Trans Widows Escape Committee 3: Rise of the Trans Widows

hi, i posted on the second thread about my agp ex. i'm 18 in a month and i dont really know who i can talk about what happened with. my friends say i need to be careful not to 'demonise trans women' because i had a bad experience with one. but i read through this thread and they're all so, so similar. i can't help but think everyone i know has gone mad.

I think it always helps to find people who can understand where you are coming from, G00dbyeH0rses. As I am not a trans widow I don't understand that side of things really well but I do know a bit from reading here. I can totally see that abuse and all abusive behaviour cannot be covered up and clearly when these terrible things come to light they can be seen for what they are.

I do hope you have accessed some counselling for this. I know counselling is not right for everyone but for some it is a big help. XXXXX

Thank you @Italiangreyhound. I appreciate your kind words. Half the battle of healing has been understanding the context of what happened and why, and understanding the AGP angle has certainly helped me round a corner and make progress. Knowing one thing from reading this and other transwidow threads, these cowards don't attack the weak. Wishing you the best, onward and upward.

G00dbyeH0rses so sorry to hear your story, I am not a trans widow but stop by sometimes to just send you all my best wishes and my thoughts.

What happened to you G00dbyeH0rses was appalling.

Just stopped by to say I think of you all often.

Great to hear you're doing okay Emily. And that you know when he inevitably cycles, you'll be better able to detach yourself. There is hope

I came home from work tonight knowing my daughter might be upset about PS as she's a big fan. And she was. She said it resonated with her own father (he lived a lie, he had kids, the world applauded, he hurt his family) but that it was crucially different as he is still the same person, unlike her own dad. She felt he's been reasonably respectful towards his family plus waited till his kids were adults unlike my ex. When a friend at school asked her what she thought today, she said 'I said I felt sorry for his wife'. That made me choke up. It prompted a chat about her father and her feelings of betrayal, sadness and anger, which was a good thing, but hard going for her, and for me to hear. It's so easily reopened, this wound.

Apologies if this is confusing, I don't want to provide too much detail as you can imagine.

I was raped by an almost 30 y/o AGP CD man when I was a 16 y/o girl without other experience (which I made known to him) and didn't understand what the AGP did to me at the time (dressed me up in control-top tights before ripping them off while I was confused and face down). After telling a mutual acquaintance what the AGP did about 15 years later, I spoke with the AGP/CD who told me why he did what he did after a lot of questioning. After I understood enough, I reported him. It was obvious by his skill in pushing me toward his end goal/ignoring me trying to explain as best I could I didn't understand what was going on that this wasn't his first attempt, and I fear to think if he's gotten away with this behavior with other underage children or barely legal adults (when I spoke with him, he claimed to think I was 18 at the time, which was not possible based on other circumstances).

I may not be a transwidow per se (his family is now aware of this and his proclivities, and was understandably upset when I brought this out into the open - I wanted his wife and his family to be aware for the sake of their/his children), but completely understand the grief, shock, derealization and disillusionment that comes along with waking up to this nightmare. It derailed my life entirely (for example, I was made so vulnerable by his rape that I was revictimized by other adult men while I was an older teenager and couldn’t see the truth of what was going on) and I'm only just starting to heal, not many people IRL seem to understand the concept of AGP vs. trans rights outside of this thread. I'm grateful to this thread, and for the strong women who aren't scared to speak about this degrading, humiliating fetish masquerading as a human rights movement. Thank you for making me feel as though I'm not alone in this experience. My thoughts and hope for your continued strength and health are with you all.

Sorry wrong thread

Thank you for looking out for me TinselAngel.

There are times I deliberately stay away from anything to do with Trans issues as I cannot face it and it's gets all so depressing, especially when I see so many others suffering horrendously.

The cheerleading of PS shows men are men with emotions and needs and the women are just props. When you are in this type of relationship, women aren't seen as people just things to make their man feel better, no matter what he does. Dehumanising women is still going on as strongly as ever, but with a new woke and pc twist.

I'm curious if the next phase of these crazy years will be adultery losing any stigma

Polyamory.

The documentaries I've seen on the subject have a lot of women who almost seem like shadows of women who have lost something of themselves.

They haven't made me think that they are in the interests of women. Even if the women have multiple partners themselves.

I'm guessing there will be a quiet divorce announcement in a few months, when this is no longer a front page story. Because there is no future in staying with someone who has lied to you for decades.

I'm curious if the next phase of these crazy years will be adultery losing any stigma
"I couldn't be my authentic self unless I was fucking someone other than my wife, therefore you should all applaud me as stunning and brave."

They have no choice, he must save face, so must they.

They're probably horrified and his wife must be devastated, and his kids. I feel bad for them.

furious about women queueing up to say how brave PS is.

Can't quite work out what I feel about Hadley Freeman's comment that still centres him and his compassion/fabulousness:

This statement is so loving and generous about his daughters and especially his wife. It’s not just about him, it’s also about them, and that says a lot about him

twitter.com/HadleyFreeman/status/1225721857397137408

Doing good. I'm now financially independent, which has helped me a lot. Doing my own thing and living for me a lot more.
DH in the purge part of the cycle at the moment. I know it will be back at some point and am more able to disassociate and to remove myself emotionally when it does.
Hope you all are well.
Hate seeing stories of "brave" men like PS. No regard to the families emotions at all. This is no different than a hetro man "coming out" with his affair IMO.

researchers attach only three sensors (to arms, legs, and pelvis), and people can correctly identify whether the three points of light they see moving on a screen are males or females (no outlines of the bodies)

Remember this? The Batman and Catwoman model swap video?

twitter.com/juanbuis/status/1199651576236957697?lang=en

The reactions to Phil's announcement on MN are interesting.

Lots of sympathy for Stephanie (she deserves her own identity - not 'Phillip Schofield's wife' as if she is his property and her identity is only to serve as an extension of him).

I do wonder if this thread has made people question the 'brave and stunning' narrative across the board.

Support to Philip Schofield's wife, she must feel a bit like us TWs.

The reporting is just the same,

Wife and children standing by their partner - tick.
How very brave he is for sharing that he is now not attracted to his wife but to men - tick.
Coming out after he has nothing to lose, career intact, wife of an age where it's virtually impossible to separate her life from his - tick.
Wife only mentioned as an emotional prop for his troubled emotions - tick.

I understand that it might have been difficult back in the 80s to be an openly gay man in the media and I sympathise with that.

But the wrong done by using a woman's life as a human shield to feather his closet is wrong.

Great respect to openly gay men, who live their lives with real courage, rather than being a coward as I feel some of these closeted men are.

So many posts that are powerful in their content this week.

I wish people would let trans widows speak our truth. What was asked of us by our former spouses, what has been asked of us by many others, is fundamentally wrong..