Detroit

I hope the weather is kind and the place you are staying is safe.
I wish you a peaceful Christmas and hope the melancholia stays at bay.
Hoping for a better new year for you.

Here is a Christmas cat for you.

Detroit

It sounds tough, hang in there. I feel this is such a trite thing to say, sorry ❤️

Homeless shelters won't take me because I'm too high risk due to being hurt by Mr Charming.

This has jumped out at me. You're posting here, which tells me that you have some kind of internet-enabled device. Have you checked your devices for stalkerware? Kaspersky Antivirus will flag it.

Another lurker here to say Merry Christmas to you, though it be cold you are safe.

I have nothing to offer (and I fear for putting my foot in it as I have not experienced what you have) but I send a warm hug to you with some strength and whiskey attached.

Hold tight dearest Detroit.

Just a wee message from me in Northern Ireland, to say you are an absolutely amazing woman Detroit and I hope things turn around for the better, soon. I wish you a peaceful Christmas and a happier New Year.

Grateful and measured is overrated in my view...
Take care sister.

I am trying to think of the reason for the season, to be grateful and measured, but I can't.

I'd give anything to be a fly on the wall of a previous Christmas with my loved ones.

It's seriously messing up my ability to skate along trying to live for today.

Happy Christmas, everyone.

Thank you, cat. Really kind of you.💐🕸️

Sounds like a proper feast! If you can score a tin of chickpeas then that would make a nice meal with the squash. FWIW check bootstrap cook/Jack Monroe’s recipes. Nourishing and developed by someone who has lived off what she got from the food banks.

And 🌷 for April.

The offer stands - if things get to dire. I’m a bit of a lurker here but occasionally raise my head above the parapet. I do check in daily though.

It's incredibly kind of you to consider offering that. Thank you for the kind offer. Right now I don't think i'ld want to put other women at risk by having me around.

Ill have to fix this myself, or not..but I won't let anyone else suffer due to my situation. Does that make sense?

I'm not asking for help. Just friendship from women who get it.

What helps is chatting to me. Letting me whine a bit. Being angry alongside me at women's spaces being taken.

I've a vague plan that's taking shape for after the thaw in April. It won't hurt anyone, won't put anyone out, and I might feel safe enough there to be able to be able to take some legal baby steps towards trying to get something out of a divorce.

Ill be ok, I think. Really really ok. I've a bit of weather to get through and a sad Christmas.

I'm a stubborn, brattish old thing. Once my mind's made up...

On the plus side I found some unused geetar strings in the depths of my holdall. Putting them on and retuning is my job for the morning.
I've been enjoying playing along with my favorite new band, Big Thief. If it's dry enough, ill make a fire. I have stewed apples and cranberries I made on my propane stove, and some lovely misshapen sweet potatoes that were only a buck for 5 of em. There's oranges (similarly unloved) and a huge squash. I've a feast today. I even have more chocolate. I'm doing fine. Promise.

Oldstyle - might I pm you, please?

The only thing I can think of is two very dear women friends of ours who manage cottages in an outpost of nowhere in another state which are closed for the winter. They could potentially put you up. It’s cold there but not insanely cold. And you would be fully contained.
They are on the street side, all the units are behind their building.
I’ve stayed there myself. The woman owner is quite extraordinary but lives in NYC most of the year, I think.

Cat, please trust me there are no single sex shelters in a three state area that I can get to.

The ones that are all women accept tw are women. I've tried. Oldstyle can vouch for that.

Single sex provision does not exist. Homeless shelters won't take me because I'm too high risk due to being hurt by Mr Charming.

I appreciate the thought, cat.

Thank you for caring

And if you’re not in MI there are other shelters that are single-sex. But they’re difficult to find.

