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Original poster

Trans Widows Escape Committee 3: Rise of the Trans Widows

942 replies

TinselAngel · 18/08/2019 18:28

Less than two years have passed since the first TWEC thread and now its time for a third.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

  1. You are not alone
  2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
  3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

Regulars- do post here to get the thread going.

Lurkers- now would be a great time to de-lurk.

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Original poster
TinselAngel · 18/08/2019 21:36

I'm getting all the glory here, so I'd like to thank fellow trans widow @socialworker222 for her consistent support on these threads and for often saying things with far more kindness and patience than I can muster. Thanks

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Victoriapestis01 · 18/08/2019 21:12

Hello, another respectful lurker here. The point about wifework- it strikes me that this might be quite important. Is it?

I’d wondered that too. They’re not doing the washing, buying the school uniform, ironing, arranging play dates and clubs, and remembering the mother in laws birthday, then? Just getting the fun bits?

WomanBornNotWorn · 18/08/2019 20:28

Hello, respectful lurker here who hasn't had your experience and wishes you and your families all the best for the future. I'm so sorry you've had to cope with this and hope you all find solace and support here among your peer group, especially if you aren't receiving it in real life. XXX

LangCleg · 18/08/2019 20:18

Big up to thread three.

OrchidInTheSun · 18/08/2019 20:11

It's interesting too that so many men wait to transition once their kids are beyond the baby years. I guess the nappies, puke, screaming and reduced salaries of women in the throes of caring for small kids is also an unappealing part of womenhood Hmm

Just wanted to give you all a big cheer from the sidelines - I don't post much because I'm not a transwidow but I think you're awesome ❤️

SheWhoMustBeSilent · 18/08/2019 19:59

You wonderful woman, @TinselAngel . Thank you for keeping these TransWidows threads going.

And thank you to all you lovely women who are able to talk about your horrendous experiences.

We see you, we hear you and we are with you all the way.

socialworker222 · 18/08/2019 19:50

Great article, thanks Tinsel; the author was so clear and succinct.
I too snorted Terfnserf; my ex did not more housework, laundry, shopping or cleaning while transitioning than before (which was virtually nothing). It has been fascinating to see where his energies went (himself, his clothes, his coming-out) and his absolute inability to understand women's work was glaring proof that he just wasn't one. Just like the skirts and make-up, late transitioning men just cherry-pick certain parts of being a woman. Third thread, what a triumph, thank you Tinsel for making this happen

Joisanofthedales · 18/08/2019 19:08

Love and respect to you all. Flowers

RedToothBrush · 18/08/2019 19:04

Following with interest and with admiration.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 18/08/2019 18:57

For completeness,here is a link to a thread discussing a recent relevant article which not all the posters in the last thread may have seen.

A plea for help for feminists from a trans widow www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3666000-A-plea-for-help-for-feminists-from-a-trans-widow

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BadgertheBodger · 18/08/2019 18:56

Delurking just to express my ongoing admiration and awe for you wonderful women. You’re all incredibly strong and reading your stories for the first time blew me away. I’m so much more interested in you, and your children, than I am in your transitioning husband/partner. So, thanks for sharing your stories, it’s a hugely powerful thing to read Flowers

Tyrotoxicity · 18/08/2019 18:53

I burst out laughing at that, Terfnserf.

He has zero intention of doing the wifework.

He'll do housework - because he likes being told what to do by a woman, and gets off on being made to do degrading shit, and it has the added bonus that he gets to feel like he's doing all the horrible household chores so I should be grateful.

He won't do any of it properly though, and he won't take responsibility for actually remembering and keeping on top of any of it.

It drove me utterly demented.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 18/08/2019 18:51

No they don't, Terfnserf. They continue to act exactly like men. Funnily enough the unpaid labour aspect of womanning isn't as attractive to them.

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Weezol · 18/08/2019 18:50

Just dropping in to open the free caff - BrewCakeWineGin. Chips and gravy are available all day every day.

Terfnserf · 18/08/2019 18:42

May I ask something I have also wondered about, apologies if already covered in previous thread.
When your husbands start to transition and wish to be viewed as women, do they insist on taking over the more traditional women's roles, like child care, elder care, generally all the things you were doing as his wife. I know that sounds a bit sexist but women do generally do the heavy lifting in those areas still.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 18/08/2019 18:30

Link to thread 1

Trans Widows escape committee www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3101834-trans-widows-escape-committee

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Original poster
TinselAngel · 18/08/2019 18:29

Link to thread 2
Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back.. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3471122-trans-widows-escape-committee-2-the-trans-widows-strike-back

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