The daily grind of entitled wankers

I would opt for the car in your situation. Even though I prefer to take public transport whenever possible. I'm pretty sanguine, so don't get stressed out that much either way, but even I had enough after two years of manoeuvring a pushchair and assorted bags onto and off Edinburgh busses. Especially since they don't wait until you have a seat or have reached a place you can hold on to. Fell over quite a bit.

So then I was in a similar situation to you - already had a driving licence but hadn't driven at all since then (about six years). I definitely needed refresher lessons. My driving instructor was an arse, too, but the poor man had an arse for a pupil as well. That's because it was my DH and he has no patience and I don't react well when men tell me what to do. Plus the stuff he kept telling me didn't make sense until I had driven for a few years.

I'm 5'5, so am currently feeling like giant next to all of you! But DH and DC are 6 ft tall and they drive my car regularly which always reminds me just how short I am. My legs are fairly short (always have to buy short length trousers), so I sit really close to the steering wheel, too. Which I'm now hyperaware is a problem but WTF am I meant to do? I can't reach the damn pedals otherwise.

As for wankers on the road vs wankers on public transport. To me and at worst that's a toss up between wankers who endanger you vs wankers who harass you. And at best it's annoying wankers that mar your journey. I'm pretty sanguine, as I said, so I don't pay any heed to annoying wankers on the road, but annoying wankers on public transport are usually in your space. Right in your face if you're unlucky.

So greater freedom, flexibility and less travel time plus lower degrees of wankery equals car. And an awareness that my risk is greater, but DH taught me to be a defensive driver, so it's a risk I'm willing to take.

I'm currently driving my smallest car ever (Toyota Yaris) and I love it. Used to drive a big Ford sedan, two American SUVs, a Renault Espace, a Chevrolet Tacuma and some monstrously strong-motored big BMW thing on occasion. Yet the Yaris is my favourite, despite or maybe because of the size and because it still has enough power for my purposes.

Might well be true that people behave differently coz of the size, but I haven't honestly noticed. But then, like I said if I notice annoying wankers on the road at all, I've forgotten about them by the next traffic light.

“I think there may be a strong element of sexism in that vehicles can be stereotyped as 'women's' or 'men's '.”

Yes and no... there are some that are definitely unisex though and it’s size that makes the difference, corsas often have men in them (here they do anyway) and cars like c-maxes are often women because they fit kids stuff in them.

The vans are given a much wider berth than any large car...

So I kind of suspect it’s A - how large is the vehicle I’m being an arse to and B - how much are they going to care if it gets damaged and when they decide it’s small they’ll go for it, but if it’s larger or they think it’s a work vehicle rather than a personal one they don’t...

Not saying there’s no sexism at all involved, but I’m very sure they don’t look at either me or DP before deciding because we’ve both noticed it depends what we’re driving.

Yes

But size matters lol

Only a fool gets in an 'argument' with a bus

• The way other drivers treat you I’m pretty sure is based on what you drive rather than your sex. (I’m never sure whether that’s a good thing or not? Like yay finally something that’s not based on sex, ah but they’re still wankers...)

I think there may be a strong element of sexism in that vehicles can be stereotyped as 'women's' or 'men's '. Vans, and my old cavalier are 'bloke' vehicles.

The way other drivers treat you I’m pretty sure is based on what you drive rather than your sex. (I’m never sure whether that’s a good thing or not? Like yay finally something that’s not based on sex, ah but they’re still wankers...)

I’m saying that because I have a car, DP has vans, but we’re insured on each other’s and there’s a huge difference on how both of us are treated depending on whether we’re driving my car or his van.

My car for context is a rather unfortunately styled golf plus (second hand) which does look like it should be underpowered and wankers are terrible for trying to undercut or shove in when you’re driving it in a way they just don’t when either of us is driving a van.

What’s more telling is that actually I avoid one of the vans unless I have to drive it because it’s too slow and I hate it and my DP prefers not to drive my car because in his words - it’s ludicrous, there’s no need for a car to go that fast

But the only car I’ve had that there wasn’t a marked difference in how other people treated it over a van was a c-max...

So I’m pretty convinced it’s size rather than driver that attracts wanker driving aimed at you.

Not driving an underpowered car helps too, both to enable slightly more assertive driving and less likely to have others 'bullying'. My commute back when I had the little hatchbacks was on an A road with bends and agricultural vehicles, so overtaking was often necessary. But a lot of the time as soon as there was a clear gap big enough to do it safely, the arsehole tailgating me would have pulled out rather than waiting for me to go first even if I was indicating. Changed to a Cavalier with a bit more oomph... fewer arseholes like magic.

There's definitely a huge difference in the way other drivers behave towards different sized cars. But I've also noticed it in myself as a driver - I drive more assertively in a larger care. (I hope I don't drive more wankerly in a larger car! )

It's really interesting how people are saying they get treated better on the road when driving larger cars. I drive a small car and can confirm, I regularly encounter extremely stress-inducing aggressive, inconsiderate people. I hadn't considered that they are extra disrespectful to people in small cars but it makes sense, since they are basically bullies and bullies always target people smaller than them.

I tend to encounter at least one troublemaker per car journey, with the vast majority of people being absolutely fine and driving normally, but unfortunately the 1-2 bad ones do make driving very stressful, since their behaviour is often dangerous. For example, if you drive at the speed limit (rather than above it), you always get people either up your back end or trying to undertake you.