Oldstyle! Hello honey! We both know I'm a brat. It's ok. I'm a niceish brat. I very rarely bite anyone xx

Don’t be sorry - I think there is a women only facility in your state based on what I’ve just found online. But it would require you to travel and obvs I don’t know what state you are in to travel (by bus, car or other means). I know that winters can be harsh at your end. The fact that you mention an injury also worries me. I get that you are finally free and I deeply respect that.
Obviously you are the best judge of the situation but if you want I can message oldstyle the name of the place that I found.
Let me know - just women sticking up for each other and being there for each other.

The Detroit in my user name was originally Detroitin68.. a reference to my favorite Joni Mitchell song, the last time I saw Richard.

The song was quoted at me by an old friend, apparently I liked pretty men who told me pretty lies.

Detroit stuck. I guess it suits me.

No, not a brat. Not whinging. Not difficult.

You are bloody Wonderwoman Detroit.

I've looked extensively in a radius I can travel to. There is no all female shelter within that area. I'ld rather not identity where i am currently, as it's not safe to. I can't afford to underestimate things. Sorry.

Some shelters say they are all female...but that twaw. If twaw then they are technically all female...All them say if they don't take tw they lose government funding.

Some shelters accept tw, but currently have none. I refuse to take risks like that. I have lost all trust in shelter and dv assistance providers.

I've given up on organized shelter. I won't be gaslighted and treated like shit, nor will I ask again.

As wierd as this sounds, as uncomfortable as I am, I'm free. I'm free. I don't have to jump through hoops. I don't have to mind. I don't have to obey. I don't have to edit myself. I do as I please

I don't drink. I don't take drugs. I don't commit crimes. I don't hassle anyone
I don't hurt anyone.

I think this is how ill live. Then noone can demand my empathy for men, or anything else from me

After years of abuse and loss I'm the mistress of my own ship. And I like it.

Obviously I'd like it better with 50 percent of the assets. That won't happen. My charming got his ducks in a row. Ill sit on the divorce. In my head I'm divorced. I don't have to ever see him again. Fuck society and their worthless bits of paper.

I know this sounds... difficult.

But for what I've got left, for while I can do it...I'm free

I know it's hard, and I'm going to make a plea for friendship, and to trust me that practically it's unfixable.

I'm burnt out asking for help. I did that. It almost made me lose my faith in humanity.

I'm sorry if I come across as whinging. Or difficult. Clearly i'ld rather be inside, but on my terms. And if I can't be inside on my terms i'ld rather do this.

I know. I'm a brat.

Are you looking for a women only shelter, Detroit?
Can you travel out of state? Assuming you’re in MI?

Thank you

It's a reasonable fear. But it makes life so hard.

We understand why you're skittish, lovely. It's necessity.

I'm sorry im so nervous. Thanks esp to Oldstyle...

I consider you all to be my friends. Precious little of that in my world.

Hope you are doing ok childrenandhomeless. No, women should not have to leave houses for safety. The men who hurt should suffer. I guess that won't happen. Misogyny is so entrenched we don't stand a chance.

Survival is the main thing. We can't pull down the patriarchy overnight.

I totally understand your need to not speak any specifics, its vital to your safety.

Thank you so much for the fire picture. I know too about the cold and the dirt, the grimness of it all, not to the continued extent you are enduring though, for which I do commend you your ability that enables you to do this.

I had thought earlier about whether you have a survival bag which keeps out any wet and certainly icy blasts! Cheap to buy and you can stuff it with your own warm things (just thinking you mentioned needing more blankets to keep warm enough, and knowing this was a cheap option.

I have read and really appreciate all you've written to me Detroit

I am researching tomorrow some more but not hopeful, and I have one other avenue to pursue after that. Its just infuriating that any woman should become homeless as a result of her partner abusing her, when its obvious he should be the one left homeless and with consequences. I can't get my head around why this isn't so, or why so many refuse to protect women in favour of men in refuge. I don't get it.

I am fist punching solidarity with you, thank you.

I hope you sleep and rest well tonight. Goodnight.