Trans Widows Escape Committee 3: Rise of the Trans Widows

Yes and no, I think a judge can take their wishes into consideration. They’re 11, 14, and 16. I don’t know how I’m supposed to force them especially my teenage son who’s huge! He’s even taller than his dad. I spoke with my parents and they suggested I try to settle out of court and give him the house in exchange for $15,000. He could get a lot more out of it if the market recovers after all this. I also told my lawyer to just give him 50/50 custody because I just want to be done. I feel a judge would give him that anyway. I also told my lawyer I wanted reasonable child support and alimony.

Emotionally I’m not in a good place after telling her that. I worry that I will screw myself and the kids by doing this. I don’t have a job currently and when this virus calms down I’ll be joining thousands looking for work. I’m scared! I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like I’m making the right choices, but I know I can’t keep spending thousands I don’t have on lawyers.

I think if my soon to be ex was trying to win an award for the most narcissistic asshole award he’d have a real shot of winning. I was served with court papers today. He’s taking me to court for custody, child support, equitable distribution and divorce. Basically his suit makes it sound like I’m a lazy squatter and haven’t been a willing party in all this. I’m somewhat amazed at how big of an ass he truly is! In the middle of a pandemic and after cutting support payments on a whim it just shows what kind of person he is. He also wants me to cover his attorney fees and pay him back child support since he thinks he’s been paying more than he should since separation. He’s a piece of work!

I’m hanging in there and I’m ready to just be done with his crap! I just really don’t want my kids to have to spend half their time with him and all his crap if he gets the custody arrangement he wants. I know the dressing and living as a woman will ramp up the second he retires from the military. I just want my kids to have a say and for them to feel safe.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy. As the pastor of my church said, “we’re all in the same storm, but in different boats”. I know we are all facing challenges in different ways and I truly hope you are all ok.

@TinselAngel no, not really coping greatly over here.

My story is up there and it was cathartic to write.

I usually write better, but due to covid, my usual counseling session had to be cancelled as they couldn't bill correctly for a remote / phone session.

It's an ugly story, it makes me feel sick, but I feel better for putting it down. Still need to talk to the counselor about it, but at least it's written down with the things I remembered at the time.

I do encourage others to put their story up there, the more of us there are, the less we can be ignored.

Tinsel I read your story on the site. I knew bits of it but I did feel a great deal of sympathy for you. Huge virtual hugs at this time.

Awesome job on the website, Tinsel!!

I usually don't think of transmen in the same way as transwomen because by nature I think of women as more empathetic. But someone on a theatre facebook group asked for donations for her top surgery that is scheduled next month. First of all, good luck having that done during a time like this. And secondly, what?? People are out of work, local businesses are in danger... and you are asking for donations for that?

I also saw on article where trans people are complaining that their surgery is not considered "essential" at this time. Well, it's not! My friend's son was scheduled for colon surgery. He is gravely ill right now, yet they sent him home! THAT is what I consider essential.

I just can't imagine putting forth the effort to try again with someone new. And I really don't trust my judgement any more.

Sorry Typos! "You are young, your while life ahead of you.

Your ex is an evil bastatd for staying friends with someone who assaulted you.

somethingawful that is so terrible and evil. Please can you access some counselling. You need to work to rebuild your self esteem You do matter. You are important. You are going, yoir while life ahead of you. You can come through this. You really are worth so much more.

Please get professional advice. Your experience us an evil bastatd for staying friends with someone who assaulted you.

The ex's 'friend's is evil for the assault and for gas lighting you into 'helping' his guilt.

"i was stunned and fell into a stockholm syndrome situation with his friend, where i was responsible for comforting his guilt for sexually assaulting me." You must get professional help for this, please.

