Taking a sword to the toilets

Yes, a male staff member is simply doing his job.
I don't have a problem with an accountable member of staff.

I do have a problem with a male using the ladies loo and taking selfies.

I’d be much more comfortable with a male staff member mopping than I would with a male in woman-face taking selfies at the mirror.

The first is under the supervision of their employer and likely to be in and out as rapidly as possible (not exactly the best job of the shift!). They are wearing a uniform and a name tag.

The other is doing exactly as they please and gaining entertainment through being there (and clearly has a camera on them). They are wearing what amounts to a disguise and using an assumed name.

They really have no idea what constitutes a red flag.

a transwoman/male bodied person doesn't want anything to do with me in the toilet - they just need a wee

With a sword. That they photograph. And tweet boastfully about.

Clearly I'm doing 'just need a wee' wrong.

2B, that post is comedy gold 😂

2BthatUnnoticed
Different person different scenario...

Oh the irony from that twitter post.
Breathtaking.

Not only that, they thought they'd take a picture with their phone.

They do like doing that, don't they?

Gavin is a security expert who has interviewed hundreds of victims of crime and he says they always, always got an odd feeling something wasn't right before they were attacked but dismissed it.

That's fine, unless you feel like that 90% of the time.

On the other hand, and being a bit more on topic, a trans woman came into some loos I was in once. I didn't know they were trans when I heard the door open, I just knew someone had come in and I got this instant instinctive feeling that I needed to get out. Turned round and saw them while legging it out of there. They could probably have posted a similar twitter post about freaking out a 'cis' woman, but they'd managed to freak me out before I'd even seen them!

Perhaps this is the way forward? Instead of politely averting our eyes or smiley weakly and moving as rapidly as possible, we should all start turning on our heels and walking straight out? Those of us feeling especially brave/who aren’t out alone can say ‘silly me! I thought this was the ladies!’ as they go.

Lots of male transpeople think they pass as women because women are socialised to be nice and avoid conflict. Let’s make that lie harder to maintain.

Yes agreed Girl

I don’t necessarily agree Another, I think it depends on the circumstances so people need to make their own judgment.

Where I am, there is well sign-posted CCTV in the area leading to the Ladies which is brightly lit - I feel safer there than on a deserted platform with no CC. Might be different where you are though

@AnotherAdultHumanFemale
“Also, what about say, a young woman travelling alone at night. There's a creepy guy on the platform so she goes into the women's toilets to get away from him whilst waiting for her train. For decades this has been what women have done to keep themselves safe and it's worked because men were banned from our toilets. ”

Women get raped in women’s toilets all the time. You’re better off staying on the platform than going to a nonCCTV discrete area. Rapists don’t respect the little woman sign on the door.

That said, I do agree with the sentiment behind your comments.

@2BthatUnnoticed The irony is obviously lost on that person.

Different person, different scenario... similar entitlement. At least no sword was involved I guess??

Fuck me, he's let himself go since he was in The Princess Bride, hasn't he?

My name is Iniga Montoya. You misgendered me. Prepare to die

@MockerstheFeManist 😂😂😂

Taking a sword to the toilets

...brings a whole new meaning to 'going for a slash...'

Thanks 2b and yes another adult, 100 per cent agree with what you say (and I’m sorry to read of your circumstances too).

The bottom line is we are all mammals and at base my primitive reactions are better at protecting me than my poor brain that was addled by years of gaslighting and being told my abuse wasn’t happening or what no big deal.

I’m a big fan of listening to my gut and letting my body lead the way these days because I, too, used to get myself into situations with people I shouldn’t trust because my psyche was so confused about the messages I’d been given about how my abuse was unimportant.

I'm sorry to hear that something, it sounds horrendous. I too have PTSD from domestic abuse. I feel like my brain developed PTSD after years of 'believing the best in everyone' which lead me to be in some very unsafe situations. It was a revelation to realise there are a lot of people out there who don't actually have good intentions at all, lack empathy and are out to harm others.

So in a way as horrible as it is, like you I'm kind of thankful for PTSD sometimes because it's helped me to put up very firm boundaries. I don't worry anymore about coming across as rude, I just do what feels safe to me, even if it annoys other people. The other symptoms of it are absolutely rubbish though.

Solidarity to you.

Thanks alice, I agree with you.

If some women are fine with mixed sex, good for them - but don’t give away a protection that many other women want and need.

something

I have read it, anotheradult, great book and thanks for mentioning it.

For me it's a very highly developed reaction from being tortured and abused throughout my childhood (credit there to my older brother) PTSD is a bitch but it hasn't half got me out of some tricky situations.

Somethinginthewayshemoves your story reminds me of the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Everyone should read it, it is extremely helpful and talks about how we always need to listen to our gut.

Gavin is a security expert who has interviewed hundreds of victims of crime and he says they always, always got an odd feeling something wasn't right before they were attacked but dismissed it.

You were absolutely right to run away from the weird bleeding man in the lift the way the woman who left the bathroom because of this sword wielding nutter was also absolutely right to do so.

Women lose their lives because of the fear of upsetting other people and the worry of 'seeming rude.'

Agree with the high alert thing.

When I was about 21 I lived in a particularly ropey tower block.

I got in the lift once to go to my flat on the fifth floor and just as the doors were about to close a bloke go it.

He looked to be in his fifties, he was built like a brick shithouse and he had blood running down his face.

I took one look at him and legged it out of the lift.

He called back at me that there was nothing wrong with him etc etc.

I actually think he had a medical condition causing his face to bleed and he had seemed harmless enough when I'd seen him around.

However, I had no control over my reaction. The lift doors were about to slam shut with just the two of us inside and I was terrified on a visceral level. I couldn't reason it away, I couldn't think logical thoughts about why his face might be bleeding.

I just legged it.

And he was offended and 'called me out' for it instead of beginning to understand how I might have felt.

*NOT misgendering him. Bloody phone.

Well you're misgendering him because his bio says he/him as his pronouns

and no, I am not misgendering anybody. Women do not carry swords into toilets. He was not presenting as a woman. He was presenting as a male misogynistic pervert who needs to be locked up!!!!

of course he carried the sword to intimidate women. The bloody pervert!