Go on then - PMDD

Raising awareness is always a good thing.

I'm just not sure how much insight people will have, given you yourself saying that you didn't recognise it in yourself.

Do you think, had you read about it, that you would have realised that it was what you possibly had or would you have dismissed it?

because I feel PMDD is a poorly understood MH issue for women. That's it!

So you can misrepresent the other thread, tall about it here and how it means people dont understand. And no one can challenge that view?

If you wanted to discuss it, you could have done. But you dont get to misrepresent what people have said, bring another thread into it, but decide that no one can explain or challenge what you have said or bring in the other thread.

You were completely wrong on the other thread. Despite there being, according to your own explanation huge differences between you and the OP. You didnt admit your behaviour was abusive. And when someone said it was and you had gotten away with it (which you did, as I said why you did it would be taken into account at sentencing, not about wether you would be charged or not) you claimed that was a personal attack. While personally attacking someone.

You decided that because this happen to you it must be what happening to the OP, even though people pointed out she posted before about other things.

And then came here and brought that thread up. So yes, people are right to challenge you

My point is that many women with PMDD will feel similarly and they don't have to: if they know they can be treated; if GPs are more aware; if people in general can accept that the abuse, if caused by PMDD, will stop as sooon as the PMDD is treated and so stop stigmatising sufferers and help them get treatment!

But you yourself said that you didn't recognise what you were doing and didn't see the need to get help - that was your DP. So, would other women not have insight too?

Plus, what is the definition of an abuser?

You say that you aren't because as soon as you got treatment your abusive behaviour stopped. So, does that mean that someone who abused a partner but then stopped was never an abuser?

HidoNot on this thread! I started those to get way from that thread.. please, don't continue the eror I made and concatenate the 2 issues

No you started this thread in and faith and misrepresented why people said what they did in the last thread.

You brought the last thread into it. You also told someone to fuck off and reported them because they said what others on this thread have said too.

I am simply debating with you the points that you yourself made. Including those that you brought into it by referring to that thread.

If you didnt want that thread brought into it, why mention it at all?

Curious Well your "fuck off" post has been deleted, just as the one that said you got away with abuse got deleted, so clearly MN think that was a personal attack too.

How can you engage in abusive behaviour but not be an abuser?

What is an abuser?

@CuriousaboutSamphire the issue is the OP on that thread knew her dp hadnt done anything wrong, yet still felt he was wrong to ask for an apology.

She knew 2 months ago. Even during calm days (remember she said she only felt like this a few days a month) she still didnt feel he deserved an apology.

Do you see, you brought PMDD into a discussion when your circumstances were not the same at all, yet you muddy the waters?

The point you are missing is that most abuser have a root cause. Childhood abuse, PTSD, anxiety, depression, personality disorder etc the list goes on.

You also didnt say, once, on the last thread that you abused your dh.

The fact is, whatever the reason was, you abused your dp. By definition that made you an abuser. Doesnt that mean you will carry that label forever? No.

But does it mean, that at that time you were an abuser? Yes, it does.

If you hadnt have sought help, you would still ne an abuser. The OP of that thread is still an abuser.

But again, the idea that I have not apologised is something that came from other posters, not me!

That came from you saying, that if your do had asked you to apologise you would have ripped his head off.

I have specifically not answered posts about other MH conditions as they are not PMDD and I have not suffered from them. I won't compare any different MH conditions, or other illnesses as they are not alike! It seems odd to want to say that becasue, say, depression causes a, b and c then PMDD can't cause symtpoms x, y and z*

So only PMDD is an excuse for abuse?

Other mental health/physical health problems couldnt possibly cause it. Quite convenient for you.

a person who treats another person or animal with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.

This is the dictionary definition. There is no caveat for illnesses. And abuser is someone who abuses. You abused your partner. While your condition may have been taken into account at sentencing, it wouldnt have impacted wether you were charged or not. You have admitted you abused your, now, dh.

If your condition can make it not abuse, then other conditions can also make it not abuse. So yes, you are saying health conditions negates the abuse.

@CuriousaboutSamphire will never respond to the well thought posts as she refuses to take any responsibility for her behaviour. There are many reasons that men abuse, many do have mental conditions but it never is an excuse for their behaviour same as your PMDD. Mental health is no reason to abuse anyone, ever.

You admitted to physically and emotionally abusing your husband and not once did you take any responsibility it was your partner who had to step up to get help for you. If your husband behaved the way you did towards you because of a condition he had, I imagine many would tell you to LTB and you would refuse to accept his condition as a justification for the treatment towards you.

You were an abuser, I don't know if you still are but you certainly were. Your anger here also suggests you still have issues as you refuse to take on board anything anyone else has to say and shut them down with aggressive behaviour.

If you're able to control yourself around others but not your significant other it's because you know you won't face consequences and it shows you certainly can control your behaviour.

The abuse of men is so often minimised, especially on here, women who abuse and cheat there's always those who will support them and try and validate their shameful behaviour. It's one of the worst things about MN, the obvious double standards of so many women. Fortunately there are many also on here who do call this shit out and to them I am always grateful as this should be challenged.

@CuriousaboutSamphire you've conveniently not addressed what posters are asking you, are you saying the rape of the other poster was ok because her dh had mental health issues and couldn't control himself with her (but could with strangers). As I said - She was raped by her dh, who said it was because of his own mental health - do you side with him too? That he could stop himself raping strangers, but it was ok because it was his wife? Are you now going to say that they are two completely different things? Your logic is flawed.

Are you going to respond to that at all? Or, is it ok only in some (ie YOUR and the other op's) circumstances to be abused?

I find this subject very difficult to contemplate. While I do not have PMDD, I did develop PND almost instantaneously after having my daughter, and I have experienced a complete change in personality due to drop in hormones etc (also helped along by lack of help - I think also possible PND in my husband who avoided me and baby completely). It is terrifying and felt completely out of my control. (I did not abuse or shout, I just cried all the time and had extremely intrusive suicidal thoughts, and did not speak to anyone). I did not realise that I had PND whilst it was happening, I thought that this was it, it was me, and I had always been like this and it was my fault that I was now constantly weeping and wishing I was dead. Except it wasn't. I think of my behaviour now and I cannot see how it was logical, I was so paranoid, depressed and anxious. So I can understand how some people do things that are terrible without realising the reason they are doing it.

I don't think I'm articulating it very well.

I do however think that if your symptoms are abuse-like, that you should apologise to whomever you abuse, and if they stick around I hope that they help you get the help you need.

@Redannie118 100% spot on.

And on the other thread you came out with this:

BUT I am frankly disgusted that every time PMDD comes up so many posters, male and female, leap to the same demonisation

That thread, started by a different OP, wasn't about PMDD. And the only person who brought it into the conversation, was you.

That's a loud and clear message. No discussion...

No, clearly. You aren't discussing anything. You are telling us about a situation and then getting angry when posters do anything other than provide the verbal equivalent of the sympathetic head tilt.

Honestly you aren't over it.

I know i shouldnt project but one of the worst things about my mums illness was her refusal to accept she was ever in the wrong. It was always everyone elses fault.

@Thisismyhappyface
I have PMd you

Discussion is fine. But you can't discuss. You just post angrily. It's your view or nothing. That's not a discussion.

Do you not wonder why others are responding to you in this way TWICE?