I see so many people speeding at about 10-15mph above the limit and I often wonder, don't they ever get caught?

Recently, whilst driving at exactly the speed limit, I encountered someone driving towards me at great speed, on the wrong side of the road. Meanwhile, I was being undertaken on the other side. So I had nowhere to go due to two dangerous drivers. Luckily the wrong side of the road driver swerved back in lane at the last minute and I avoided being in a head on collision.

I see people parked constantly on double yellow lines, blocking bus lanes, doing u turns, undertaking, speeding etc. I guess it depends where you live. It seems the police don't enforce the law much in terms of driving unless a speed camera catches someone so I've just accepted that the roads are basically like the Wild West and I have to be aware of not only my own driving, but of others too.

I find there are often 'interesting' characters on buses with questionable personal hygiene but they are not usually putting my life at risk.

Bother - sick of iPad deleting words it does not like. Missing lairy (and full stop) before agree. I should really try to preview posts properly [embarrassed]

You are not being thick Grace212 - I was replying to that on my phone in dark corner of restaurant! What I was trying to say was that I find changing routes/mode of transport helps. I switch back when I have got too irritated with one route/type of transport. And was not clear about mini cabs. I choose black cabs rather than Uber because the drivers have stricter Disclosure and Barring Service checks so they are less Agree with you that some mini cab firms can be great, especially if you are a regular.

The lack of tables on the tube, Overground and most trains does prevent the type of possession manspreading I hate but some train routes do have tables. They are great for working but only if train is not crowded.

Found the site, it was a medical grade thingy

'heart rate, skin temperature, respiratory rate, blood oxygenation). Additional clinical and non-clinical parameters (blood pulse wave, activity and steps, energy expenditure, sleep, heart rate variability , Inter-beat-interval & stress)'

Grace it was something related to blood pressure, hold on I'll see if I can find it.

Just remembered something... It was a trial, and a few of us were seeing weird numbers around how many calories we could consume or similar. When asked, they said, oh its calibrated to average man at present...! We were like, right then (silent eye roll).

Have to say this is my favourite thread title ever, Grace212. Sadly I think the EWs are just too prevalent everywhere. I thiink the stuff about testing air bags is discussed in Caroline Criado Perez's book. Nothing anywhere is ever tested on women.

I think that rotating is the answer to the CFs. There is a certain type of train chappie who, if he had been on the Titantic, and was told women and children first would have said 'Don't be silly, my laptop/phone (generally Apple) takes priority. They spend the whole journey manspreading their laptops and award themselves extra points if there is no room for a handbag on the table.

Black cab cabbies are often maligned unfairly. Still remember the cabbie who told me Labour needed a woman leader and that Yvette Cooper was loads better than Jeremy Corbyn.

Good luck with deliberations!

Car yes there are arseholes but they aren't literally in your face.

Yes - it's not as personal.

Interesting about seating position and airbags. Its something that has never occurred to me. DH sits really close to the steering wheel as he says he feels he has more control. Perhaps he does it because of his short legs (29in inside leg).

I sit almost reclined, with elbows slightly bent ( inside leg 36in).

I shall warn him about the airbag injury thing.

I’m a confident driver, been driving for decades, frequently on the western arc of the M25 which can have its challenging moments.

Drove on it yesterday - lovely, free flowing, not the usual bunching , but noted more than usual idiot behaviour cutting in and out. Had a brief time going slowly in a queue past a particular fool who had been doing last minute 4 lane cut acrosses - and saw he was openly smoking a big spliff ! That is what worries me about driving now - the illusion that we are all being equal participants in a fast but cooperative dance being destroyed by that behaviour .

It depends where you drive I suppose.
The last entitled wanker I'm still seething from was months ago: a white van driver who used aggressive hand gestures after I pulled out in front of him (not too close in my opinion).
A few months before that a woman dived into a parking space I was heading for then shouted obscenities at me
I drive daily and don't see much of it though.

I commute on tube, sometimes train (have choice).

Have commuted by car in past and still drive.

Less annoying wankers in car as they aren't actually in your space, pressing legs against you, not 'seeing' you as you're little etc. Also get my feet trod on at least one a week, that's always a bloke that does that, weird. Maybe because of the whole small plus female plus over 40 = invisible thing?

Car yes there are arseholes but they aren't literally in your face.

Interestingly I had a test go on some kind of advanced wearable about 5 years ago (prob standard now lol) and my commute was when I was most stressed, I hadn't even realised. Worse than child wrangling, worse than work.

If you have the option you can change if the roads/ trains are in a mess.

I enjoy driving personally and drive in London (not central) , don't find it too bad. People are quite aggressive but that seems to be a function of getting in a car, men and women can and do drive aggressively. The ones who are v dangerous are usually young men though eg souped up cars roaring up the high street, massive overtakes etc.

OTOH if you can do without then it's easy cheaper and less hassle. Driving is v pricey now and pollution etc. Electric car maybe?

I've found most of the cars I've had in the last 20 years or so fine except for some the seat belts. Wtf do they make them adjustable but not adjustable enough?

If you are jammed against the wheel because you can't depress the clutch without, find a different car/instructor. And seating position is one of the first things you should check before purchasing a new vehicle.

That's good advice from Joh (autocorrect wants to make that John, obviously).
Japanese-designed cars are IME often quite good - maybe because Asian men are generally not as tall as Europeans?