is not quite as enlightened as the woke crew seem to think- it’s largely pandering to men’s pleasure. But then again, I missed the memo that feminism now means putting men first, always.

I don't know any couple - married or defacto, who haven't tried it at least once.

Just out of interest, how does this conversation come about with, say, your boss or your elderly aunt and uncle? I can't imagine discussing this with anyone other than a very close friend. But maybe I'm just old and out of touch.

I agree with your entire post OP bar this: "If I question the normalisation of anal sex, and its inclusion in a teen magazine, she says I'm oppressing girls and women."

Anal sex has been going on between women and men said age dot. It is just a position like oral sex. It is normal and has been normal for decades and decades. I don't know any couple - married or defacto, who haven't tried it at least once. It has been a part of heterosexuality for many decades, even before being gay was decriminalised. Girls tallked about it at school openly in the early 90s. There was even an early 90s pop song that mentioned anal sex. Could have been Salt ' n Pepper or some rapping/hiphop group, I forget who. Before gay marriage was even imagined by anyone. As for porn, we used to watch porn in the '90s and there used to be a magazine in my country aimed at women that had full frontal 'half mast' pics of men. Then there is Sexpo and encouraging women to enjoy sex and feel confident, and includes porn for women to watch, and vibrators etc.
It's not like back when porn was only for men. More and more women admit to watching porn. It's not something we should be shamed for. Anal sex has been a normal part of society for decades, so the horse has well and truly bolted on that. So, I really don't get your point. You can't 'normalise' something that has already been normalised before many of us were born.

Have a great holiday OP. I deleted the Mumsnet app from my phone and concentrated on reading books for my holiday. It's very restful to step away, and from the news generally, for a while.

Hi, I just wanted to say that up until recently I thought that adults transitioning was a positive thing, each to their own, progress etc. I am a 40 something educated Northern woman. Reading boards like this has really opened my eyes and you are right it's really frightening. I would never have seen it as threatening women's rights, but five minutes thought and of course it does. Not to mention the irreversible physical and mental damage it will do to the young people who have bought into it. I guess I am trying to say that although I have a lot to learn, it's down to boards like this that have allowed me to realise there is something wrong. I have started having the conversation with friends and family who agree but feel if they say anything they will be vilified as homophobic etc. So keep posting on these kind of boards because the lights are going on.

OP, do show your DD FannyCann's post! In fact, we should find a way of showing it to all teenage girls. I'm so angry that this stuff is being pushed on them - remember Teen Vogue's guide to anal sex?

I know what you mean, though. Joining this board has induced in me in a more-or-less permanent state of rage. I remember when I was 16 reading The Female Eunuch, and how affected I was by reading the line: "Women have very little idea of how much men hate them". Over the years I'd mellowed and thought, Well, maybe Greer was wrong. Most men, after all, seemed basically OK. Now I realise she was spot on. And it sometimes seems that most women hate women too.

Yes having to deal with the relentless propaganda from the TRAs is depressing and it is good to come offline sometimes. But as others said, once you realised the damage that is being done to young people and women's rights ,you can't go back. I have to raise the issues wherever I am because I am so angry that it has come to this. Spending time with a group of slightly younger liberal heterosexual women the other day, who have considerable experience, working across the world etc, I was astonished for one to say that she had never heard an opposing posiition to the Trans brave and stunning journey to discover themselves. She is informed by her trans friends and was surprised at the strength of my arguments...went away to investigate further, acknowledging the conflicts I was talking about..two others listening were deeply shocked and said they too would find out more. The same afternoon, another woman a teacher separately expressed her concern about a four year old girl in her class stating she wants to be treated as a boy, change names, clothes etc. With another woman we were able to offer ideas and support in that situation.
These conversations lifted me up hugely as it seems that it is possible for women to reconsider. Interestingly not so easy with some lesbians who appear to identify more with men's needs than with women , to be kind and do not believe feminism should centre women. This makes me depressed again as they appear to be blocking the reality of what is happening , or just won't engage.
I cannot pretend that women are not facing a huge struggle and I will fight for us as hard as I can....while still trying to live my life positively and having fun when I can.

A year ago when I said to my partner “is it too much to ask not to have to have random penis in my changing rooms?” He stormed off saying “I can’t talk to you about this”

Now he agrees that TW in sports is insanely unfair, that some men are creeps and absolutely will take advantage of self ID, that a ton of people likely think they are trans but are actually just confused and will regret, and that transing kids is basically eugenics.

Just keep on keeping on. If they are sensible people what you said will be percolating.

ShortCircuit181
Does it bother you that men (who identify as women) are being permitted to join women's sports teams?

Does it bother you that parents won't be told if there is a boy (who identifies as a girl) sharing a tent with their daughters at girl guide camps?

Does it bother you that girls are avoiding using the new mixed sex toilets in schools, with all the implications that has for their health?

Short apologies if being thick

1. Workplaces having mixed loos already is a problem for many of us

2. public loos are already a problem for many of us

3. I’m not aware of anyone forcing me to smoke, is that next?

I would have been utterly lost on information about workplace rights etc if not for this board.

It's a mixed bag for me, personally.

Whilst the whole self-ID proposal carries obvious risks, I do speculate that too much time on these boards manifests in some believing that there's a sex offender hiding in every toilet waiting to pounce.

I don't, for example, understand the mindset of people who worry excessively about the tiny statistical probability of meeting a transwoman in the toilets but don't worry about smoking cigarettes.

seek out

I feel this way a lot too - getting involved in GC politics has done nothing for my friendships or my mental health

Our friends and associates change their complexion with time. This is natural and inevitable. We tend to see out those with whom we share values and goals.Some people seem to value company and belonging above all else, however, and are willing to sacrifice their true values and integrity for that comfort.

Stay true to yourself and new friends and associates will appear.