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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Has any woman here ever been mistaken for a bloke?

138 replies

WomanBornNotWorn · 18/08/2019 12:44

I've always been bigger than most other girls / women.

Despite an officially (Gok Wan hah!!) hourglass shape (waist 75% of equal sized hip/shoulders) etc etc etc, no gender confusion and what not, my overall bigliness (I'm the height of the average British bloke so half of them are smaller than me) has always been a potential for problems.

Oversized feet, big jaw, broad shoulders send ... the wrong message.

Never been particularly GNC, just not 'slim, dainty, girly, feminine, flirtatious, hot' and all the rest of that template stuff women are 'supposed to be'.

Each time I've been mis-sexed I remember with a jolt. Where I was, who said what, how I reacted - and what I was wearing. I actually think twice about what I wear in case it triggers an incident. Certain things I shy away from - Lace up shoes, trousers with jackets especially.

It's really rare to be fair, but over a lifetime that's a little collection I'd rather not have in the memory bank.

Does anyone else share this little anxiety?

OP posts:
SwearyMaclary · 18/08/2019 13:12

Yep. Once, in a restaurant. I’m small but curvy and at the time I had long-ish blonde hair. My colleagues thought it was hilarious that the same waiter called me “sir” three times.

Weirdly when I had cropped hair nobody got it wrong.

LangCleg · 18/08/2019 13:11

Never mistaken for a bloke. I don't dress feminine, so a few times mistaken for a butch lesbian. Which I take as a compliment and don't screech oppression all over the Twatter about.

WhoIsTheFairestOfThemAll · 18/08/2019 13:11

All the time when I was a child.

But that's because my mother cut my hair short and dressed me in 'boy's clothes' and it's a lot harder to tell before puberty sets in.

Not since I got boobs/hips has anyone mistaken me for a boy - even when wearing masculine clothing.

ScrimshawTheSecond · 18/08/2019 13:11

Yes. The Scottish Government recently replied to my email to SA Somerville addressing me as 'Mr Scrimshaw'. (I hadn't given a sex or title.)

In real life, yes, when younger I was sometimes got 'son'. I suppose relatively tall, sometimes short hair, and I often wear/wore pretty non-descript asexual clothing.

Now seguing from that into middle-aged mother's invisibility, am pretty obviously female.

Hasn't ever given me the slightest jolt, though, couldn't really care less if someone misgenders me. Mostly found it quite funny.

RogersVideo · 18/08/2019 13:08

No, never. But my DH regularly does (until they see his face) - he's very slim with long hair. I don't get the impression it bothers him.

Lumisade · 18/08/2019 13:08

I'm a woman and I've been mistaken for a man in the sink area in a woman's toilet once. I am tall (taller than the average male height) and I was wearing a big down jacket as it was cold outside, so my figure was hard to detect. The woman who mistook me for a man left the toilets quickly as she thought she'd entered the men's toilets, then she came back in and apologised. She was embarrassed, I said there was no need to apologise and that was it, no problem. I haven't modified what I wear because I might be mistaken again, I am just not bothered.

MIdgebabe · 18/08/2019 13:06

online including work context, frequently. I take it as a compliment. Real life never no matter what I wear / how I do my hair. I tried hard as a teenager but I’m not large with very girlie shape.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 18/08/2019 13:05

I'm a bit taller than average for a woman and very broad shouldered. I have quite narrow hips for a woman too. When I was young and had a big coat I was mistaken for a man by a waiter who saw me from the back. I found it amusing but he was very flustered.

MargueritaBlue · 18/08/2019 13:02

Only on this forum- in real life, never.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 18/08/2019 13:02

In real life never, I'm very slender with narrow shoulders, tiny wrists, slender neck etc.

I never wear skirts or make up, don't possess any, never wear heels, can't due to an old injury, but even in a sack I'm too obviously small to be mistaken for a man.

Online is another matter. In more mixed sex spaces than Mumsnet I am almost always assumed to be a bloke due to the interests I have and usernames (often science related) I tend to pick.

(I never post online in my real name as I value my privacy and have never really understood why others are happy to broadcast every last detail of their lives to the world)

RiddleyW · 18/08/2019 12:57

I used to very frequently be mistaken for a boy when I was younger. I’m 4’11” and when I was a skinny thing in my 20s with short hair I used to get it all the time.

BogglesGoggles · 18/08/2019 12:55

Yes, my bank thinks I’m a man. I don’t know why. I have no idea where they got the idea from. It must have been a clerical error. Even so, you’d think they’d have realised at some point that Mr. Jessica isn’t right.

sueanddumplings · 18/08/2019 12:51

I once saw Ann Ruzylo make a 'I get misgendered all the time so get used to it' type of comment.

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