Women only, can you help me out ? Crisis/mental health

I’ve noticed that many of the professionals speaking out seem to come from a Jungian background - maybe that will help you locate someone suitable?

Was about to say this, but DuMonde beat me to it!

It might also be worth looking for a grief counsellor - because I think the process is similar.

This is really a very long shot, but there is a very gender-critical feminist & out lesbian at the UniofSyd. See her speaking here:

(I knew her vaguely at university many years ago - my memories are that she's a nice person)

Maybe an email to her asking if she has any contacts (there are underground "secret" networks amongst feminists now) who could help you? Or a good feminist network where you can vent & receive support so you know you're not the one who is out of kilter? There may be some contacts at whichever university you are near.

It's a long time since I lived there, but I might be able to help via PM.

Yes if you trust your GP, that is a good starting point.

In someone else's post this comment jumped out the final one decided she was a girl afterall but gay, has grown hair long, back to wearing dresses etc. Why do girls have to have long hair and wear dresses? My own Grandmother would be rolling in her grave at this, she was no feminist but thought we had got beyond this in the 1920s.

But OP do build your own support network, and build in self care - it is crucial for any parent of any child in "crisis".

I think it's perfectly acceptable to come straight out when you phone a potential therapist and say that you are looking for someone who is gender critical and doesn't believe that people can be born in the wrong bodies. My guess is that older female feminist therapists may be more GC, so you could start by finding an older woman and then asking if she's a feminist and then asking if she's GC.

I can see that there's a need for GC support groups for women with ROGD children. Are there any GC feminist groups in your area?

Yes definitely speak to your GP if you have a good relationship. They should be able to give you contact details to counselors.

hi op. i'm seeing a private counsellor atm as my mental health has taken a dive recently. i have asd as does my teen dc and i need professional help managing both (long run out of nhs options aside from medication).

trans issues have been a specific trigger for me and my counsellor was entirely non-judgemental when i raised it. if she's hiding a private disgust of me and/or my opinions she's doing it well enough that it doesn't interfere with the therapeutic relationship.

it's not the main focus of the counselling and not something i enquired about ahead of time, but we did discuss via email my current situation and the help i was hoping for. i would expect any counsellor worth their salt to answer candidly at the outset if they felt they were unable to assist you in your current situation.

sending all love and luck with finding the support you need.

i cant imagine how you must be feeling.

Counsellirs should be confidential and centre on your needs but i understand your reluctance not knowing if they are GC.

A parents thread sounds like a good idea. It might be useful to have a recommended list of GC places/people that can help, by country? This might need to be private/secure - closed FB group maybe due to not wanting TRA attacks.

Have PM'd you details of the other place OP.

I've just seen this, it might provide a starting point to finding someone who can help you.

4thwavenow.com/2019/08/06/waiting/

A few ideas, you could try the Catholic or other church route, but it is not as simple as looking at the denomination because many including our are welcoming to all, religion doesn't mean anti, but you would get a non judgemental ear because that's our job, we accept everyone for who they are. You could also try speaking to other parents in the same situation, they will have more insight than anybody else, including professionals (unless the professional is also a parent of a trans kid), finally there are counsellors out there who are feminists but I question how much you need that. A professional will help you and will not let personal opinions get in the way of supporting you.

I know 4 young trans people, only one has started full transitioning, one is taking hormones, one has deciding she's non binary and just wears masculine clothing and wants neutral pronouns and the final one decided she was a girl afterall but gay, has grown hair long, back to wearing dresses etc. I'm kind of saying stick with it, they may change their mind

Sorry if I upset you, @JanesKettle your pain does shine through.
GC friends to rant to is at least a stop gap until you can find a good therapist.
I found this blog gendercriticaldad.blogspot.com/ to be well written and informative. And from that I found this gendercriticalresources.com/Support/ which might be another place to look for recommendations.

Oh hell. What an awful awful awful situation. I don't have any useful suggestions, but loads of sympathy. (If it was me, I'd try any escapism that worked just to shift the load for a while, but you still need to find a counselor / listener you can trust. Escapism doesn't solve much.) Anyway. I wish there was some way to actually help via cyberspace!

There is a US counsellor/therapist (I forget her actual qualification) called Sasha Ayad who works with lots of ROGD teens and their families over Skype, she’s spoken to Benjamin Boyce on YouTube several times and comes across as kind, curious and able to slot all this into a bigger picture.

I suspect you’d rather physically get out of the house, but if I were in your position, she’d be my go to. She might be able to help you find someone else, if online chatting isn’t your bag.

I had awful (but different) situations with my teenage son and did six months of Multi Systemic Therapy to help me understand my own behaviour and feelings and how to change them to change my son’s behaviour. I don’t think Sasha does MST (nor that it can be properly done from a distance) but I get the feeling she could help a mother a lot with a similar process. If nothing else she has masses of experience as to what it’s like for families with ROGD children:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=0tF0Mykerjw
m.youtube.com/watch?v=pLd3ejFQttc
m.youtube.com/watch?v=37i2oFOl_sE
m.youtube.com/watch?v=NmODs8eOR8g
m.youtube.com/watch?v=l8mZ2IVtsL0

I’ve noticed that many of the professionals speaking out seem to come from a Jungian background - maybe that will help you locate someone suitable?

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analytical_psychology

Hi OP

So sorry things are so tough and respect to you for wanting to find your own support so you can continue to parent & protect your kids.

Are you able to pay privately for therapy? In the UK, it's perfectly acceptable to contact private therapists and ask questions of them to determine whether you think they'll be able to listen & support you. The content of their response is often less important than the nature of their response to you. Good therapists will respond to these initial questions simply & honestly, non-defensively and with curiosity & compassion.

I can't help with finding therapists OP, I'm sorry and I hope someone else can help. As a stopgap would a thread similar to the trans widows one on here help, just to give you a place to vent? There's always the 'other place' if here feels too exposed.

As a counsellor my alliance would be with you and your beliefs. Any counsellor with a person centred basis-which most do-should be able to provide non judgemental support for you to have a space to explore your feelings around your children’s choices and hide from your childhood that are leaping up for you. Google free or subsidised counselling services in your area and ask if they are person centred. Or if you have the money go private.
I’d also say as adults your children could attend appointments alone if you going too is triggering you so badly.

I can only imagine what a horrible position you are in. The lack of support for parents in this area is terrible. You know well what you need, space to rant and rave and not pretend everything is great. It may well be worth sounding out Catholic counsellors. Have you directly contacted 4th wave now? They are in the US (not sure where you are). There must be parents out there who's children have persisted but are still gender critical. Keep looking and continue to take care of yourself. I know well that urge to use our bodies to express the pain.