Long before all this Queer theory nonsense started, I heard many lesbians over the years say they preferred the word gay (or occasionally, sapphic) to lesbian, as they said they felt the word lesbian had too many negative connotations. I always thought that what they were missing is that the meaning of the word lesbian is what confers the negative connotations, not the word itself, any word that means women who reject males sexually and partner with females, will eventually have the same negative social connotations. That the word lesbian has negative connotations, simply because it means women who exclude males from our sexuality, any word that replaced it would quickly garner the same negative connotations, as it is the meaning as viewed by men that is seen as negative (rejecting males sexually as a group) not the word itself.
For example, homosexual females have always been viewed as “man haters”, I have lost count of the amount of times “man hating lesbian” has been used to demonise women, even women who are not lesbians but speak out about male sexual entitlement are often called “man hating lesbians” in order to demonise them and make them to afraid to speak out. Men have just found another way to say it, now they say lesbians are “transphobic” if we refuse males sexual access to us, the same as they say all women are “transphobic” or “kink shaming” etc, if they speak about male sexual entitlement. It is the same old male sexual entitlement, they simply have dressed it up as if the men who are being refused are somehow being discriminated against.
It is females who do not include males in our sexuality that men hate the most, it is actually a reversal when they accuse us of hating them, it is also interesting that females excluding males from our sexuality is in itself seen as hate by males. They then extend this to all of their fetishes, so it becomes hate “kink shaming” for a woman to refuse any sexual practice a man desires. At root it all comes back to the same thing, if women do not do what men sexually desire, or criticise men’s sexual entitlement then we are hateful “man haters”/“transphobes”/“kink shamers”/“prudes” etc.
Women who include men in their sexuality are socially accepted by men, it is only women who do not include males in our sexuality who are seen as truly hateful by men. I think considering the way that bisexuality is being pushed by queer theorists and the alphabet soup, having more people publicly saying how great it is to be bi is not going to help anything. What we really need is for more women to publicly declare that it is fine for women to reject males sexually as a group, that it is not hateful or phobic. I think that would be good for both lesbians ourselves and other women, as it would help to establish stronger sexual boundaries.
Women in general should not be socially shamed for having sexual boundaries towards men, and insisting males should not cross them, I think that is true whether we talking about lesbians saying no to males as a group, or women saying no to particular “kinks” or sexual practices of men. What we have at present is that women are being socially shamed for having sexual boundaries, and men are being seen as the victims of the women who are asserting their sexual boundaries. This needs to change and men who wish to violate women’s boundaries need to be the ones who are socially shamed. This will only happen, in my view, if we get the message out that it is healthy and good to have sexual boundaries that males can not cross, regardless of how sad they claim it makes them feel.