Trans Widows Escape Committee 3: Rise of the Trans Widows

I imagine Quinn that many of us feel we should have been able to spot this easier or get out quicker, or pick a partner more capable of loving others than themselves.. But if course the mindfuckery made it an unfair and fake contract based on lies. So despite sharing those feelings, I suspect we aren't flawed/foolish/terrible judges of character doomed never to meet a decent person. It just feels that way for a long time. I met another TW in person a while back and she had truly moved on and met someone capable of kindness and love so it can be done. Important not to give up on that...

"I think men are only into them while they're still intact."
I completely agree. This might be why he is still calling himself a male. I don't know.
The other thing our therapist said is that the most popular kind of porn searched for is intact men with breasts. Now I think again she was trying to get him to react or for me to get a hint as to what he was really up to.

I'm wondering if any of you have a husband or ex who took testosterone blockers without estrogen.
In therapy today I told my therapist about how my ex got agitated when our therapist suggested he might have low testosterone. He said right away "I don't want it to change my personality." Interesting that he just assumed it would be low.

Well it was low and I went with him to that appointment because I didn't trust him to tell me the truth. He got upset when the dr gave him a Rx and said again he didn't want it to change his personality.
Then he wouldn't talk to me on the way home and was catatonic for about 40 minutes on our bed. I was ready to call 911. I stupidly thought he was upset because low T was an affront to his manhood. Omg.

My therapist today suggested that he was taking a testosterone blocker and maybe our therapist was trying to throw me a bone to give me a clue as to what he was doing.

This would explain so much. His libido went from very high to next to nothing very quickly. He also seemed to get down about nothing for no reason after that but lots of AGPs are depressed from hiding, etc.
What kinds of things did you notice when he started on T blockers? I know mine was sneaky enough that he could have got them online without me knowing.
Also I read they are used to help men with fetishes. Maybe he thought this would help him control himself when we moved in together so I wouldn't catch him watching trans porn and masturbating.

Well I would assume he would find pansexual men. Actually one of our therapists told him "it's too bad you aren't attracted to men. You would get a lot of attention." This was when we were trying to open the marriage in my last ditch attempt at getting my romantic and sexual needs met. I think she knew he was into men.

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm fairly certain my ex is only attracted to men sexually. So he will end up being a hetero woman if he ever changes pronouns. Right now as far as I know he is still using his male name even though he is taking estrogen.
I figured that out from talking to many women who were married to closeted gay men. He has so much in common with them.
I am working on trusting myself again in therapy.

Oh no, it's ok! I think the more support groups we have, the better off we will all be. Go for it!

987, I'm at a similar point, and also not sure I can ever be in a relationship again, or trust myself to pick the right person. I am in therapy and an excellent divorce support group (not transwidow-specific, but very good for me regardless). I don't know when I'll get past all the mindfuckery. I'm just now starting to go to events where I might meet someone.

My ex started dating again fairly quickly and after swearing to me he was only into women, is now dating men. A fairly irrelevant lie to add onto the large pile of genuinely damaging falsehoods.

First time posting.

I linked up with @TinselAngel on @Spinster so I thought I would join the conversation here.

There are some secret groups. Secret because not everyone's spouse is out or because they don't want people to know. We also can be as gender critical as we want without reprisal from others.
I'm also in some groups that are loosely related to the straight spouse network.

I wouldn't day I'm happy now. I don't know if I will ever be able to be in a relationship again. I don't trust myself to pick the right person and to see the red flags. There were so many red flags with him that I just didn't know what was going on.

I'm in support groups for trans widows and I'm trying to help other women going through it.
I am seeing that I think he is actually more attracted to men than women now or he is only attracted to seeing himself as a woman.
I have talked to a lot of women who are/were married to gay men and he has so much in common with them.
I'm trying to move on. My brain keeps popping up things he said or did that made no sense at the time but now I see what he meant.

Hi 987, welcome on board. I'm so glad to hear you escaped and recovered. Three years sounds good going; I was talking to a friend yesterday and repeating what my very upset teenager recently said - 'I don't think I'll ever get over it'. That's how it feels for me beyond 3 years, so yours is a message of hope. Of couse you'll have seen your story is repeatedly mirrored here. I hope your life has moved on and you're happy now.

Hello, my trans ex and I divorced 3 years ago. It has taken me three years to recover and to make sense of the web of gaslighting and ass hattery he created to keep me constantly confused.
Thankfully we did not have kids together. We were married for 5 years and he told me that he was "just" a cross dresser. (What's the difference between a cross dresser and a trans identify man? About two years.)
He told me he would respect my boundaries but constantly pushed them and wanted to include more of his feminine behaviors into his daily life.
It's a long story but I just wanted to say I have been reading these threads for a while and I want to encourage everyone to stand up for themselves and do not let a person with a fetish control you.

they are the central character and everyone else is a computer generated extra in their stunning and brave drama

Yep.

Except they differentiate slightly more than that, and it's more of an MMORPG really, and the fact that they know the computer-generated person has a mind at the other end and the fact that they can't actually connect to that mind, that's what makes the abuse fun for them. Because the other mind is partially obscured.

Anyway. I hope the article's made up, but even if it is, the story's still being played out, over and over, in the real world. Just because that particular printed version isn't true, doesn't mean the story doesn't happen in the real world.

They think the real world is the PvP server, and they can't understand why anyone would prefer PvE, and then they end up setting up their own sex server where they get to choose whether your character is naked or not. Or their character. Etc etc.

A friend who worked on magazines said they were mainly made up. I imagine the columnist may have wanted to honour the prevailing trend and grab some Brownie points.If it's true and 'Chris's wife lurks here, my very best wishes and I can empathize with needing to keep these men at lifelong arm's length. My kids feel exactly the same way... They are very clear that they were not under the malign influence of a vengeful ex-wife and are not waiting to 'free' themselves when they escape my dysfunctional grip!

Yes thanks for the link Jogger - there is a TW currently ranting on social media about the unfairness of not being selected over 4 real women at an all women parliamentary selection and no doubt will be writing to the press about it too.

You are right (whoever said it) - they are the central character and everyone else is a computer generated extra in their stunning and brave drama. Ex wives and children have to withdraw completely and go grey rock to avoid being dragged into it although they try to involve them by going to the press as we see here.

I've always figured the person answering them decides what they want to write about that week/month then writes a letter to suit. OTOH it would be just like an AGP bloke to see a female advice columnist as providing a perfect captive audience.

"I can understand how very hard it must be to accept that Dad has now become another ‘Mum’"

He hasn't though. If the child is finding that hard to accept it's because it's not true, and people of any age find it uncomfortable to be gaslighted.

Hi Jogger, no, thank you for sharing the Mail column. It gives us a chance to put the other side of the story by responding. Better than letting it sit there unchallenged. I'm all for small victories, and showing people that situations of late transition are not just the brave and 'good' action of the transitioner, but devastate those around them and cause enormous damage. So don't feel bad .
Btw, I'm not sure why your argument's broken out, Tinsel and Interested..??