Hello Lurkers!

And another reason to lurk - my teenage DD has just come in and said she'd seen something on twitter about a transwoman insisting on having her balls waxed and how did a woman have balls. And I could say 'Let me tell you all about it and then you tell me what you think....so that you can make up your own mind.'

Wow, I'm so happy there are so many people who like me, lurk and that lots of you do so for the same reasons I do- feeling less eloquent, articulate or informed. Easy to feel that way, the women on this board are amazing.

I'm here everyday and FWR has given me real life confidence to speak about things I never would have a few years ago. It helps me organise my thoughts and talk to my young DD about issues with fact based language rather than emotion. It's opened my eyes to a lot of things and taught me so much. And the humour and wit is the cherry really.

Sometimes I write something to post, read it back and delete it all, feeling stupid.

Great idea for a thread.

What a lovely thread this is.

Hello like-minded people

I, too, am a lurker on these boards for the same reasons laid out by other posters here. It probably relates to feeling that what I have to say would not be good enough.

I joined MN several years ago and tentatively began reading some threads on the FWR boards not really knowing what to expect. These boards have opened my eyes and lit a fire inside me that has taken me by surprise.

I have recently name changed to become more active on these boards although I am afraid of the possible repercussions. I have a twitter account that was only ever used for banal local groups, weather, politics and transport (to try to circumvent any emerging commuting issues in case you were wondering ).

I noticed the other day that the people/groups I follow are becoming more GC and less innocuous as a result of direction from here. I never post or retweet, just lurk. I can be easily found through there and it's starting to make me feel a little nervous.

My work has many inclusive networks. Having read on here about how people have been targeted, their employers informed and the fall out from that as a result of being GC, it does make me think twice about becoming too involved IRL.

It's taken me several years to get to the point of even posting my views on here however I can feel my momentum building and like I'm ferociously clawing my way through a dark tunnel in an attempt to burst through into the sunlight.

As an aside, how can you be anonymous on twitter? Asking for a friend..

I haven't spoken to a single person IRL about this (apart form the odd rambling brain dump to my DH) and feel a bit of a fraud having all these thoughts swirling around inside me and keeping a lid on them.

I'm at the point now where I want to go to feminist meetings to meet like-minded women who can understand my jumbled up thoughts on these injustices we are faced with.

I look back at my life with fresh eyes and wonder who I was back then when I accepted unwarranted and unwanted sexual advances and harassment from men; when I wondered if I was in the wrong when I told others of one particular incident and was made to feel by men and women alike that, at 17, it was my fault in some way and he wasn't like that ; when I was the "cool wife" to my first husband and turned a blind eye or became complicit in his porn use/strip club visits/sexual demands on me; when I became hysterical and inappropriate around male strippers at hen parties.

The list goes on.

Now, I want to make a difference. Now, I need to. I can't brush this under the carpet any longer. Now my eyes have been opened they can't and won't be shut again.

Hello fellow lurkers I rarely if ever post but visit the forum a number of times a day. It's like a stress reliever for me to know that there are many others out there who can call out so articulately the misogyny in society and the absolute madness of some of the TRAs.

I work for a VERY woke US west coast tech firm and I know I can't speak out at work without harming my career.

But i do my bit in my own way like others here ...

Hi. Been around for ages but don't really post that much. Just learning all the time.
Thanks to all you regulars that keep this conversation going in the most incredible ways!
Cheers

I have been lurking...

When I realised (in real life) that I felt afraid to say something (straightforward and obvious) about young women's safety it was a signal to try to understand what on earth was going on.

I think once you realise you are afraid, or 'walking on egg shells' then you know something is wrong. I am grateful for the clarity of thought here.

I have 'dealt with' a number of examples of male violence to women: often this has had to be very discreet and strategic in order to protect the victims of the violence. But discovering that it could be a problem to talk in general about male violence against women has been terrifying.

I appreciate how grounding these discussion here are. I am scared that I have alienated people that I have (tentatively) spoken to face to face.

I agree with badger, I think many threads could come from this one and I do think what you've shared Helena could be its own thread.

My gosh lakes. No words, just awful.

Another long-time lurker here. I’ve been on MN for years with a different account and usernames. I access Mumsnet almost exclusively through FWR now and have learned so much from the amazing, intelligent, articulate and though-provoking posters on these threads.

Thanks @BadgertheBodger until I read the report I hadn't thought of her for a very long time as I hadn't seen her since we left school and she was really more a friend of a friend. I only found out about her daughter because I read the online newspaper reports about the case but when someone you knew is murdered then it makes it real. Every one of the hundreds of women in that report had their own life, own story, own family devastated to lose them and that's just one year in one country with similar stories repeated around the globe. For me it just reinforces how much we still have to do to and the last thing we need is to have to start fighting over what the definition of a woman actually is FFS!

It just makes the lame TWAW trotted out by so many unthinking politicians all the more appalling in my view. No, they're not - women are the people being murdered in their own homes. As so many here have said I'm politically homeless, fed up with the bullshit and becoming more and more passionate about freedom of speech.

