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Original poster

The fatal, hateful rise of choking during sex - Guardian piece

167 replies

WomanDaresTo · 25/07/2019 11:56

Please read this extraordinary piece by Anna Moore in the Guardian www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex on women killed in claimed sex games "gone wrong" and the normalisation of choking of women in sex.

When a direct threat to life is slowly normalised, “it means that a woman whose partner chokes her might not report it – and if she does, it might go nowhere,” says Edwards. “It means that if a woman dies this way, judges and juries feel ‘this is how people have sex now’ and questions aren’t always asked.”

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 25/07/2019 14:47

So sad... "One young man who spoke to the Guardian for this piece said he chokes his girlfriend, and has done for several years, “because she likes it”. Days later, he got in touch again. “I thought about our conversation and asked her about it. She said she doesn’t actually like it; she thought I liked it. But the thing is, I don’t: I thought it’s what she wanted.”"

OrchidInTheSun · 25/07/2019 14:34

Well done We Can't Consent to This and Anna and CoCo for the article. This issue needs to go mainstream.

WhatTheWatersShowedMe · 25/07/2019 14:10

Flowers thank you for all your work on this. That is a fantastic, hard hitting article. Looking forward to what We Can't Consent To This do in the future.

RaininSummer · 25/07/2019 14:08

This is so disturbing. Good article.

RiotAndAlarum · 25/07/2019 13:47

This is terrifying. I'm so glad the pattern is being revealed. Thanks to everyone who has contributed and continues to do so. Flowers

BernardBlacksWineIcelolly · 25/07/2019 13:13
Flowers

Thank you to the Mumsnetters behind we can’t consent to this. It’s so important.

JessicaWakefieldSV · 25/07/2019 13:13

Yes thank you to everyone who contributed to this. It’s really really important. I am horrified it even needs to be something we have to fight against.

HumberElla · 25/07/2019 13:06

So glad this is being covered publicly. And yes, a big thank you to those who have pulled together the evidence and asked the questions about this appalling porn fuelled attack on women.

It's true that, as long as unconscious bias exists, juries and judges will be all too accepting that it's normal practice for women to be hurt, mutilated and killed during sex. And sex is no longer something that women can experience pleasure through.

I will do what I can to support this campaign, just let us know what you need.

Original poster
WomanDaresTo · 25/07/2019 12:59

(And sorry should have named checked Coco Khan in the opener, brilliant work by both)

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanDaresTo · 25/07/2019 12:59

Yes yes a huge, huge thank you from me to all of you who've contributed - I think this all started when one of you said that "all boys want to throttle" on dates. And we saw that these women and girls' deaths were not just isolated incidents.

We Can't Consent to This will be doing some campaign pieces over the next few months - starting with writing to MPs. Will share v soon.

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Nowisthemonthofmaying · 25/07/2019 12:51

Just spotted this - so glad it's being written about, it's so important

ArranUpsideDown · 25/07/2019 12:51

Excellent piece albeit disturbing and distressing to read! Kudos to the MNetters and others that contributed to this.

LangCleg · 25/07/2019 12:51

Well done to all the Mumsnetters that work on wecantconsenttothis.uk

This. Thank you.

Leatherflamingle · 25/07/2019 12:50

Really important piece.

MoodLighting · 25/07/2019 12:49

Yes thank you Mumsnetters responsible, the website has clearly had an impact.

Angryresister · 25/07/2019 12:47

At last, it's clearly not a game, women don't enjoy it or ask for it. This happened to me when I was about 17 . Not a new phenomenon as that was in the 70s. very scary and I was lucky to get away, but at least I recognised it for what it was , naive though I must have been at the time. What is horrible is that somehow BDSM has been normalised to young women now think they have to agree to this, anal sex and other porn fuelled activities. Remember guys, you are choosing to take someone else life by indulging your fetishes

DuMondeB · 25/07/2019 12:39

This is a fantastic article. Well done to all the Mumsnetters that work on wecantconsenttothis.uk/ and thanks to Anna Moore and CoCo Khan for writing it.