Trans Widows Escape Committee 3: Rise of the Trans Widows

TinselAngel that letter is so f-ing annoying. If that woman has had a good experience of her husband 'beibg a woman's why not just write that. It offer her own story for a documentary. Not try and silence another woman. If any person wants out if an unhappy marriage, that's their business. So wrong to criticize another telling their story. Very f-ing entitled.

DD always gets the same explanation: I don't know why daddy does ABC, but it makes me feel like XYZ, and I can't live like that, so I don't; and daddy is a grown-up, it's up to him to look after himself.

Delurking to thank you for our for this tyro - putting into words what I'm trying to say to my DC about their Dads temper

My respect & support goes to all of you, for remaining funny & strong in what must be unbearable circumstances at times

I wonder, does it not occur to Candice that it's possible to be both callous and calculating and also to declare a trans identity? They're not mutually exclusive. This idea that saying the words "I am a woman" is some magical prophylactic against being a bellend of the highest order - it's batshit. Every class of people in the entire world has its knobheads!

They are the most protected group ever. Weird isn't it?

I too went to Smiths to check the Letters page and was interested that the writer didn't merely say 'I decided to stay and that worked for me', which would have been a reasonable perspective but also, as the priority, 'you can't say anything bad about a trans person'... The normal rules just don't apply!

How about "I'm a widow not a trans widow and more stories from the other side"

TinselAngel 'Attack of The Clones' seems appropriate.

@tyrotoxicity

"I don't know why daddy does ABC, but it makes me feel like XYZ, and I can't live like that"

This is so perfect.

Dawn of the TW? TW Strike Back? Or do we want to go pacifist? TWEC:We're Still Here, TWEC: Still Not Buying It.. much to think about

Lumpy I spotted that one the other day; it didn't half make me cackle.

I think one of the most important things I learnt from MN is: it doesn't matter whether he's being intentionally malicious or abusing you on purpose. What matters is the effect on you.

miricles my ex is completely incapable of holding down a job. He reckons it's due to depression. I have sympathy - I struggle to work due to my MH so I know what it's like - but the difference between us is, I went to the doctor's, I got myself on ESA, I found my way to the appropriate therapy services and am engaging with them. He just sits on his arse feeling gloomy and doing nothing about it.

First time I kicked him out, DD was too young to need an explanation. Some years later he ended up on my sofa because he'd failed to pay his rent - didn't want to see him on the streets so said he could sleep there temporarily while he sorted himself a place.

I then spent about a year slowly going completely demented while he sat on the sofa doing fuck all about the fact he was technically homeless - because I didn't want DD to see me abandoning her father to live on the streets.

Finally got drunk, chatted honestly to my support people about what was going on, got psyched myself up, and told him to give me the keys back and gtfo. He went and slept on a mate's sofa and had sorted a new place within a month.

DD always gets the same explanation: I don't know why daddy does ABC, but it makes me feel like XYZ, and I can't live like that, so I don't; and daddy is a grown-up, it's up to him to look after himself.

You wouldn't be kicking him out with nothing, miricles. You'd be kicking him out with a social security system there to pick up the slack. And if the horrors of universal credit don't get him to pull his finger out and take some responsibility, well, that's his problem.

Thanks for your replies, @socialworker222 no he hasn't started the hormones, There was another health problem highlighed as the results of the routine blood tests, but that seems to have been a storm in a teacup, so he is back to square one. They said that they would see him in August, and he did have an appointment, but I suspect he didn't go to another one. He actually left the house, so I found a bra, tights, and things in his drawer, but haven't said anything. I will read your replies properly when I have more time, but thank you for remembering me.

Because it's not about him, it's about what it looks like to my children and the example I setting to them about kicking people out with nothing and no where

Reverse this.

If you put up with the crap, are you teaching them that women should be doormats and men can be enabled to avoid taking responsibility for themselves? Do you want them to see you you as someone it's fine to take for granted?

It's OK for you to show them, that they have a right to put themselves first if they are deeply unhappy and someone is taking advantage of the situation.

Would you like them to be miserable because you'd taught them that self sacrifice was the most important thing in life?

There are times when selfishness is a good thing and you should put yourself first; it not always just a negative thing.

Think about the social conditioning you are highlighting here.

If that's all that's holding you in that situation, you perhaps just need to look at the situation from the outside with fresh eyes rather than from the inside where you feel beholden to others.

It's all a matter of perspective.

Ps Miricles I recall yours was starting hormones which looked likely to be a turning point... Hasn't that happened yet? Mine got them very quickly...

miricles I guess it isn't about kicking anyone out, but about working out what you're prepared to tolerate. As an adult, he should presumably be able to be independent (and get a job or be signed off sick?). I actually think I modelled something positive to my kids by leaving, ie that you don't have to put up with unreasonable behaviour, and that (at least in my case) adult women can start again alone. Women often model staying in abusive and unacceptable situations because we think we should (I'm not in any way dismissing real financial reasons etc). Sounds like you would feel cruel/unreasonable leaving the relationship. Which makes you a kind person. But I wonder how long you can put up with it? Plenty of women tolerate all manner of sh** until the kids leave home. Maybe it's about working towards what you want to do. But you are not his carer, are you? Your welfare is of equal importance and if he has health/financial reasons to not be able to live independently, that is still not your responsibility and is what services are for. Apologies if I'm making assumptions as I don't know the details of your situation.

Lumpy that's amazing! Where on earth did you find that, where it hadn't been censored? Love it