TheInebriati

X-post

My verbosity thwarts me again!!!

Great posts, all!

I don't post on threads every day or even every week but when I do it is a verbose string of thoughts. I lurked for a couple years before posting here as I communicate best in person - my expressions and hands do the real communicating. I'm still pretty new here myself.

Helena if you end up in Florida somehow let me know - I'd be honored to give you swimming lessons.

Your voices are valid and welcome, I'd definitely like to read more from you as PPs have said above.

Yes FWR = Feminism: Women's Rights

HelenaHandcart Hazardtired

FWR stands for Feminism and Womens Rights.

Another lurker here who also feels I can't add anything to the awesome, articulate, well-informed critical thinkers who post so regularly.

I've always described myself as a feminist but never really thought about what that meant and this board has been an education.

The relationship board has also influenced me as, until I began to read MN regularly, I had no idea of the level of abuse and manipulation many women routinely put up with. Becoming interested in domestic abuse led to me reading a report on femicide which listed all the women killed in the UK in 2014. I read the list of names which went on for pages - all those women's lives wiped out - and one of the names caught my eye; it was the same as a girl I was friends with at school. I wondered if she could be the same person so I did an internet search and it was her. The funny, gangly, freckle-faced, cheeky teenager I'd known was kicked to death in her own home by a man who was supposed to love her. Two months later her teenage daughter committed suicide. I think of them often and feel angry and sad about what happened to them.

As for trans issues, well the very notion of someone "living as a woman" infuriates me. I have a husband. We do similar jobs, earn similar amounts, wear similar clothes, are a similar height and weight and do similar levels of household chores and childcare. I have no idea which one of us is "living as a woman". My family, including teen children, know it's impossible to change sex and although I haven't had the opportunity to discuss gender identity with anyone outside my family I'm poised with facts and information at my disposal for when the chance arises

HelenaHandcart - thank you so much for sharing. That was moving, infomative and inspiring.

HelenaHandcart you really do have a great username

Also thank you for for sharing your thoughts. They are very interesting and informative. Please do continue to post I would love to hear more.

I also worry sometimes about whether the things that I post are too heavy. I lurked for a longtime on FWR before deciding to just do it. I don't post loads and mostly post on safeguarding threads or about my concerns for the impact that trans-inclusive policies will have on girls who are being/ have been sexually abused. I just hope that something I post here or something I do elsewhere will have even just the tiniest impact on the consideration given to the immense needs of these vulnerable girls.

I lurk on most of the other threads but I have learnt so much here. I am very grateful to all the regular posters and also for the new voices which are always great to hear.

Hello, I am a lurked too. So much intelligent and informed discussion happens here. I am so grateful for this space. I am an old style feminist who fell asleep thinking everything was ok. I can't really believe what has happened to discussions of gender in the last 5 years. I am very glad to be here lurking. Grateful..

I love this thread so much

@HelenaHandcart
Thank you for sharing. I am a strong swimmer but not a proper coach or anything. I have a condition which means my doctor wants me away from chlorine for now, but I’d love to be able to help you or if you can’t wait for me to teach you maybe a gentle lovely coach I know can help you. Please PM me if you want to.

HelenaHandcart - you have an awesome username! I started reading your post thinking oohh I should reply about her cool username. Then the rest of your post was even better.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the private and painful parts of your life.
I am on the autistic spectrum as well and I dread to think what might have happened to me if I was growing up today, immersed in trans rhetoric. I am British Asian now, but I was born and raised in an Islamic country. I can't swim or cycle as there was never any opportunity to do so there. It is my goal to learn both one day. I hope you learn to swim too! You're never too old! If I was in London, we could go together. :)

My dad converted to Islam about a decade ago and that led to the breakdown of my parents' marriage. My mum is a JW and there are a number of coercive and controlling factors just like Islam that keep people in, but at least there's no death threats for leaving it!

When I moved to the UK and was questioning my JW faith, I felt quite close to the online British ex-Muslim community. I was a frequent poster on the CEMB forum and admired all the trailblazers like Maryam Namazie and Gita Sahgal. I know about the tactics by Islamists to silence ex-Muslims and I have always shared your anger and bitter disappointment at the sheer betrayal by the Left and 'progressives'. Siding with Islamists instead of ex-Muslims and secular Muslims. I occasionally still rant and post about it on Facebook. No one responds as expected, especially the woke folk, as it's a terribly inconvenient truth.

I'm so sorry about your forced marriage. I am glad that you have managed to leave your husband and religion behind. I hope you find happiness and don't let despair get the better of you. Living on a boat sounds badass.

All the very best from a fellow apostate and feminist in Edinburgh.

Little bottles gin not hun... bottles of huns would be weird

Ummm Helena, persister, compainion, rosi, and everyone else who was where I was 6 months ago.... just pick a thread, find a point you agree with, and post!

That headlong euphoric rush will go

We won't.

Feminism and Women's Rights?

Helena I wanna give you a hug! Your responsible for saying the truth, your not responsible for how others handle the truth that's their indivdual business.

Little bottles are hun, biscuits are for trolls I think and I have no idea what FWR stands for.