Sorry to hear that KitKat; yes he may be busy right now but I suspect you know this is just part of the ongoing pain of many exs in this position focussing solely on themselves. Mine lied about money, and doesn't provide as expected or promised for his kids. It genuinely bewilders me how they cannot be a priority; however I sadly reflect that probably they never were in his life, as his secret ran for years. The money thing is really hard to let go; I support us and myself with minimal from him, but it really rankles when I see him spending money on his new (amusingly ludicrous) hobby, clothes, shoes etc. Non-cooperation leading to having to sue someone when it's costly, uncertain, and you are overwhelmed by daily life anyway, is just enraging. Not helped by how most of us are feeling day-to-day at the moment. Hang on in there. You - and we - will get through this.
And Something, it is just more inability to genuinely care for or prioritize others, by the sound of your ex. His needs came and come first, even when you are most vulnerable. Sorry to hear it's preoccupying you. Can you talk to anyone?

im going to put a trigger warning here for sexual assault, just in case

back here again. you are the only people who really understand. it's been a year since my agp ex and i broke up and i'm going to be 18 in ten days. i've been very busy with my new boyfriend and school but while i'm supposed to be studying i'm beginning to think about all of the abuse over again. not just from him - i was assaulted by a close friend of his. initially my ex was mad - his friend had 'made a pass at me'. i was stunned and fell into a stockholm syndrome situation with his friend, where i was responsible for comforting his guilt for sexually assaulting me. they're still friends, right now. as soon as they had both met their sexual needs by using me they discarded me. not to mention immediately after i was sexually assaulted by his FRIEND, my ex decided that he had now just been sexually assaulted (a doctor examined his penis. that's what happened). just to take the horrible fucking attention of being sexually assaulted off of me. and i assume they just act like i never happened. its hard to feel like a person nowadays, when for so long i was just an object for a deluded man to place his confusion upon and for his best friend to manipulate.
thank you guys for letting me know i'm not alone

I read that a couple of years ago when I was trying to understand all of this. It’s so disturbing how clueless these men are to anyone but themselves.

I’m having a lot of anxiety with the world falling apart and the fact my soon to be ex hasn’t even asked if the kids are ok and if they need anything. I’m sure he’s busy since he’s military but you’d think he’d want to make sure his kids have what they need. You’d think so, especially after cutting support money by almost 1/3 and not giving me any tax return money from the returns he electronically signed my name to. I expected more from him to at least provide for his kids. I’ve talked to my lawyer and the only thing I can do is sue him. This also happened at the same time a leak happened in the house I’m in and we were about to sell and now have to have the floors fixed. I also found out about mold in our air ducts last week. It’s just beyond overwhelming and I’m struggling!

I hope all of you are doing better than I am and staying safe in this chaos.

Very interesting article.

Like any deceiver or abuser they know that if they are honest with their target they'll not get a first date, much less a relationship.
Their world view is one of entitlement as a result of social conditioning.
There is even a film genre celebrating men who deceive and live double lives, that does its very best to emotionally manipulate us to relate to them, the deceivers, instead of the friends and family they are deceiving.

I am so sorry.
I would hug you all if I could.

Whatcanyoudo I think the other woman here would have a better idea of why these men hide what's going on.

But I'd imagine there are lots of reasons like wanting to have the relationship and knowing that opening up about what was going on might end the relationship.

Thank you for reaching out, Italian.. you are very sweet. For the most part I am at peace and just relieved it ended when it did. Other times I have my moments of sadness because I really liked her bf and was friends with his mom. That friendship had to fade away after the breakup. My issue of "WHY" is not so much why these men are the way they are. My issue is why do they enter into relationships when they know they are this way? Her boyfriend had over a year to tell her he thought of their relationship as a lesbian one. He had over a year to tell her he was a woman. I cannot even imagine a marriage with kids with this secret going on! It is just so wrong to do this!

@Travy007 I'm sorry to read about your situation and cannot imagine the hell it must be to live like that. I think you know yourself it will never change, this is him, he's showing you his real self. You do need to decide what will make you happy. He doesn't sound like a nice man or father to me!

Oh yes, I almost forgot, he claims he is a ''lesbian''.