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Original poster

WIBU to hang about the toilets?

89 replies

Samaranian · 22/08/2019 11:24

I am not a poster who usually posts here but I lurk, and read and for the most part agree with the sentiments on this board.

To keep in brief, I am enjoying a lovely week in Edinburgh at the festival. Whilst at a venue yesterday waiting for a show to start, me and (male) DP went off to find the toilets. Turns out all the toilets in this venue were labelled "Gender Neutral". Just to be clear - there were two rooms I guess each with three cubicles inside and then the sinks outside the cubicles. So I guess at one point one was male and one was female? Anyway.

I made a cats bum face and huffed to DP a bit but we both went and used the toilet. When I was washing my hands several men came in to use the toilet and were standing waiting by the sinks as all the cubicles were full.

Three young girls came in and stood waiting, if I had to guess their ages I would say about 6, 8 and 11?

I was the only other woman in there and I just felt like the girls were so vulnerable in there with all the men (and again, to be clear, I am speaking about men) so I waited at the mirrors and pretended to be sorting out my make up etc until they had left.

I know the chances of anything happening are very slim but it just didn't feel right to me. DP thinks I was being silly in waiting but does agree that something about it isn't right and he actually felt uncomfortable standing washing his hands etc next to female children in an enclosed space.

So I know this isn't AIBU by any stretch of the imagination, but was IBU to wait until the girls had left the toilets before leaving myself?

OP posts:
AlessandraAsteriti · 22/08/2019 11:55

I would have complained to the venue and make an absolute nuisance of myself. I am done being patient and nice. They are facilitating sexual assault and pedophilia and this is what I would have told them.

NonnyMouse1337 · 22/08/2019 11:53

Doesn't seem unreasonable at all, especially if there was no adult accompanying the children. You did the right thing looking out for them.
Fringe venues can be intimidating because there's so many people. It's easy for predators to look for opportunities when people are busy and not paying attention.

LangCleg · 22/08/2019 11:52

I would do the same.

Chocolate1984 · 22/08/2019 11:52

The public Male toilets in Edinburgh are always used for cottaging and drugs and I doubt being gender neutral will change their habits.

Diagonalli · 22/08/2019 11:51

not all men are pedophiles though & how is it any different to young boys using a male toilet? surely they would be just as vulnerable then?

ScrimshawTheSecond · 22/08/2019 11:50

I'd have done the same.

A good illustration of why this gender-neutral/unisex toilet thing has pitfalls. Any women knows there is threat and danger involved, even if it is small. God, will we ever not have to be vigilant?

OneEndedStick · 22/08/2019 11:45

Perfectly reasonable, OP. I'd do the same. No way I'd leave, knowing there were three adult males left in the toilet block with three kids. I don't care what they're wearing

BohemianDream · 22/08/2019 11:40

I think your quite right to have been concerned, I'd have done the same if it were young boys too. It's a sad reality that some men are paedophiles and sometimes opportunist.

TurboTeddy · 22/08/2019 11:39

I'd have done the same. Your husband's discomfort doesn't surprise me either. What the hell are we doing just to accommodate a small number of individuals, there are better solutions which preserve the safety and dignity of all.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 22/08/2019 11:39

I wouldn't have done what you did but I don't think you're unreasonable, just a little over cautious. I didn't let my 6 year old go to the toilet without an adult though and would probably be waiting outside if my child was only 8. No parents around? Or was the 11 year old in charge?

RosaWaiting · 22/08/2019 11:37

I'd do the same.

TransposersArePosers · 22/08/2019 11:36

Not in any way unreasonable.

As PP have said, I think (I hope, anyway) that most women would do the same.

JazzyJelly · 22/08/2019 11:30

I'd have done the same. Well done for looking out for them.

sackrifice · 22/08/2019 11:26

It's what most normal women would do, if they give a shit about other women and girls.