"What's your preferred pronoun?"

I would be very unhappy about him being singled out. I think it's worth a conversation with the organiser.

I am Weezol. My pronoun is 'The'.

Surely the message being conveyed here is that your DS's interests are being interpreted as a sign that he may identify as a girl? That's so sexist and regressive. I would be hopping mad if it were my child.

Ask straightforwardly whether they ask all children that question.

If the answer is “no” ask them why

If they say they’re thought he’s trans because he’s feminine say isn’t that sexist stereotyping?

Pronouns: they/her
Adjectives: brilliant, witty, fun
Nouns: genius, leader, troubadour

You have to use my adjectives or you're invalidating me.

I think this sounds extremely sexist of the holiday staff - I would definitely complain.

It sounds like he was singled out for the pronoun question on account of his wearing or doing something that the staff members thought was 'girly'.

Do they think boys can't like pink / glitter / whatever it was? Don't they realise that clothes are for everyone, and that toys are for everyone? Being a boy or a girl isn't about what you wear.

If their thoughts, on seeing a boy in a glittery top (or whatever it was) were 'let's check if he's really a boy', well, that couldn't be much more sexist.

‘The ones based on biological sex thanks.’

And quite right too, ashtray

this is quite horrible isnt it. Its planting ideas in childrens heads when we are doing our best to not put children into gender stereotypes. My tomboyish girl with short hair is a girl no matter what she wears or what hairstyle she has.
Its all just fucking weird and toxic

XXey, XXem, XXeir, all with a double Xhosa click at the front.

@FamilyOfAliens that made me smile, as my dd refused to answer to her name when she was about 5 unless it was prefixed with ‘beautiful’

That is fucking awful. How to make a kid feel uncomfortable about themselves. I would be furious.

I think my preferred pronouns have become oh/for/fuck's/sake.

Why not ask which adjectives you prefer while you’re at it?

Mine are: intelligent, beautiful, popular and talented.

My 10 yo dd is quite gender neutral I guess although we don’t label it as such (cropped hair with shaved sides, wears ‘boy’ shorts to school) but I wouldn’t be impressed if she was asked this! There is a trans kid at her school though (m-f) who has a female name and is referred to as she, so she probably wouldn’t be too fussed.
I would think that if people had preferred pronouns which were incongruent with their presented sex then this should be information offered when signing up for an activity, not a question directed to the child?

I understand asking about “preferred pronouns” is no longer the, well, preferred method of asking. It’s just pronouns now and you’re probably best not to even ask because preferred indicates it’s a choice and having to ask indicates transpeople don’t pass or somesuch so it’s transphobic. It’s a minefield out there any more.

My similarly aged son wouldn't have a clue what preferred pronouns meant because he goes to the kind of school not yet targeted for indoctrination by mermaids etc. Its a very specific phrase. But he is used to being asked if he's a girl because of how he looks and some of his interests. He's weary of it tbh. although he doesn't find it insulting as many of his friends are girls. He just doesn't understand why people care. Interestingly he himself used him/her interchangeably for other people until very recently. He uses the same nickname for both his parents too.

What would bother me about OPs scenario is the singling out. My son is already singled out by his peers but explains it to himself by them coming from more Conservative backgrounds. I do see it denting his confidence though. He no longer makes friends with random kids like he used to, I think he's tired of explaining himself.

The other concern is the influence young adults have over kids who want to be like them. So far no adult in my son's life has questioned his sex. If a cool person working at a holiday club did he wouldn't have a ready explanation for their ignorance. He'd think HE had the problem.

So they singled your son out? And did it by asking him his preferred pronoun?

I'd be nettled on both counts.

Why “preferred pronoun”, though?

Surely a girl would be spoken about by others as she / her because she’s a girl? Nothing “preferred” about it?

You said he had no idea what the staff member meant. I've just asked my daughter what she'd say if someone asked her what her preferred pronoun is and she said 'she'. She is the same age as your son.

It's weird that they asked him though, especially if only he was asked. They were probably trying to help, maybe, but if he wasn't showing any signs of having an issue then their actions were unnecessary. It's obviously bothering you and more importantly it must have bothered him for him to mention it to you so I think you are justified in speaking to them about it.

I'm unlikely to bring it up with him unless he mentions it first, but I will certainly question why someone thought it was an appropriate question to be asking him, at 10 years old, away from his parents.

This way of thinking is enshrined in school resources from trans organisations. They encourage school staff to promise confidentiality to students and put the idea in staff members’ heads that families may not be supportive of a child’s “trans identity”.

So it doesn’t surprise me one bit that they asked him if they’re following advice like that.

Complain

It's strange that they would talk to him about this, maybe have a word with them if you or he is bothered but I'd probably just ignore it.

I have a 10 year old daughter and 9 year old nephew and they both know what a pronoun is from being taught at school so they would probably have just said she or he and thought no more of it and not mentioned it to us.

Fantastic answer from your son.

Got an email from Stonewall last week with”preferred pronouns: she/her” after the sign-off.

I just wanted to say, ffs you can’t compel people to talk about you in a certain way, you self-obsessed wanker. But obviously I didn’t